My First Experience as a Dominator

As it turns out, I’m a switch!

A few weeks ago, Mr. P. asked me to dominate him. Up until then, I’ve always been in a submissive role with him. But Mr. P. is a switch, which means he takes pleasure in being either in a dominant or in a submissive role.

As I wrote in my piece My lover asked me to dominate him, my main concern of switching roles wasn't hurting him — he has a high pain threshold, one I’m learning to identify, by myself, and with him guiding me.

My main concern in being a dominator was to disappoint (him and myself). I was afraid of not being “good enough”.

Mr P. is a kinkster for more than fifteen years, and he and his ex-wife were in the swing lifestyle. They used to go to swing clubs and dungeons. So, throughout is life, Mr P. experienced being with lots of dominators, including professional ones.

Rationally, I know it's different living a BDSM scene with a stranger than with someone you are romantically involved. He ensured it to me, reinforcing that in his swing experiences, there was never intimacy involved — it was only about sex. I understand it; however, I couldn’t stop feeling I wasn’t going to be as good as the dominators he met. I also knew I shouldn’t compare myself with no one, but sometimes mind beats heart.

If you are in a relationship and your lover shares with you a fantasy or has a request, unless it’s something you can’t see yourself doing it, you should take it into consideration. So, when Mr P. asked me to dominate him, I said yes, even having thousands of fears and imaginative failures running free in my mind.

Before his request, it never occurred to me to invert our domination roles. However, in a way, it made sense to me; we both felt I had it in me, when one night, I took a bit of control and tried anal beads with him. I felt confident and in control; I felt I wanted to go a bit further, to explore my eventual dominator side. But I never talked about it. Being a newborn in BDSM I though I still had a lot to learn before I make my first move as a dominator.

After Mr P.’s request, I started shifting my mindset from “For now, I’m exclusively a submissive” to “give it a try; you have nothing to lose”. I wanted to please him the same way he does with me. If he’s a switch and if there was a chance I could also be one, I had to give it a try. I love to please Mr. P.; I would never say no to his request if it’s one that doesn’t make me feel uncomfortable. Only insecure.

My first-time as a dominator

Mr P. and I usually spend the weekends together, so I decided I was going to satisfy his desire last Saturday. We had a lovely day; we went on a day trip on his motorbike. When we got home, while he was tidying up the motorbike paraphernalia (jackets, trousers, helmets, and boots), I went to the bathroom to refresh myself and to change.

I told him to make himself comfortable in bed when he was ready. In the bathroom, I put on a dark purple cut-out body (I love how it enhances my curves), arranged my hair and touched up my make up, adding a dark red lipstick. I felt sexy and empowered. I was entering the mood without even pushing myself into it. It was all feeling natural. In my heart, I knew that no matter what happened, no matter how my “performance” went, we would have a great time.

I was a bit nervous, but at the same time I felt good — I was about to give Mr. P. something he really wanted, and that by itself made me happy. He’s a fantastic lover; he always has my preferences, desires and pleasures in mind; he’s a devoted lover. As am I, but now it was different — I was stepping into entirely new territory. One a bit intimidating.

When I entered the room, dressed up in my new sexy lingerie and high heels, Mr. P.’s facial expression changed completely. He went from a relaxed man laying in the bed, to a super horny one. His body language told me he knew what was coming. I think I’ll never forget his face of desire and expectation when he saw me — he was on fire, without me even touching him.

I slowly walked to him (to let him enjoy the view), passed my tongue over his lips and told him “do not move”.

I opened his sex-toys drawer and took out the handcuffs, the lube, and two pinwheels — my favourite sex toys to use on him. He asked for the blindfold, which I took out as well. I didn’t close the drawer, I would need more things from it, but I didn’t want him to see it.

I told Mr P. to lay on his stomach. I cuffed him to the bed, and I blindfolded him. As usual, when he’s in pleasure, he released a sexy, loud moan. He’s very vocal, and I love it, it excites me a lot.

I took my time to appreciate Mr P.’s full-tattooed naked body. I stroked his skin, from top to bottom, without rushing, just appreciating the moment. My dominance experience was starting.

In general, I have a confident, dominant (even intimidating) attitude, which also arises during sex. Unless I’m in a submissive role, Mr P. and I have great fun in exchanging power during sex. But merely as fun, not as in a scene.

Now, having Mr P. at my mercy felt good, and not strange at all. My fears were starting to dissipate — it didn’t have to be perfect; it was all about pleasure and connection.

As long as we were together, exploring pleasures and having fun, nothing could go wrong.

My mindset was tuned to the pleasure I was going to give him. I had to let go of comparisons and expectations. He had told me several times that he expects nothing, we just need to go with the flow and explore ourselves.

Knowing what Mr P. likes, I chose my weapons of pleasure: two pinwheels, a butt plug, a riding crop (his favourite), and a one-tailed whip. I wanted to try the flogger on him — it’s my favourite, and I know he loves it too, but I didn’t feel enough confidence in using it, I have to try it on him, while not being in a scene.

When I imagined our scene, I was giving pleasure to Mr P. using different stimulations — I wanted him to experience the maximum pleasure possible. However, thinking about me as a submissive, I don’t need the overstimulation. Most of the times, less is more. So I took the same approach he has with me: only a few instruments.

I used the riding crop - sometimes intercalating with the whip - the pinwheels, and I used the best sex toy of all: my body. I spanked Mr P., I bit him, hard (I’m a biter), I rubbed my body against his; I let him feel my arousal by rubbing my wet vagina on his thigh while giving him anal pleasure.

It was an amazing time, for both of us. I felt empowered, sexy and sexualized. I loved to induce Mr. P. pain and pleasure, and his reactions were incredible. He was enjoying it fully.

When I heard the words “I surrender”, I took off the blindfold and released him from the handcuffs. He pulled me to him, and laying side by side, he told me “You did great”. It felt like we were reversing the aftercare roles, it was me who was suppose to take care and reassure him, but I must admit it felt wonderful to hear his praise.

I had my first dominance experience, and I loved it

Not only for seeing Mr P. squirming in pleasure, but for myself. I got genuinely aroused with the experience.

I was happy to realise that, like my lover, I’m also a switcher. I’m sure our sex life will keep improving, now that we have even more ways to explore our sexuality and pleasures.

If there’s anything I can tell anyone that has a curiosity about trying new things, even if potentially intimidating, it’s this: try it! Don’t let your rational fears and moral/social standards stop you from getting all the pleasure at your disposal.

You might be exclusivity a submissive, a dominant or vanilla — as long as you are fully satisfied, that’s amazing. But if you feel curious or tempted to try a different thing, please do it. I did it, and a new world opened for me and to my lover.

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