avatarGary Chapin

Summary

The article humorously recounts a person's confrontation with their anthropomorphized butt, which has been exhibiting rebellious and disrespectful behavior.

Abstract

The narrative titled "My Butt is an Asshole" details a humorous and dramatic dialogue between a person and their sentient butt, which has been acting out by making unauthorized purchases, gossiping, and stealing food. The protagonist decides to have a serious talk with their butt to address these issues, leading to a comedic exchange where both parties accuse each other of various misdeeds. The conversation escalates to emotional revelations, with the butt feeling hurt over a previous satirical article written by the protagonist, leading to a mutual apology and reconciliation. The article concludes with the protagonist acknowledging that both they and their butt have been in the wrong, and humorously reflects on the absurdity of the situation, hinting at the complex relationship between humor writers and their subjects, including themselves.

Opinions

  • The protagonist initially views their butt as surly and uncooperative, reflecting a humorous personification of body parts.
  • The butt is portrayed as defiant and sarcastic, mirroring the protagonist's own accusatory tone.
  • There is a sense of betrayal felt by the protagonist towards their butt for its actions, such as stealing money and the last piece of cheese danish.
  • The butt denies the accusations and turns the blame back onto the protagonist, showing a dynamic of mutual accusation.
  • The butt expresses distress over being the subject of a satirical article, indicating a sensitive nature despite its earlier brashness.
  • Both the protagonist and their butt experience a moment of vulnerability, realizing the impact of their actions on each other.
  • The protagonist reflects on the nature of humor writing, suggesting that it can sometimes be at the expense of the subject, including one's own body.

The unprompt butt prompt

My Butt is an Asshole

No, really

Photo by Monika Kozub on Unsplash

I thought I knew my butt. It’s a nice enough butt. It’s not Gandhi. But it’s not Hitler, either. Y’know? It’s not especially competent, but it tries. But it’s been surly, lately. A surly butt. Can’t put two nice words together for anyone. Just, “Whatever!” And, “Fine!”

Then I find the charges on my credit card bill. Luxury boxers. Tanning salons. Then I overhear my butt gossiping on the phone. Putting me down to my friends’ butts. My butt takes the last piece of cheese danish. Money has been missing from my back pockets.

I decide to nip this one in the … well, I decide my butt needs a talking to. Here are some moments from that conversation .

Me: Sit down!

My butt sits.

Me: Do you know why I’m talking to you?

Butt: DO YOu knNOw why I’M tAlKIng TO yOu?

Me: Cut it out!

Butt: CuT iT OUt!

Me: Cut! It! Out!

Fart.

Me: Why are you stealing money from me!?!

Butt: I wasn’t anywhere near your back pocket!

Me: Who said it was my back pocket???

Butt: You have other pockets?

Me: You’ve been talking about me behind my back.

Butt: Where else would I talk about you!?!

Butt: This is stupid! I hope you die!

Me: You know if I die you will die, too. Right?

Butt: But at least you’ll stop talking to me.

Me: You should consider yourself lucky! Most people never talk to their butts!

Butt: Oh, if fucking only!

Butt: Why did you write that piece about how I was such a failure?

Me: You thought that was about you?

Butt: What other butt would it be about!?!

Me: It was a fictional butt! It was a humor piece! I was just being funny.

Butt: My friends read that! They called me — they called me — sob — “failure butt.” Why are you a writer!?! It’s not fair!!!

Me and my butt, sobbing together

Me: I’m sorry! I’m so sorry!

Butt: No! I’m sorry! Waaaahhhhh!

Butt: You’re going to write about this, aren’t you?

Me: Yeah. Why?

Butt: You don’t think maybe it’s a bit too high concept?

Me: The low hanging fruit is not going to swing at itself.

Butt: Are you saying I’m “low hanging?”

In the end, we got through this, and we managed to learn a thing or two. My butt was an asshole, but I was, too. Humor writers — and their butts — are assholes.

Butts
Assholes
Humor
Satire
Chapin
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