My Little Shadow: Chapter 11

Spirit sends the support and guidance we need, when we need it

“Come on, Bogey. Let’s go.” Sun was bright, morning clear, as Bogey and I headed out for our morning run. A beautiful Saturday sunrise, summer’s heat not yet upon us, was the perfect time for a run. Even with sidestepping the raccoon wandering to bed, avoiding the stray cat taunting Bogey and stopping to luxuriate int some late-season lilacs, we managed a full fifty minute run. It was a good start to the day.

A shower cleared my head. Hot coffee soothed my mind. I was ready to tackle the full day ahead of me.

Carly was off to the mall with her girlfriends. Rudy and Geordie had a nine-hole golf date with my brother-in-law Randy and niece Rosie. It was just Bogey and I for most of the day, which meant today was the day to meditate and see if I could persuade Phyllis to cross over. I knew it wasn’t going to be an easy sell, but I would give it my best effort.

I waved the family off and lit a stick of the white sage incense Wendy gifted me. With my mind clear, I set my intention as the sweet smelling smoke wafted up, circling my head like a protective wreath.

With this smoke I bless my home and by my words I cleanse my space. So mote it be.

Even doing it with the shortcut of using the incense, as opposed to my smudge wand, the air in the office was cleaner. Crisper.

With all my tools at hand, I methodically set up my meditation space. A large white candle burned in the centre of the violet, moon and stars covered cloth over the coffee table, a ring of healing crystals surrounding it. At the four compass points, were four large crystals. Clear quartz at north for protection and cleansing, slate at south for emotional and spiritual balance, red jasper at west for spiritual grounding, and amethyst at east for spiritual awakening and mood balancing. A range of different crystals traced a circle between each large stone.

One deep breath in and I centred myself before shuffling my animal messenger cards, laying out a three-card spread, outlining the past, present, and future for my little shadow friend.

Rattlesnake in the past position told me Phyllis worked throughout her life towards a purpose of healing others.

Zebra in the present position spoke to Phyllis needing to let go of her fear of crossing over and trust in those who love her.

Cardinal, as her future messenger, showed Phyllis finding peace when she brought the physical and spiritual aspects of her life into balance.

I smiled, greeting each animal messenger in turn. The energy of the room reflected the relaxed, easy relationship I had with spirit. It was exactly what I needed it to be. Just what Phyllis needed, too.

With a notebook and pen in my hands, an afghan around my shoulders, I settled myself on the loveseat with Bogey curled up beside me, head on my lap. My head dropped back on the cushions, eyes slipped closed, breathing evened out. Deep breath in… and out… in… and out. Didn’t take long for me to be in a deep meditation.

I envisioned myself sitting on the loveseat, enjoying a cup of tea and waiting for Phyllis. It didn’t take long for Phyllis’ beautiful energy to join me. Tinged with sadness, my heart ached for her. All I wanted to do was hold her and show her a mother’s love.

I like your Mom-ness. You are love. I wish I had love.

You have love here, Phyllis.

Phyllis ignored my words, wallowing in self-pity as she stood across the coffee table from me, hands clasped behind her back. She dragged the toe of her shoe along the floor, as if she were trying to leave a scuff mark.

I wish my Mom was like you.

Maybe you could find her if you let me help you cross over?

I can’t. If I cross over, I’ll go away. I don’t want to go away. My parents made me go away. I didn’t like it.

Okay. What do you like? I stored her words away for future reference, focusing instead on gaining her trust.

I like playing horror movie with people. It’s fun. I like to scare people.

Phyllis’ eyes lit up in delight. It was obvious she was replaying moments where she got to scare people. The only enjoyment she had now.

Uneasy, I watched her face contort as the memories played through her mind. A desire to reset the fires and protection around our home welled up inside me. As much as she appeared to like the thought of scaring others, ti didn’t feel like it was who she was. It was who she’d been forced to become.

Why do you think scaring others is so much fun?

He told me it was. He showed me how to have fun scaring people. He is very good at scaring.

I didn’t have to ask who ‘he’ was. She was talking about Victor, the ‘one who came before’. The darkness in his energy could be overpowering for those ill-equipped to deal with it, which is pretty much everyone before me.

Phyllis showed me what she meant by ‘playing horror movie’ with people. She popped from one spot in the room to another, moving as she had during Wendy’s meditation. Choppy, as if she were on a track, moving back and forth across the room. The colour tone of the room changed, turning a greenish-grey colour. She was adept at the horror movie ambience, I’d give her that much, but it didn’t scare me. I laughed at her antics, which did not impress her.

Come on, now, Phyllis. Hold still so I can talk to you.

She looked over her shoulder, out the window, then back to me. The twinkle fled her eyes. Her smile disappeared. Fear took up residence on her face.

I looked out the window, noticing a dark figure standing outside my home. Just beyond the fires I’d reset Thursday night.

Is that Victor? The ‘one who came before’ that Wendy picked up on the other day? She didn’t need to say anything. He made his presence, and his identity, known.

Still paralyzed in fear and anxiety, Phyllis trembled as she stared out the window. His influence over her was palpable. He permeated every aspect of her existence. As she stared at him, and he stared at me, she told me again how she didn’t want to go away. Voice trembling, she repeated it a second time.

Sean, is that what he told her would happen? That she would go away if she cross over? Mesmerized by his negative influence, Phyllis was oblivious to my words. Sean’s presence, although he said nothing, assured me my intuition was accurate. All of Phyllis’s fears centred around Victor and his manipulation of her.

