Relationships

My Husband Says He Married Me Because I Was Putting Out, A Lot

Now he tells me after we have been together for forty years

“It is an absolute human certainty that no one can know his own beauty or perceive a sense of his own worth until it has been reflected back to him in the mirror of another loving, caring human being.” ― John Joseph Powell, The Secret of Staying in Love

The subject of why we choose our lifetime spouses came up in conversation. My husband and I were chatting about what we think our grandchildren will look for in a spouse. We postulated how that seeking differs from what we wanted. My husband and I met in the free-love seventies in our twenties.

I wanted a shrewd man with potential who would have no problem knowing I did not want to be a stay-at-home wife. I desired someone who understood and laughed at my sarcasm. Someone who could give as good as he got and who would not be shocked by my past. I grew up in the toughest parts of Chicago, including the projects. I ran away with a pimp in my late teens. I was broke with children going to college. Whoever got with me would need to want to be with me. I had no intention of being anything other than what I was.

My thirsty spouse says he wanted a woman that would make love to him as much as he wanted and was having trouble finding said woman until I came along. He desired an intelligent mate that would love him unconditionally and appreciate discussing the random pieces of knowledge he enjoyed collecting — everything from how fog forms to why we went to the moon to ancient aliens were routine day-to-day conversations with him. He wanted someone who laughed at his jokes.

My honey thought I had enormous balls returning to school as an older student-mother. He believed we fit into each other’s lives like missing puzzle pieces. I deemed him the most fascinating man I had ever met. Add to that we were fire in the bedroom every time and you got a match.

I remember those times as laughter, love, intimacy, and sex, lots of sex. We would work or school all day, come home. Sometimes we would go out for a cheap drink with friends within walking distance, then back home for sex. After sex, we would be up at night to finish our daily tasks. I would work on homework. He would work on his design project for his job. After a few hours of sleep, we would do it all again. That was our daily routine. We were young and full of boundless energy. It was wonderful.

He recalls that time as much sex followed by captivating conversation. I paid attention to whatever he wanted to talk about because I am a nerd in disguise. We had discussions about a broad range of subjects. Current events and new scientific developments were a repeating topic. His extreme nerdiness did not put me off, making him feel loved and needed. Our pillow talk remains unusual to this day.

When I asked him would he have stayed with me, with all my assets, if I was not ‘doing’ him all the time, he looked me straight in my face and said, “No.” And here I thought he married me for my beautiful looks, hourglass figure, witty conversation, money-making potential, and sharp intelligence — silly me. It was the sex all the time.

Toni Crowe retired as the Vice President of Operations to pursue her dream of being a writer. Toni has written six books, two of which won the 2019 Reader’s Choice Gold Awards. Her bestselling business book, “Bullets and Bosses Don’t Have Friends: How Do You Manage A Man Sitting With His Dick in His Hand?” was one of the winners. Her first book, “Never a $7 Whore” was the other.