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fortunate to be able to maintain relationships with one side of my husband’s family. I adore them. But the other side I loved I never see. Or the sisters-in-law I once said would be my best friend if we weren’t related. They are no longer a part of my world even for sparse moments of time.</p><p id="c736"><b>I am grateful there are a couple of wives whose bond was too great to break.</b> That I was gifted a few who I get to move forward with. Because we were young and grew up together along the way.</p><p id="b150"><i>There are situations where even I wouldn’t do the ‘right’ thing in a divorce.</i></p><p id="a807">If someone was divorcing and being abusive, mistreating, or outrageously hurting and damaging their spouse I would feel no need to pick up a phone. I would not feel it was the right thing to do.</p><p id="011a"><b>Ironically, my husband did do those things in the divorce. </b>So most who knew me felt no need to connect with him. A few did just to ask him to stop the abusive divorce behavior but he no longer cared about the people in my world.</p><p id="ea54"><i>He didn’t care what they thought nor did he miss a single one of them.</i></p><p id="1516"><b>Divorce is unfortunate.</b> No one wants to get divorced. It’s indescribable angst to lose the person who was once the love of your life. And worse, to inflict that misery of separation on your children. It’s an avalanche of pain.</p><p id="36bf">And remember divorce is grief.</p><p id="3bc3">Grief makes us feel unbelievably alone.</p><p id="7937"><b>We need to reach out to people in divorce because they are suffering. </b>They need attending to. It doesn’t need to be grand. It doesn’t need to be constant.</p><p id="3a87"><i>It doesn’t need to get personal enough to damage loyalties.</i></p><p id="ffda">It could be a divorce note, text, flowers, thoughtful gift, or a call.</p><p id="2245"><b>My friend’s wife returned my call.</b> Even though it was early in the separation before they realized it would ultimately end in divorce, she was grateful. And so was I.</p><p id="adab"><b>Because I won’t just walk out of someone’s life that way.</b></p><p id="4a33"><i>I don’t have to be her best friend, friend, or constantly talk to her.</i></p><p id="135f">I don’t have to get involved in their divorce.</p><p id="c640">To let her know she was my friend and I will miss our world’s connection.</p><p id="77fb"><i>If you would like to read more of my stories and support me as a writer, consider signing up to <a href="https://colleenorme.medium.com/membership">become

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a Medium member.</a> For just $5 a month you will get unlimited access to Medium.</i></p><div id="25c3" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/kim-kardashian-and-i-know-this-frightening-divorce-truth-5f8d0662afe6"> <div> <div> <h2>Kim Kardashian and I Know This Frightening Divorce Truth</h2> <div><h3>You can’t escape an extremely controlling spouse</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*mll-tpX2PUCrIYTmlhInmw.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="e25e" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/how-starbucks-explained-my-marital-problems-ebf4bf69c3d6"> <div> <div> <h2>How Starbucks Explained My Marital Problems</h2> <div><h3>One cup of coffee held a greater relationship truth</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*e8OP9OPjwRJLmBThFSffFQ.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="ffea" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/im-divorced-from-a-narcissist-2e7047bdd5e2"> <div> <div> <h2>I’m Divorced From a Narcissist</h2> <div><h3>And my son just asked me this question</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*geLf_PbT48VEA4X1VqZ-yQ.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="92a2" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/i-didnt-want-people-to-side-with-me-in-divorce-10d15f98dadb"> <div> <div> <h2>I Didn’t Want People to Side With Me in Divorce</h2> <div><h3>This is what I really wanted.</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*wlVLx6N799RjkmN6gwGh3w.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div></article></body>

My Friend Is Divorcing So I Made This Phone Call

Fortunately, he didn’t mind

“I’m getting separated and possibly divorced,” says my friend.

“Listen,” I say. “You are my childhood buddy and like a brother to me, my loyalty will always be to you. But I’m going to need to call your wife. Even if you get divorced, we’ve been friends since our twenties. It’s the right thing to do.”

“I wouldn’t be happy if you didn’t,” he says.

We hang up and I call her.

It’s a simple message. “I just wanted to reach out and tell you how sad I am for you guys. We’ve been friends for a long time and I just want you to know I am thinking of you.”

I’m not sure what makes us lose our minds in divorce but something does.

Grown adults think they must choose sides. Supporting a friend and doing the right thing aren’t mutually exclusive. You can make a quick connection to express concern and extend well wishes. Even if someone is divorcing.

A divorce is a form of grief.

It’s living grief, you’re mourning not only a person but an entire life built.

Personally, I wasn’t prepared for the exponential losses of divorce. I was shocked mature people would feel a need to take sides. In my case, my husband had done a lot of bad things so only a few people made me feel this way.

But it still hurt.

Something else made me even sadder.

The wonderful people I could no longer count as a part of my world. Divorce demands friendly housekeeping. An invisible separation of teams as individuals get selected for each one.

Even the people who don’t actively or vocally choose sides end up on one. It’s a quiet expectation. I won’t ever get to hang out with those wonderful guys we went to college with. Or the great guys my husband grew up with. I loved them and their wives.

I was fortunate to be able to maintain relationships with one side of my husband’s family. I adore them. But the other side I loved I never see. Or the sisters-in-law I once said would be my best friend if we weren’t related. They are no longer a part of my world even for sparse moments of time.

I am grateful there are a couple of wives whose bond was too great to break. That I was gifted a few who I get to move forward with. Because we were young and grew up together along the way.

There are situations where even I wouldn’t do the ‘right’ thing in a divorce.

If someone was divorcing and being abusive, mistreating, or outrageously hurting and damaging their spouse I would feel no need to pick up a phone. I would not feel it was the right thing to do.

Ironically, my husband did do those things in the divorce. So most who knew me felt no need to connect with him. A few did just to ask him to stop the abusive divorce behavior but he no longer cared about the people in my world.

He didn’t care what they thought nor did he miss a single one of them.

Divorce is unfortunate. No one wants to get divorced. It’s indescribable angst to lose the person who was once the love of your life. And worse, to inflict that misery of separation on your children. It’s an avalanche of pain.

And remember divorce is grief.

Grief makes us feel unbelievably alone.

We need to reach out to people in divorce because they are suffering. They need attending to. It doesn’t need to be grand. It doesn’t need to be constant.

It doesn’t need to get personal enough to damage loyalties.

It could be a divorce note, text, flowers, thoughtful gift, or a call.

My friend’s wife returned my call. Even though it was early in the separation before they realized it would ultimately end in divorce, she was grateful. And so was I.

Because I won’t just walk out of someone’s life that way.

I don’t have to be her best friend, friend, or constantly talk to her.

I don’t have to get involved in their divorce.

To let her know she was my friend and I will miss our world’s connection.

If you would like to read more of my stories and support me as a writer, consider signing up to become a Medium member. For just $5 a month you will get unlimited access to Medium.