My First Unofficial Birthday on Medium
And Why It’s Not Official
I just turned 1 !
Yes! It’s official! oops.. unofficial.
I know it sounds strange.
It’s my birthday, but I can’t call it my birthday because it’s not official.
What I mean to say is I’ve got two birthdays- the real one and the fake one.
The real one is the unofficial one, and the fake one is the official one.
Oh so confusing.
Remember when we were at school and our friends would buy us a cake on our birthday.
Then they would force us to take them all to Mac for fish filets, hot chips and a big fat cup of coke. Burpp..
Only then it was fun because it was my real birthday!
Now everyone’s going to wish me on my fake birthday, but no one’s going to remember me on my real one.
Don’t believe me?
Let me show you some pics.
This was when I was not born yet. I was still a tiny sperm somewhere inside someone’s womb.
That was July 3.
Then, I popped out. I mean I was born. July 8 was the day.
Look at my birth certificate.
A nice shiny black one.
But, you don’t get to see my birth certificate cuz I’m the only one who has it. And I don’t stick it on my forehead wherever I go.
All you see is my ID card- the one in the ‘About’ section in my profile.
Now, why on Earth is my birthday September 2021 when I was actually born on July 8?
It’s because my card got hacked. Someone used my card to buy some stuff I’ve never eaten my whole life.
So, the bank decided to cancel my card and send me a new one.
But before I could get my new card, Medium billed me for my $5 monthly fee. But they couldn’t get any money from me because my card was not working.
Then, they did something. I didn’t have that green slimy thing squirted around my picture anymore.
But one or two days later, I got my new card. I straightaway paid my fees to Medium to get that green slimy thing back. I got it back instantly. It had a name by the way. They called it ‘membership.’
I thanked Medium because they kept that green slimy thing for me. I mean the err.. membership.
But little did I know that wicked Medium had canceled my membership instead of putting me on hold.
That means I was legally dead for 1–2 days.
Then, I was reborn with a new birthday.
Now, every time it’s July 8, no one’s going to remember a thing. But as soon as it’s September whatever, I’m going to get notifications of all kinds.
I didn’t get any notification yesterday.
That’s why I forgot it was my birthday. My real birthday.
How can I not get notifications on my real birthday?
Aarrghh.
Whatever.
I’m leaving now.

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