My Cheating Happy Place

Not that kind of happy….get your minds out of the gutter.

I just had a short vacation. And I did not have any sex, save on my own. Does that count?

Not with my hubby. Not a potential lover. No boys on the side. No one-night stands. No airport encounters.

Nothing.

And I was okay with that.

Lately, it was getting a bit much with all the people I chat with (possibly a future story). Not each person. As individuals, they didn’t ask for much time.

But as a group, it became a little overwhelming. My friend Teresa told me that I needed to chat with five men at all times, just to have a coffee date. I think she intended it as a joke, but that is the truth.

With all the demands on my time, work, energy, and focus, I find a tremendous emptiness when I am finally free to chat. Everyone gathered up their stuff and went home for the night.

Go West

So I gathered up my stuff and went west to the other side of the country. To see old friends that loved me and never asked more than I could give. They don’t know that I cheat. They think I’m happy with my marriage. Note I say marriage and not husband.

We laughed, drank, shopped, and talked. Boy, did we talk!

I can talk a lot. The talking leads me to thinking about where I am as a Cheating Wife. I had to lie down at some point, right? I was jet-lagged, tired, and thinking about everything. The men were leaving me alone. I didn’t expressly tell them to. They just decided to dial back on hello’s and check-ins so I could relax.

Because they all have different personalities, they did this differently. One just went silent, only said hi back when I said hi. Another told me that he wanted to hug me in person and left it for days. One more said that he didn’t want to bother me while I was having fun, so he didn’t.

Over the vacation, I sent a few pAP the picture of a pretty manicure and got crickets in return. I’m not surprised. It’s like sometimes they don’t know what to say.

With the few short days ending, I headed back to the airport and talked aloud to myself on the drive. Turns out I’m a fantastic orator! LOL.

At the airport, with all the delays, I wandered the halls looking for a quiet place to sit. I found this sign.

What is MY Happy Place?

It really is talking. Communication. Connecting. And I want that with someone in an affair. It makes me happy.

I decided I will not put effort into those who do not put effort into me. Why would I? That is unfair to me, and I won’t lose energy over those who lose no sleep over me.

I also discovered that I haven’t actually had an affair on my journey. I started off wanting a person, then the right person. I got sidetracked with desire and lust and had a series of one-night stands. I believed each man when they told me that it would be longer. Fool me twice and I feel shame.

Here I am at the start of month eight and looking at what is ahead.

Did I learn anything? Yes.

Am I still a newbie? Yes, maybe just at the advanced level now. With enough experience to know what I want and don’t want.

Did I find my happy place? Not quite.

But I am on the right road.

I hope you find your sweet spot too.

Keep up with my journey, missed connections and delays. I’ll get there eventually.