My Life Destroying Internet Porn Addiction: An Expansive Full Life Is Possible
How you get addicted and how you find a path to freedom.
I feel ashamed to say I was addicted to internet porn. And it was my dirty little secret for 23 years.
There was an electric excitement immediately before I started searching on the net for porn.
This feeling carried on during the search for that ideal bit of porn that delivered my euphoric orgasm.
When it anti-climatically ended, I would mentally start talking to myself. “I will not do this again. It’s pointless.”
But it always happened again.
I was addicted.
Are you addicted to internet porn?
Do you get that adrenaline and dopamine rush with internet porn?
At that time of the search is that the most important thing in the world to you?
How am I getting so addicted!
You get addicted to porn due to 2 factors, they are:
#1. Personal
Lifestyle. When I reflect on when I was consuming a lot of porn it was at times of my life when I was not happy. My life was rudderless, I had no routine and the activities I carried out during the day had no meaning.
Alternatively, when my general well-being was higher and I was happy, watching porn didn’t come to mind.
Takeaway:
- Add what is missing in your life — areas to change include eating organic plant-based foods, drinking filtered water, spending time in nature, and following your passions.
- Sit down, shut up and be silent — Sit in your chair and do nothing. Sit in silence. This is a tough one. You need to embrace boredom. I have found inspiration springs up out of boredom.
“You do have to embrace boredom throughout your life if you’re going to expect to be able to succeed.”
— Carl Newport
Biological (neuroplasticity.) After prolonged exposure to internet pornography, studies have shown there is a negative effect on your brain.
When you consume internet porn over a prolonged period the neuro pathways in your brain get ‘rewired.’ When you consume internet porn there is the releasing of dopamine and other neurochemicals.
Rewiring refers to neuroplasticity. Neuroplasticity is the ability of the brain to reorganize neural pathways based on new experiences.
You are negatively affected by this in 4 potential ways:
Sensitization — the slightest exposure to something can ignite a response. You may become aroused when seeing a woman on a billboard. Meaning you become hyper-aroused to porn.
Desensitization — the reward you get from stimuli reduces over time. That you are less aroused from watching porn over time. You can then go on to require more extreme forms of pornography to get aroused.
Dysfunctional prefrontal circuits — There is a weakening in your willpower, along with you becoming very reactive to sexual stimuli. There is a dysfunction in the prefrontal cortex between the reward from porn and impulse control. There can be a part of you that is demanding more porn but there is another part saying no I don’t. When you experience this internal conflict you normally give in to the desire for some porn internet.
#2. External: They cast a spell
When you are under the spell of internet porn, not only internal forces are at play but you are preyed upon strategically by the porn industry.
The actors in the pornography clips may have had surgical or digital enhancements.
The fantasies portrayed are situations that are highly unlikely in real life.
Sexual arousal is craftily induced via the breaking of taboos, extreme close-ups, and exploitive lighting.
This is all done on purpose to create a bigger stimulus hit than sex with your partner.
You are being manipulated.
How do you know if you are addicted
You may not think you are addicted.
You may view internet porn as and when you think it’s appropriate.
However you may be unsure if this is the case, the below are tell-tale signs you may have an issue:
- Increase in the consumption of internet pornography.
- Increase in the intensity of the porn. For example, you may have looked at “soft” porn. And now you are only satisfied with extreme types of pornography.
- You are sneaking around trying to hide watching porn from your intimate partner.
- You make continual promises to yourself that you will stop. But never do.
If you are still unsure if your porn consumption is a problem for you. Stop for a set period and see your reaction.
If you:
Break commitment. That is you change the agreement you had originally made to yourself.
Emotional response. You feel frustrated and anxious in response to not being able to watch internet pornography.
How internet porn addiction affects your life
Long-term internet porn consumption can have a negative impact on you physically and in your intimate relationship.
Physical effects
Erectile disorder. A problem with getting and maintaining an erection. When caused by pornography consumption, it is known as Porn-induced erectile dysfunction (PIED.)
Male hypoactive sexual desire disorder. Causes a dramatically lowered sex drive
Premature ejaculation. You climax before you would’ve wanted to.
Delayed ejaculation. You require more than 30 minutes of sexual stimulation to experience an orgasm and ejaculate.
Anorgasmia. The inability to reach orgasm.
Anhedonia. The loss of pleasure in general.
Decrease in libido. Lowered sex drive.
Your intimate relationship
While an unhealthy consumption of porn can negatively impacts yourself, it also affects your partner. And not in a good way.
Drs. John and Julie Gottman of the Gottman Institute have found that pornography consumption :
- Decreases frequency of sex.
- Decrease intimacy.
- Decrease the overall health of your relationship.
Areas of your intimate relationship consumption of internet pornography destroys:
Negative sexual behavior. When you consume internet porn, the outcome-based on yourself. This mindset then shifts to when you are with your partner. Your focus may become one yourself. As for where previously it was on mutual satisfaction
Sexual Expectations. The focus on oneself may extend to putting unreal sexual expectations and demands on your partner during sex. You may look to model those fantasies from internet porn.
Takeaways:
Spend the majority of your time living an expansive and amazing life.
With smaller time blocks on specific things that support weaning yourself off internet porn.
Create a fulfilling life
Purpose. Spend time on those things that provide fulfillment. For example, at night spend time on things you find interesting and enjoyable. Plan your weekends at the start of the week.
Set routines. Include in your morning or evening routines each morning or at night exercises that assist in moving the sexual energy. This can be found in yogic and Taoist exercises.
Physical exercise. I run 3 times a week. I set a reminder on my phone to tell me when to run. This way I don’t have to think about it. When the reminder comes up on my phone, I complete what I am doing and go for the run.
Deepening intimate relationship. I had found over the years when I was in a relationship, I was more prone to watching porn if I wasn’t sexually satisfied. Talk to your partner about how you both can benefit from deepening your sexual relationship.
Supportive resources:
NoFap. Are an internet-based platform that provides a program (that has several different options) to assist with managing your movement away from porn addiction. The program is called “Rebooting”. There are also support forums.
Popular Book. Your Brain on Porn by Gary Wilson has written a very useful book on the effects of pornography. This book is a packet full of scientific studies and helpful hints on how to free yourself. There is also an associated website.
Concluding thoughts:
Internet porn addiction is a common problem. You are not alone.
Your evolution as a man is not about abstaining from internet porn by force and willpower.
This process is about expanding yourself and your life. Leading an inspired life empowers you with confidence.
Jobs promotions, starting side businesses, salary increases, and following your passions. I can voucher wholeheartedly that these and much more are all within your grasp.
Your path to freedom is through expansion.