Phyllis confided in me, pacing around the room and trying to escape Victor’s watchful gaze. Her parents ignored her. She showed me her as a child, frustrated and alone, as she tried to understand the world around her. She grew into a beautiful young woman, never maturing past the age of ten or eleven, until her death at nineteen. She’d gone climbing, by herself, and tumbled off a cliff, falling to the rocks below.

Ah, my thoughts clearing, that’s why she’s presenting as a young girl now. She never outgrew those mental challenges. Every moment brought me closer to full understanding of Phyllis and what was required to help her.

I continued smiling at Phyllis, but turned my thoughts to Victor. He fostered and exploited her child-like need for love and acceptance. He used her to further his own agenda and, because of her innocence and naïveté, she saw no wrong in his actions.

My gaze found him outside the window again. My unease intensified, skin crawling as if alive. Shivers ran down my spine as I heard his voice for the first time. Smooth and rich, it caressed my body like the touch of an uninvited sexual advance. In his words I heard a lifetime of manipulating and abusing those vulnerable, simple members of society to satisfy his own depraved desires.

You won’t take her from me. She is mine. You and yours will be mine, too.

I straightened my shoulders. Threw back my head. Narrowed my eyes and met his gaze, unafraid.

I can help her cross over. I can help you, too. If you’ll let me.

Why would I want to cross over? It is so much fun here.

Victor tensed, smirking as he looked at Phyllis, speaking to her so I could not understand. I watched, impervious to his charms and unimpressed with his bravado. My spiritual defences were strong, but I couldn’t let my guard down for a second.

This was one battle he would not win.

The predatory way he looked at her disgusted me, bringing to mind John Wayne Gacy, an infamous pedophile who preyed on teenage boys. With a shudder, I vowed to do whatever it took to release Phyllis from the hold he had on her.

A glance to Phyllis ensured she was still within my home before I reestablished the perimeter fires that protected us against Victor. For the moment, anyway.

Soft, sweet, Phyllis’ childlike voice rang out a silly rendition of ‘old macdonald had a farm’, giggling as she mimicked the animal noises.

Phyllis, my Mom died when I was twenty-four. I miss her a lot. My mother’s love and support enveloped me. I couldn’t see her, but I sensed her there with us. Is there anyone you miss that died? Anyone you wish you could see again?

As Phyllis stared at me, an older man appeared in the chair to my left. He sat with his blue-grey cardigan-clad arms on the armrests, a golden yellow button-down shirt stretched over a Buddha belly and brown slacks ending above a pair of worn Buster Brown shoes. I smiled at him. He nodded to me. We both looked to Phyllis, hoping we would be able to help her.

I loved my Dawh. He made me feel love. Made me feel special. I miss him.

The older man in the chair sat a little straighter, smiled a bit broader. His love for Phyllis shone in his eyes as he looked at her.

He told me he loved her very much and spent as much time as he could with her when he was alive.Their favourite thing to do was to play checkers and Candyland together.

He showed me the many times he attempted to convince her to cross over with him. She refused. Every time.

Dawh? Is that your Dad?

No, not Dad. Dawh… DAWH!

Phyllis yelled at me before going back to her horror movie ways. The way she said ‘Dawh’ sounded familiar, the accent she put on the word sounded Eastern European. As I contemplated what I was hearing, I saw a plate of pierogies and laughed.

You were Polish, were you, Dawh?

Dawh showed me a Star of David, which told me their family was also Jewish, so Phyllis was a Polish Jew. As I looked at Dawh, I realized he was her grandfather, not her father. I heard him say Dziadek, pronounced ‘Jah-deck’ and realized Phyllis called him Dawh because she couldn’t pronounce ‘Jah-deck’ when she was young, transforming it into Dawh.

Dawh showed me how he fell ill when Phyllis was a teenager. She watched him get sick, his health deteriorating until his illness decimated his health and he succumbed to it. When he died, over a year after falling ill, he no longer resembled the grandfather Phyllis loved and cherished. Her limited intellect made it difficult for her to see that the emaciated man he was when he died was still the same man she’d loved and played games with. She only remembered the withered, sick man she saw hours before he died.

Several years later, at her own death, Phyllis became earthbound, unable to comprehend what had happened to her. Dawh found her and asked her to come with him to the other side. She shied away from him because she couldn’t reconcile the vibrant person he was in spirit with who he was at the end of his life.

The Dawh she remembered didn’t look like he did when she was younger. Dawh scared her more when he transformed himself from the vibrant person into the emaciated, bedridden man she remembered at the end of his life. Confused, she didn’t understand how he could be both healthy and emaciated at the same time.

It was this confused state that gave Victor the power to step in and take control of her, under the guise of helping her. He convinced her there was a reason for her fear and that Dawh was a demon using magic to trick her. Once Victor had her believing that, he confirmed and built upon her fear that crossing over would make her disappear.

Victor’s manipulation of Phyllis so upset and angered Dawh that he had to step back and allow him to control her. Dawh knew his insistence that she go with him would push her further into Victor’s web, so he slipped inot the shadows, keeping an eye on her over the years. This allowed Dawh to help keep her safe while looking for someone to help her find her way. Someone who could help him help her.

Someone like me.

That’s when Dawh brought Phyllis to Wendy, who brought her home to me. Wasn’t quite the souvenir she expected to bring me from the East Coast, but it was definitely the most interesting.

Keep reading with My Little Shadow: Chapter 12, here:

If you want to start at the beginning, check out My Little Shadow: Chapter 1 here: