My Nurse’s Outfit is a Bit Tight

Chronicle of an Open Marriage #38

I’m pretty excited about the next stripper party. I’ve been to two so far. The first one was a VERY BIG DEAL to me. I spent endless hours selecting the perfect song (Freedom by Jon Batiste), and memorizing the lyrics, and practicing my dance, and finding the perfect apparel for my show.

At the time, I had just begun a “sexting” relationship with a man across the country that was setting my libido on FIRE. It was my first extramarital relationship in decades, and I was full of doubts — about all of it.

— Was I too old to strip? Would the group of much younger people accept or even (hope against hope) enjoy my performance? Would I be able to pull it off? Or would I look ridiculous?

— Who was this stranger sexting me all his delicious encouragement? Could he legit like me? Or did he have some sinister ulterior motive? Was this all just some colossal joke?

— And what about opening my long-term marriage? We were now six months into what began as a one-year experiment. Should we call it quits early? Was that whole idea completely insane?

As you can tell, I had a lot of questions, and anxiety, and insecurity coursing through me when I went to my first stripper party about a year ago.

In fact, when my friend first invited me to attend, I balked. “I can’t do that!” I said. “It’s outrageous! What would my daughter think? How will I look? What if they laugh at me?!?!

“Are you sure your friends even want me there?”

I wondered if she was delusional — if she truly represented the whole group when she assured me they did. I asked her husband if I would really be welcome, and he gave me the sweetest kind of reassurance. I wish I had saved the text. He said something like I would be supported and encouraged and welcomed by all. And lucky for me, I believed him. Because it turned out to be one of the most delightful experiences in my recent life.

Here’s the story I wrote about it.

Things snowballed from there.

The second stripper party

At the second stripper party I was much less anxious. I chose a sexy song by Alberta Hunter (My Handy Man Ain’t Handy No More) that had a Mae West kind of feel, by which I mean the voice was of a frankly sexual woman who is totally in charge.

Here are some of the lyrics.

Now whoever said a good man is hard to find Positively absolutely sure was blind ’Cause I just found the best man that ever was And here’s just a few of the things that he does

He shakes my ashes Greases my griddle Churns my butter And he strokes my fiddle My man, is such a handy man

Now he threads my needle And he creams my wheat Heats my heater And he chops my meat (he’s a mess) My man, is such a handy man

Now I don’t care if you believe it or not He’s a mighty nice man to have around ’Cause when my furnace gets too hot He’s right there to turn my damper down For everything, that man of mine’s got a scheme And honey it’s amazing the way he handles my machine My man, is such a handyman (oh that man is a mess)

I had a utility belt of kitchen utensils which I used to demonstrate the “innocent” acts described in the lyrics while intermittently taking off every stitch of my clothes. The crowd was cheering and shouting and beaming at me the entire time, making me feel 100% hot and loved.

The third stripper party

I had to miss the third party. It was held far away from my home and the timing didn’t work for me. But I got photos and videos on the group chat. So many amazing and creative costumes! So much good music! So much good feeling! So many beautiful people shaking their tits and ass!

There seemed to be more full-on nudity at this party, and more rubbing up against the audience members. I loved what I saw and shared the photos and videos with HoneyBear, who is always horny and ready to see good, sexy stuff.

I had some regret about missing the last party, but no worries. Because I’ve already begun to plan my next act. Luckily, no one in my stripper group is a Medium member, so I can reveal the details here. Because that’s one fun aspect of these parties. The acts are a surprise. People work in secret to pick their song, create their costume, and choreograph their dance. Then they present the finished product to their friends at the party.

Another aspect I appreciate is that everyone who attends must perform. This is not a situation where the women are performing and the men are watching. The men get up and shake their booty, too. Somehow, that changes everything. That ensures that no one is objectified. That makes it good and right.

A third aspect I feel good about is that the party doesn’t develop into an orgy. Despite the frank sexual nature of the performances, no one is off having sex in the corner. Maybe when they go home after the party, they will be inspired to interact. But having sexual intercourse is not the point of these parties. There’s no pressure, no coercion to have sex. Instead, the parties are about creativity. They’re about positivity. They’re about casting off sexual shame, about celebrating and enjoying our unique and various natural bodies. And they are certainly working in all those ways for me.

***Whereas before, I worried that I wasn’t thin and fit enough to strip in front of a group of people, now I feel like a gorgeous fox.

***Whereas before, I worried that I wasn’t young and vital enough, now I feel like a silver fox.

***Whereas before, I worried that I wasn’t hip and cool enough, now I feel like a bad ass, artistic, fully-fledged fox!

I also recognize that the men who express interest in me (Hubs and HoneyBear, at the moment) aren’t playing a practical joke; and I’m on board for polyamory a year and a half in…

In other words, the anxieties, insecurities, questions and doubts I had before my first stripper party a year ago have vanished in the glow of acceptance from this sweet and joyful group.

The next stripper party

So what’s my performance plan? At first, I was inspired by Lady Blackbird’s song “Fix It” to purchase the nurse’s outfit above. I did a bit of surfing to find the perfect costume. I wanted a one-piece that hugged my curves and had a zipper in the front so would be easy to remove. I also imagined I would get a child’s “doctor kit” and brandish a stethoscope and syringe while singing the lyrics “...When you’re lost without a clue / And the distance turns to blue / I’ll fix it for you…”

But the more I listened to the beautiful and mournful song, the more I realized that it was too slow to make a compelling performance. I wouldn’t be able to dance to it. It didn’t have the right vibe.

I wanted something joyful. I wanted something with a beat. I ran though all the sexy songs I could think of on YouTube until I came upon Bill Withers “Use Me” and instantly chose it for the one.

The costume is not a perfect fit for the new lyrics, but it looks hot on me, so I’m okay with that. Hahahah! I plan on wearing a red teddy underneath, and thigh-high white stockings. As to the song, it’s super sexy and easy to dance to. From the very first note, it puts you in a good groove.

This song also has a bit of a double meaning for me because my friend who invited me to the stripper parties in the first place has expressed some disapproval of my lover. That’s because HoneyBear is not honest with his girlfriend, who lives a long distance away. He doesn’t see her often, but he talks to her daily, and he never tells her about me and Hubs, whom he’s seeing at this point three times a week or more.

That scenario plays into the lyrics of “Use Me” — not perfectly, but close enough.

My friends feel it’s their appointed duty They keep tryna tell me All you want to do is use me But my answer, yeah Yeah, to all that use me stuff

I-I-I, and I wanna spread the news That if it feels this good getting used Oh, you just keep on using me Until you use me up Until you use me up

And that’s pretty much how I’ve resolved the issue in my head.

To be clear, I don’t feel HoneyBear is using me. I do wish he’d be honest with his girlfriend, but I’ve decided that relationship is his business, not mine, and I don’t want to stress about it. Why? Because it feels too damn good to be with him!

Like the song says…if it feels this good getting used / Oh, you just keep on using me / Until you use me up…

So I’ve got the perfect costume, I’ve got the perfect song, and now all I’ve got to do is choreograph the dance. But I’m thinking it will be big hit, regardless. Because with this visionary group, we all are.

Because that’s pretty much the whole theme of these parties: We are all beautiful, sexy, and interesting people. And we should celebrate that!

What happened next? Read Chronicle of an Open Marriage #39. Find all of my stories about opening our marriage on the list below, or about sex in general on this one. Get an email whenever I publish. And have a be-bopping day. :)