TOP 10 LIST
Top 10 Saucy Secrets In Britney Spears’ Tell-All
Brit-Brit is dishing the dirt, and it’s not that innocent!
It’s Britney, bitch!
Britney Spears is conservatorship-free, she’s on the comeback, and she’s ready to tell the world! And tell on the world.
Word of an upcoming tell-all memoir from the early-2000s pop princess reportedly has the entertainment world shaking like Britney’s booty in hot pants! At least two A-Listers are reportedly so scared at what Britney is set to reveal, they’ve sent “strongly worded legal letters” to Spears’ publisher.
As a result, release of the book has been delayed indefinitely.
Have no fear! Or, perhaps lots. Our crack research team (not to be confused with our research team on crack), has obtained exclusive excerpts from Britney’s opus. You’d be amazed how far a few Central American opioids go with disgruntled mailroom clerks.
From the Home Office in Matagalpa, Nicaragua, here now are the Top 10 Saucy Secrets in Britney Spears’ Tell-All:
Top 10 Saucy Secrets in Britney Spears’ Tell-All
10.) Never carded at Mickey Mouse club!
9.) Shot 9 times in Christina Aguilera beef.
8.) Oops, my ass! I did it on purpose!
7.) Owns a yacht named “Conservator-Ship”
6.) I don’t remember most of my songs either!
5.) Not “naked” on Instagram; “emancipated” from pants!
4.) Justin? More “lake” than “timber,” if ya know what I mean…
3.) Carried on torrid 20-year affair with autotune
2.) “Hit me baby, one more time” a costly motto during Vegas residency
And the number 1 Saucy Secret In Britney Spear’s Tell-All…
1.) That school girl video? I was 17, and you were a pervert!
At this time we’re unable to confirm reports that Britney is set to reveal Bruce Jenner as ghostwriter of her 2001 hit, “I’m Not a Girl, Not Yet A Woman.”
Also no word on whether Britney’s memoir includes her rebuttal to allegations from Medium’s own Steve Goldberg of her involvement in his “toxic” experience at a California dental clinic.
Here’s hoping Britney’s book sees the light of day, or at least the light of Kindle screens. Power to the powerful people in their fight against the slightly more powerful people! But if not, there’s surely at least a mid-six figure advance already in her Chime account, further bolstering my assertion that, conservatorship or no-conservatorship, Britney Spears’ life is infinitely better than yours.
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