My Grief Tries to Kill Me

Should I Surrender?

With silent steps like my shadow,

Unseen at night in plain sight,

In the vacuum of my loss,

Hiding and lurking

Where my heart used to be,

Waiting to pounce.

I fear what it will do;

Not know whom to trust

On edge at all times

Impatient, angry, anxious,

Depressed and empty of hope,

Drained of my humanity, my mind

And my sanity.

Without notice or warning

In a sudden like a hurricane

Sweeping me off my feet,

Twisting my senses

Like a tornado turned tsunami

With no respect for privacy

As it tries to kill me;

I lash out

Fighting, Kicking, Punching

An enemy so stealthy

Living within me.

It pauses in feign;

A prelude to pain,

Unbearable, immobilizing, numbing

Pain, just pure plain undiluted Pain.

Painful grief in partnership;

Relentless, Crippling, Choking,

Swarming me with waves after waves

In the seas of depression.

Drowning, I reach out

Crying aloud with deafening silence

Shouting words without sound;

Tears fell in rivers of torrents

Ripping through my very soul

Sweeping every ounce of my life,

Its vortex sucking and sapping

Every erg of energy,

Every drop of Purpose.

I lay down, resting;

My heart is stony,

My sorrow is weary,

I am tired,

My end is near.

Silence embraces and comforts

Even as voices have ceased,

And I am alone.

Flight or fight?

Is it time to surrender?

It will be over soon, I smile;

Closing my eyes for the last battle,

I hope to embrace my beloved

Once more, in forever time.

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