My Encounter with Tony Robbins and What it Taught Me About Abuse of Power

My brief experience with Robbins showed me just how easy it is for individuals of status and influence to take advantage of everyday people.

The first time I’d heard of Tony Robbins was when I saw him at a live event in Toronto last year.

I’d only gone to the event because I was a former Rachel Hollis fan at the time, and it was one of my all-time dreams to see her speak live.

Former, because since then I’ve learned several realities about Hollis that I had vehemently denied for as long as possible, until it was all too clear I was fooling myself:

Before that conference in Toronto, October 2019, I really didn’t know much about Tony Robbins, other than the fact that he once convinced Oprah to believe in herself enough to run across a bed of hot coals.

The friend who I went to Toronto with, the same one who had so loudly suggested I read Rachel Hollis’work, said Robbins was inspiring. And I totally bought it.

I mean, I can always get on board with some positive, life-altering motivation.

Once you’re in the audience of one of Robbins' events, you get the feeling something is wildly off.

I was in a conference centre with 10,000 other people — likely people who loved Tony Robbins far more than I did.

The screaming and shrieking for him when he came out onto the stage was truly surreal.

After close to 6 hours of hearing a dozen guest speakers, including Rachel Hollis, Robbins finally took the stage. And that was where he remained for the next 4 hours.

As the hours passed, so did the chants and shouts and screams. He continued to encourage the crowd to scream at the top of their lungs, and chant back to him.

I looked around and felt a tad uneasy. “This reminds me of a cult…” a small voice said in the back of my head.

I shook it off and tried to get my money’s worth from Robbins’ supposed world-class motivational insights.

I ultimately wanted my life to change for the better, just like everyone else in that room.

I was willing to look past my discomfort to unlock that possibility.

Robbins’ extraordinary influence is palpable… and dangerous.

At one point during his talk, while walking the aisles, Robbins stood just a few seats away from me.

With my phone out, I looked up at him in awe. He’s a big guy, with an even bigger voice. As he was speaking, there was a moment when we made eye contact. It lasted no more than two seconds, but there was a small voice in my head that said,

“You should feel lucky, Gillian. Tony Robbins just looked at you. He’s a big deal.”

That turned my stomach the moment that thought went through my mind — an hour before, I barely even know who this guy was. Now, I was trying to convince myself that I should feel honoured that he made eye contact with me?

What the f*ck was happening to me?

But still, I admit that part of my felt special in that moment. So special that I posted the video of the moment we made eye contact on Instagram, and expressed how lucky I felt that Tony Robbins looked at me — why?

Because my friend and others around me told me that I should feel lucky.

And I believed them.

Once I got home, the narrative of my experience went sour.

I came home from the trip on an overall positive tone, and gushed to a friend of mine about the conference.

After talking about Rachel Hollis, I then described my split-second moment with Tony Robbins.

My friend made a face. I asked what was wrong. She replied,

“I saw your Instagram post, and couldn’t help but cringe. I’m assuming you don’t know, Gilly… but Tony Robbins has been accused of sexual assault, and harassment. A lot.”

My blood ran cold.

My excitement was instantly replaced by shame. As a survivor of sexual assault, there’s nothing that can change my opinion of someone more than learning that they too have attacked another human being, and violated someone in the same way I was.

I immediately started my own research project to get some answers to my probing questions, and found resources such as the following:

What I found was disturbing, to say the least. And so, my inner dialogue began to chastise me:

“I financially supported this guy? I paid to spend 4 hours in a room with an accused abuser? And my role model/supposed supporter of women Rachel Hollis still speaks at his events knowing this?”

The entire tone of my trip changed from there.

It was time to face the facts — I was duped by two notable people of social influence, and they were now $1,000 richer because of me.

The idea made me entirely sick.

This is how powerful men get away with sexual harassment and assault.

That split-second moment, when Tony Robbins and I shared eye contact — that feeling of validation and being “special” was so damn strong.

I know it sounds foolish, but that’s how I truly felt.

Now imagine that split second moment extended into hours of attention by a powerful and notable man.

It’s all too easy for power like that to be used for personal or selfish gain — say, a young woman Tony Robbins has taken under his wing in the name of mentorship.

It’s utterly frightening.

Particularly because Robbins has been abusing his social influence for decades, and has yet to be formally held accountable by any justice system.

But who do we believe?

For me, that answer is fairly simple.

I believe the survivor who has bravely stepped forward to voice the details of their assault.

I myself am a survivor of sexual assault — I believe victims who come forward.

Do I have a strong bias in that case? Sure— but statistics back up just how reasonable it is to believe survivors from the get-go.

Statistically, only 5% of sexual assault allegations are false. That means there’s a 95% likelihood that the accusations will hold truth in them.

Furthermore, my belief in victims goes far beyond statistics.

There is no gain or 15-minutes of fame in stepping forward with accusations like this. Survivors are dragged through the mud the minute they raise their voices. They are immediately met with suspicion, and their entire identity is picked apart in a cruel display of theatrical misogyny.

Survivors who step forward to get justice for the violation against them are retraumatized by society and the justice system for doing so.

There is an incredible amount to lose by accusing another of sexual assault — that is exactly why many, just like me, never file a police report against their attacker. Statistics show that 95% of survivors of sexual assault do not report their attack, for a variety of complex and traumatic personal reasons.

And that risk is only amplified the more notable and prominent the accused is.

Statistically, only 5 out of 1,000 assaulters will be prosecuted and incarcerated for their sexual assault and violation of another human being. The other 995 attackers will walk free.

When Harvey Weinstein received 24 years for his crimes, I wept tears of joy. A sentence of that size never happens — especially not to a prominent figure.

That was a massive win for the entire survivor community.

But there is still plenty of work to be done — especially when we consider 95% of sexual assaults go unreported to begin with.

So, why step forward then?

Every survivor has their own reasons — just as they have valid reasons for not stepping forward.

Why did Kavanaugh’s victims step forward to make allegations against him? Because in their bravery they were doing what they believed to be their societal duty.

They didn’t want a rapist gaining more power as an individual who would be a defining voice in deciding what was just and what was not.

Very seldom is it in pursuit of our own justice that survivors speak out.

More often than not, survivors step forward because they want their attacker to be stopped.

They don’t want another innocent soul to become a victim, and have to live with the same violation and life-long trauma they do.

Just as Tony Robbins’ high school victim did, by stepping forward with her own story. Because she knows that if it had happened to her, then it had happened to many more who remain silent to this day.

And she wanted us all to know that, in this trauma and journey of healing, we are not alone.

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