My Inner Critic Has A Strong Hold On Me
Breaking free from old habits that are keeping you small
For a long time, I had managed the negative voice in my head quite well. Lately, however, I’ve noticed myself slipping back into old unsupportive patterns.
As a result, the perfectionist switch has been turned back on.
When my perfectionist is driving the bus, she draws out more of my negative behaviours.
Things like:
- Performance anxiety
- Feeling like I’m not good enough
- Difficulty letting go of control
- Feeling rushed
- Rarely present
- Focusing on was has to get done
- Not meditating or journaling consistently
- Going to bed too late
It’s frustrating, as I’ve worked so hard to overcome these patterns. Yet, here they are, showing themselves off and putting me down.
It took a couple of days. I couldn’t figure out why I was falling back into old habits.
Then I realized it’s my inner critic!
I call her Linda, because I know she’s not the real me.
Our inner critic is a reflection of poorly learned behaviours and negative attitudes towards us from our childhood that we‘ve internalized and, unfortunately, now identify with.
Through a lot of self-compassion and work, Linda and I have become friends over the years — well at least I thought we had.
Why has she returned with such a vengeance?
She’s afraid. Plain and simple.
It was only after noticing my bad habits had returned that I clued into what was going on. My inner critic was fighting to keep me small.
Recently, I’ve been writing a lot more. I’ve been connecting with great writers and I’ve been trying to show more vulnerability in my writing.
This scares the living shit out of Linda! Inner critics don’t like anything new.
Their whole existence is on controlling your behaviour, so you don’t stray from the crowd, do anything stupid or embarrass yourself.
Now Linda is screaming: Kylie, writing, connecting with real writers and being vulnerable are way out of your comfort zone!
Her goal is to rein me in.
To do this, she sneakily makes use of my bad habits. The ones that make it hard for me to be me and achieve my goals.
The worst part is, that I didn’t even know she was doing it. That’s also part of her job. To work her way in without you even noticing. To slip in like a stealthy little spy and use your negative behaviour against you.
Oh, she’s good! I thought. But not good enough to go unnoticed anymore.
Now the gloves are off, my eyes are open. I’m ready to take back control. It’ll be hard. It’s going to cost more energy and focus, but it’s not going to stop me.
If you want to live your best life, you have to live it consciously. You’re the one who needs to take the lead, make your own decisions and not be misguided by the negative voice in your head.
What are some of the things your inner critic is trying to prevent you from doing? How is your inner critic doing this?
Going forward, these are my goals
- Continuing to write, connect and be vulnerable.
- Showing myself more compassion.
- Paying attention to any signs of Linda in relation to new challenges.
- Stopping more often to take deep breaths.
- Journaling — this is how I discovered what was really going on.
- Meditating but only if it feels right.
- Going to bed on time, even if this means I don’t fall asleep right away.
Key message: If you’re on a path to change, your inner critic will do what it can to keep you in your comfort zone. Take notice if you slip back into old unsupportive habits. Know this is your inner critic, not you.
Thank you and happy reading!
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