TAKE OUT THE TRASH
Melania’s NFT will Never Be Best
Looking for a last-minute g(r)ift?
The eyes don’t have it. But her greasy palms do.
Former First Lady Fraud Melania Trump wants your money. Again. Wonder how many hands she’ll have to lubricate to earn her keep this Christmas?
For just $185 you, too, can have what can only be described as a cheap-ass digital image of a watercolor of this woman’s eyes. No, not a printout, although I can’t for the life of me figure out how they’re going to prevent someone from obtaining a hard copy.
There’s nothing much original here, however. She’s only had those peepers stretched, maneuvered, tilted, injected, smoothed, altered and “done” a gazillion different ways over the years, so the artist probably guarantees his work of faux art is, well, just that. Seriously, look at the link. Melania hasn’t resembled her former self for a good, long while.
Why call her irreplaceable?
News accounts of the NFT, which I’m told stands for “Non-Fungible Token,” are really just another way for the Slovenian Wench to Be Best, correctamundo?
The word “fungible” roughly translates as “replaceable.” But Trump’s NFT, for reals, is just a way for us to put “non” in front of her name one more time.
You know, like “non-citizen.” Or “non-English-speaking.” Or “non-caring.” Or “non-altruistic.” Immigrating illegally from Eastern Europe and then latching onto the Biggest Grifter was just the first step-off in a 25-year parade of pettiness, perjury and pilfering.
First Lady of Flimflam
In a long-held Trump Family Tradition of stealing from those less fortunate, the third wife of The Former Guy said in a recent press release that she would donate an undisclosed sum from NFT sale proceeds to her “Be Best” initiative.
“BB” doesn’t always stand for “Bigger Boobs,” you see, even in Melania’s case. Well, except when it does. Remember her so-called “kidney procedure” in 2018? Boob job. Or her so-called “objection” to plastic surgery? Well, except for boob jobs.
No wonder #BeBreast was trending on Twitter for the totality of her husband’s presiduncey.
Melania claimed Be Breast, er, Best, was a White House campaign on behalf of “children’s well being” focused for a time on online safety.
After the Courtesan of Mar-a-Stink-O realized the initiative, which never really initiated anything, might be slightly ironic because of all the hideous things her puke-orange husband has said, both on- and offline over the decades, she moved instead to comforting immigrant children detained in cages at the border.
Be Best, repurposed as “I Really Don’t Care, Do U,” then pivoted to undertaking efforts to skim as much cash as possible from official endeavors such as the Tangerine Turd’s inauguration and other over-the-top presidunce-ial endeavors.
Take a look at my kitty, instead. She’s really the cat’s meow.
Instead of falling for The Slovenian Sphinx’s g(r)ift idea, and if you really love the idea of cat eyes, may I suggest a snap of Cleo the Cat, or any number of Tom cats, tabbies or tortoiseshells available on the Internet? I acquired the shot above from Unsplash. Or I could send you more of Cleo. Millions of meows are just waiting for you to express any kind of online interest.
Here’s Cleo. Feel free to screenshot her gorgeous girth. For free.
Maybe even crop her close, on those yellowish/green globes, shining with the mirth and merriment of the season. Something Melania’s NFT will never, ever possess.
Then visit the online Costco Photo Center. Prints start at 11 cents, I’m told, and they’re still filling Christmas orders.
One week, more or less, people!
Instead of nabbing a Nefarious Fiendish Trickster, a la Melania’s NFT, you can pay a pittance for my cat’s corneas, and these, of course, are the real thing. We’ll call them Cleo’s No Funds Tendered, OK?
Nothing at all, of course, like almost any of the Former First Fraudster’s body parts.