My Husband Wanted Me to Brutally Suffer Just Because I Divorced Him

And he enjoyed his sideline view — how messed up is that?!

“Get a job,” says my husband.

“I need a car,” I say. “Mine is ten years old and every time it’s in the shop you leave it there for weeks refusing to pick it up.”

“You wanted to divorce me,” says my husband. “You can get your own car.”

“I need a car to get a job,” I say. “And a job to get a car.”

This conversation infuriates me.

I have to get rides for our children and borrow our neighbor’s car.

My husband wants me to suffer for leaving him.

At every single corner, he makes life difficult and abusively impossible to move forward. Not to mention, I do have a job. Two in fact. I’m a stay-at-home mother.

And for the last seven years of my marriage, I’ve been working part-time as a marketing/PR consultant and a freelance journalist.

“I hate when he says that you don’t have a job,” says my friend. “You are working twenty to thirty hours a week. Just because you don’t earn a large amount doesn’t mean you aren’t working.”

It goes without saying as a stay-at-home mother she knows I have two jobs.

Three or four if you count the business I built with my husband since our twenties. And the investment property I got a part-time job to begin saving for. And also the years I managed the finances for all of it.

The bully continually embarrasses himself by going after a woman.

A different day and a different abusive infliction.

He withholds grocery and school supply money. My family and friends have to bring us meals and buy us food. My kids are traumatized that their dad doesn’t care if they eat.

After weeks of this, I got a text.

“I just hocked my wedding ring,” says my husband. “You now have $267 dollars for groceries.”

I regret the tears I shed over this text.

Because he is intentionally being cruel…you got it…to make me suffer.

And he’s enjoying every minute of it.

My husband’s twisted narrative? “She deserves this. This is what she gets for leaving me. This is what she gets for biting the hand that fed her. This is what she gets for leaving The Golden Goose. This is what she gets for being ungrateful. This is what she gets for creating a broken home. This is what she gets for wronging me. This is what she gets for starting the war.”

He is tormenting and depleting me.

Because he is intentionally being cruel…you got it…to make me suffer.

It’s not long before I receive foreclosure notices.

“Someone from the mortgage company came to our home,” I say. “They wanted to make sure the house was still occupied.”

“Oh,” he says.

“Seriously,” I say. “Cars are lining the cul de sac almost daily. The kids yell to me that there’s another person sitting in front of our house. I know they are the vultures who watch the foreclosure notices.”

“They don’t foreclose until the third month,” he says.

With that, my husband exposes his abusive hand.

It’s an intimidating cat-and-mouse game.

He’s intentionally staying two months behind on the mortgage to traumatize and scare me. But he never goes more than two months overdue. It’s a bully’s game.

Because he is intentionally being cruel…you got it…to make me suffer.

“The doctor’s office said our boys no longer have health insurance,” I say.

“Yes,” says my husband. “I know.”

“You can’t cancel our children’s health insurance,” I say.

“It’s too expensive,” he says. “I can’t afford it.”

This isn’t a coincidence.

An abusive bully seeks power and control.

My husband is systematically going after the health insurance, transportation, and mortgage to force me to get a full-time job. But it’s having the opposite impact.

I’m a wreck. I can’t eat, sleep, or think. Okay, I take back the eating thing.

But I can’t sleep or think straight.

Because he is intentionally being cruel…you got it…to make me suffer.

I ended up in the hospital multiple times with surface blood clots.

My internist says I need to survive this divorce.

I back out of even the part-time work I am doing because I’m worried about my health. Not to mention, I have medical bills that I can’t pay from my husband canceling our health insurance.

My neighbor knocks on my door.

“Is your power out,” I ask her.

“No,” she says.

I call my husband.

“You cut off the electricity,” I say.

“Oh,” he says. “I must have forgotten to pay the bill.”

“Seriously?” I say. “For months you have forgotten to pay the bill to the point where they cut off our electricity?”

The predator cat is swatting at the mouse again.

My husband is enjoying every minute of this believing I deserve it.

Because he is intentionally being cruel…you got it…to make me suffer.

“I need money for the kids and groceries,” I say.

“Sorry,” says my husband. “I don’t have any.”

“You’re going to leave town,” I say. “And spend money on yourself all weekend and not worry about our children eating?”

“Yes,” he says.

Here’s what my husband conveys (I paraphrase) to our children.

“I’m sorry boys. This wouldn’t be happening if your mother hadn’t left me. But she did and there’s just not enough money. It’s your mother’s fault.”

My husband is showing his true abusive colors.

Our children are smarter than this.

They begged me to leave their father because of his newly adopted drinking and accompanying anger. They sadly, fully understand their dad is punishing me and attempting to hurt me for divorcing him.

Unfortunately, they also understand he will hurt them to hurt me.

Because he is intentionally being cruel…you got it…to make me suffer.

How messed up is that?

I mean it’s truly f*cked up.

Who does this to another human being? And worse derives a twisted pleasure in watching someone suffer, even at the expense of their own children.

But somehow in the troubling world of failing marriages…

Divorce normalizes this twisted and abusive behavior.

It doesn’t matter how many women suffer at the hands of a man. Or how many women inflict a different type of misery on their husbands. It doesn’t matter how many abusive divorcing spouses there are.

It doesn’t matter.

It doesn’t matter how many articles are written about divorce abuse.

It doesn’t matter how many men and women speak up.

It’s acceptable in today’s society.

Tragically acceptable.

People who are intentionally being cruel…you got it…to make a spouse suffer.

No one tells them to grow the f*ck up. No one punishes them for punishing us. No one declares intolerance. No one shuts down the bully. No one is outraged. No one demands change.

We just keep sharing our stories between ourselves.

Because everywhere else they’re falling upon deaf ears.