Summary

A Black woman shares her perspective on interracial dating, emphasizing her open-mindedness and preference for Black men while critiquing the stereotyping and anger from some within her community regarding her choices.

Abstract

The author, a Black woman residing in a U.S. suburb, discusses her experiences and views on interracial dating. Despite facing racism, she remains open-minded about whom she dates, though she admits a preference for Black men. She reflects on past relationships with men of various races and the importance of self-love in attracting the right partner. The author also recounts instances of criticism from some Black men for dating outside her race, which she dismisses as unfounded, especially given that she would not have considered dating her critics. She agrees with Julius Evans' sentiment that interracial relationships are a societal norm and calls for those who harbor anger towards interracial dating to redirect their energy towards personal growth.

Opinions

The author believes that not all White men are the same and that it is unfair to stereotype them based on the actions of a few.
She emphasizes that Black people should not generalize White people negatively, as they themselves dislike being stereotyped.
The author has a preference for Black men but is open to dating men of other races if they have an attractive personality.
She has experienced harassment from some Black men for dating outside her race, which she attributes to their insecurity and lack of qualification as potential partners.
The author values self-respect and self-love as crucial components in finding a suitable mate.
She recalls an incident where she was mistakenly accused of dating a White man, highlighting the absurdity of the situation given her friend's actual racial identity.
The author criticizes the anger and negativity directed at Black women who date White men, advocating for a focus on personal improvement instead.
She supports the idea that interracial dating is an established part of society and should be accepted without hostility.

My response to: When Black Women Date White Men

An article written by Julius Evans a 2X Top Writer in Music & Reading and Senior Editor for ILLUMINATION

If you would like to read Julius’ story I am responding to you can see it here .

Let me set the stage of this response by telling anyone reading this that I am a Black woman who lives in the suburbs of a large city in the US. As such I am exposed to educated, attractive, warm and inviting men of all colors and races. I am lucky to have a choice.

Even though I have experienced racism and definitely will in the future — I still consider myself open minded as to who will or will not qualify as someone I would be interested in dating.

Not every White man is the devil. (Yes, a lot of them — but not ALL of them)

That’s statistically impossible.

We as Black folks hate it when White folks try to lump us all together with the same negative stereotypes and in turn, we shouldn’t do it either.

Don’t let a couple of Karens or Kens make you just as hate filled as they are.

When I was younger, I dated Black men, White men, a Puerto Rican, a man of mixed race, (whose parents mostly identified themselves as both Asian Indians and White) and two Arabic men.

While I am open minded, which is clearly demonstrated above, I do have a preference for Black men. I don’t really know why, but that is whom I picture when I think about a new mate.

At the moment I do not have a mate at all, — but that is by choice because I felt I needed to take time away from dating to learn to love myself. The last two men I dated were so unacceptable I’m not sure what I was thinking or why I went there. Self-love is an important part of an attractive package. People who do not respect themselves above others will not likely attract the right kind of mate.

When I dated outside of my race it almost always was the male showing attention to me. I do not actively go looking for men outside my race, but if I find a man’s personality attractive, then his race is not as important. I do consider it, but race is definitely secondary to how he makes me feel and how he treats me.

It is unfortunate that some people have taken offence to me dating outside my race. There was a time when I was in my twenties that I was harassed by a few Black men for choosing to date a White man and then a Saudi Arabian. The Saudi had a wonderful personality and enjoyed making me laugh. He had lived in the US for several years and was almost as American as I am. He enjoyed a lot of American pastimes and I met him in a bar. Since drinking is a serious offence in his home country, needless to say he was considered the black sheep of his family. Even before it began, I knew how that would end.

What I found ludicrous was that none of the men that had a problem with me dating outside my race had tried to step up to the plate themselves. Thankfully they didn’t because I wouldn’t have considered them as even being remotely in my league. I would never have entertained the thought of dating them anyway, and I think they knew that.

I would soothe my nerves by thinking

DUDE — YOU WOULD HAVE NEVER MADE THE LIST ANYWAY- BLACK WHITE OR OTHERWISE. SO GET OVER IT IF I DON’T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOUR OPINION.

Don’t get me wrong, I do not consider myself the ultimate prize, but everyone has standards. Or at least they should.

One day I was walking down the street in NYC with a Black male friend of mine who was so light skinned that apparently, he could pass for a White man. I never thought of him that way, but a stranger — another Black man who was definitely drunk heckled me for “dating a White man”.

He yelled at me -

“What — you think you too good for a Black man? There’s plenty of Black men you could be with, and you go choose a White man.”

My friend and I looked at each other — burst out laughing and kept it moving. Neither of us chose to respond to this lovely drunk — mainly because we were running late, but also because neither of us deemed his drunken outburst worthy of a response. First of all, my friend is Black and second of all we were just two friends hanging out. Nothing romantic going on there.

Needless to say my friend and I had a fascinating conversation about race, and then dropped it because we had better things to do than to give credence to some drunk ass fool’s insecurities.

In recent years a lot of Black men have taken to dating and/or marrying White women in droves, and that has been noticed by quite a few Black women. Some Black women don’t care and some are furious about it. Some of the more insecure ones have voiced it with such angry undertones that it made me wonder about them as a person. Everyone is entitled to their opinions but getting angry and riled up about something you can’t change is just plain stupid.

I always thought of it as — if a Black man chose to date or marry a White woman, there is nothing I or you could have said or done to make him change his mind. And frankly why would I try to change his mind? What kind of effed up shit is that? That would reflect more poorly on me than it would on him.

As in clearly, — I would not have made his list anyway just like those jealous Black men would not have been on my list.

I agree with what Julius Evans said:

“Interracial dating and marriages are here to stay, even with the challenges mixed couples face historically and today”.

So, I say to all of y’all haters out there — you need to get over it and go find something else to be angry about.

Try directing that anger towards something you actually can change –like your own mind.