My New Sweatshirt: Grace. Gratitude. Grit.

How I found my words for the year

A few years ago, I chose grace as my word for the year.

I wanted to handle complicated moments with grace: my kid screaming over dinner? I wouldn’t lose my shit.

Work problems? I would stay grounded and solution-oriented.

At a total loss for what I should do with my life? I would look up at the blue sky and feel humbled by my own insignificance and also inspired to do something different.

I held the word grace to my ribs during a challenging meeting with different ideas sparring, and later received a text: You handled that with such grace! my friend cheered me.

I was pleased with myself. But then —

I began doubting my word choice. What did I really mean by grace? Is the word a white person’s concept? A way to excuse inexcusable ideologies about race? I began noticing that white people are born expecting the kinds of second chances and forgiveness that are too often denied people with other skin colors.

“Give each other grace!” I would yell at my kids as they bickered with each other and felt the oxymoron of my tone and my command.

But maybe most problematic in my personal life — my approach to grace put me in the margins. It was a tool I was mostly using to help other people get along.

The next few years I didn’t choose a word. Grace stayed with me like a sweater whose color I loved, but with wool that made my skin itch.

When Amanda Laughtland shared her word for the year, and tagged other writers to share their words, it got me thinking. Clearly I’m still stuck on grace, but maybe there is a way I can grow my relationship with it?

I was out clothes shopping with my daughters recently, thinking about what word I might carry with me this year.

A sweatshirt jumped out at me with letters outlined in gold: “Grace. Gratitude. Grit.” I rolled my eyes. Made me laugh. It was a little tacky.

But I loved it.

Gratitude is both something I strive to practice, and something I’d roll up my sleeves and arm wrestle someone over its misuse. Don’t have food in your cupboard or your beloved just died or you can’t find safe childcare or can’t find a place to live… BE GRATEFUL FOR WHAT YOU DO HAVE! I have an extreme aversion to people in desperate situations being told to be grateful.

Grit is also a problematic, as so often it’s applied to people whose problems are larger than themselves. It’s not a far removed from “pull yourself up by your bootstraps” or “try harder” — when really systematic injustice and the inequity (and iniquity) of capitalism fuels the challenges people face.

Touching the gold lettering, I wondered, what if I tried the words on for myself? See how they fit when I was wearing them in a way that felt right to me?

How might I be changed?

So I bought the sweatshirt, a size-up even to make sure it was comfortable.

I’m re-thinking grace as a way I might be more gentle with myself. Gratitude as that thing I do when I go on walks and count all the beautiful things going right in my life, alongside the landscape and dirt beneath my feet. Grit as being brave and consistent in my creative projects.

Together maybe these big concepts also make room for more play and joy too.

Key Message: What words guide you in your life? What concepts do you struggle with and might be able to re-frame for yourself?

I look forward to reading your thoughts!

This was in response to Amanda Laughtland’s piece What Words Will You Carry With You This Year?

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