Summing up Santos

Move Over Donald: There’s a New Liar in the House

A List of George Santos’s Lies

Sorry Donald. There’s a new serial liar in the house, and way more than just his pants are on fire.

His name is George Santos. Well, it might be George Santos. The only source we have for George Santos’s name is George Santos himself, and as you are about to see, George Santos is what literate snobs might generously dub an ‘unreliable narrator’.

George Santos is a Republican Congressman from the okay state of New York. This week, charges have been filed against Mr. Santos that include seven counts of wire fraud, three counts of money laundering, two counts of making materially false statements to the House of Representatives, and one count of theft of public funds.

Among Mr. Santos’s more egregious crimes, he has been accused of collecting unemployment benefits intended to help New Yorkers who lost their jobs during the pandemic. This while he was collecting a $120 000 salary from a Florida investment firm (later revealed to be a Ponzi scheme), running for Congress, and siphoning off political donations made to the Republican party for personal use.

He has also lied about working for Goldman Sachs (he has never worked on Wall Street), being Jewish (Mr. Santos claimed to be a ‘proud American Jew’, despite being a Brazilian Roman Catholic), holding a degree in economics from Baruch College (they have no record of his enrollment), and being a star volleyball player in college (which is even more impressive when you consider that George never went to college).

“Listen, George Santos should have resigned in December. George Santos should have resigned in January. George Santos should have resigned yesterday. And perhaps he’ll resign today. But sooner or later, whether he chooses to or not, both the truth and justice will be delivered to him.”

Marc Molinaro, a fellow New York Republican.

What else has George lied about? The list is jaw-dropping. I was going to fabricate a gaggle of silly assertions and turn this into a satirical piece. I was all ready to say things like:

George claims to have an eight inch penis. George says his dad can beat up my dad. George says he dated Margot Robbie in college. George is friends with The Weeknd and says he helped to wrote ‘Blinding Lights’. George can lick his own elbow. Never has George ever shopped at Walmart.

But the man has such an outrageous history of dishonesty that the truth is far more absurd than anything I can possibly concoct.

Here are my favorites:

· George stole the check book of an elderly man who lived with his parents in Brazil and wrote a $700 fraudulent check for a new pair of shoes.

· George created a Go Fund Me to help a veteran’s sick pit bull receive surgery. George kept the money and the dog died less than a year later.

· George claimed to be the first openly gay Republican Congressman, saying he was married to a man and had four children. The family has never been seen, and there is an official record of George marrying and divorcing a woman from Queens in 2019.

· George said that the ‘September 11th attacks claimed my mother’s life.’ Records indicate she died in 2016, and was living in Brazil throughout 2001.

· George said he lost four employees during the 2016 Pulse Nightclub shooting in Orlando. None of the 49 victims of that tragedy worked for any companies associated with Mr. Santos.

· George has said he made appearances on Hannah Montana. Again, easily checked, and nope: he was never on the show.

· George said he was a producer on the Broadway show Spider Man: Turn Off the Dark in 2011. The actual producers of this Broadway flop have never heard of George Santos.

· George told a Brazilian radio station that an assassination attempt was made on his life in New York City. No police record of this incident exists.

This man does not deserve to be a congressman. What he does deserve is his own Netflix series. Personally, I can’t wait for season two, when we find out all the cock and bull stories he tried to spread among his fellow inmates at the Metropolitan Correctional Center.

Enjoyed yourself? Then read this, Stupid:

Want more dirt? Give Jeffrey Harvey a read: