50/100 Words

Motivation or Lack Thereof

Thrifty Words 100 #21 & Fifty Words #42 : Motivation

I once read somewhere that people are not unmotivated. We are really just motivated to do something else. I’m pretty sure I read the article right here on Medium and I’m also pretty sure it was by Ryan Fan. But my pretty sure is someone else’s where-the-fuck-did-you-get-that-idea? So if I’m missing the mark, please let me know. If I’m right, Ryan, could you link your story in the comments, please? I really can’t remember the title.

The article really struck a chord with me. I have complained most of my life of having a lack of motivation to do the serious, responsible things.

• I didn’t finish high school
• I didn’t finish college
• I would start many projects and wouldn’t finish them
• I would rarely finish cleaning the house, dry the dishes or do the laundry

I complain about or justify my lack of follow-through as a result of a lack of motivation.

But let’s take a look at each of the bullet points above to see what was really going on.

I didn’t finish high school

I’ve written before about my early childhood trauma and some bad decisions I made as a result. These decisions, though it might not seem like it on the face of things, were about survival.

I was so damaged and broken and hurt inside I couldn’t cope. I couldn’t face life.

I turned at a very young age (13) to drugs and alcohol. I had already been smoking cigarettes since age 10, so it was almost a natural progression to start drinking and smoking pot. In order to escape the pain of the ongoing trauma, I tuned to harder and harder drugs. First the hallucinogenics and then, finally, heroin.

But when I was in my last year of high school, I confessed to my dad what I had been doing. I was placed in a drug treatment center and got off the drugs. The difficult part was going back to school.

My high school was in Hollywood, California. At the time it was famous as a place to pick up drugs and young women. They had drug dogs on campus sniffing all the lockers and student bags. Even some of the teachers were addicted to drugs.

This was obviously not a good surrounding for someone who was newly clean and sober.

So, I dropped out of high school and took the equivalency exam which I passed with high marks. The truth wasn’t that I was not motivated to finish school, but that I was motivated to stay off drugs.

I haven’t used heroin since, so maybe it was a good call.

I didn’t finish college

I got married and had babies pretty early in my life. My wedding was 4 days after my 20th birthday and my first daughter was already 4 months old. We had our second daughter soon after and then 6 years later I had my youngest daughter.

When she was a year old, I started college. I took art, psychology, and literature.

Even though I wasn’t attending school full time, it took a toll on my home and family. I withdrew from classes the third year, fully intending to return later.

I never did.

It isn’t because I was not motivated to get an education. I was just more motivated to keep my family. My son, the baby, just turned 18 and moved out, so I suppose I could finish now, but I don’t really see the point. I won’t be staying a new career this late in life and the things I need to learn to be successful in my chosen careers (writing, painting, ranching) I can learn online without the need to stain a degree.

I would start many projects and wouldn’t finish them

Yet. I haven’t finished them, yet. I may still finish someday, but I doubt I will ever do one single project from stay to finish all at once.

I have been working on the rag rug since 2018 (!). I used to braid and stitch and braid and stitch while the family watched TV after dinner.

The older I get, the worse I see. I’ve always been nearsighted, but for the last 10 years, I’ve needed to wear bifocals. It’s a natural part of aging.

The last time I went to the eye doctor was in 2019. I was due to go in March of 2020 but, you guessed it, the pandemic. I didn’t want to travel an hour away to get my eyes checked in a city that was a Covid 19 “hot spot.” (I am now fully vaccinated so I no longer have an excuse)(I still haven’t made the appointment).

It’s not that I was unmotivated to finish that particular project, I was just motivated to do something I could see better.

Other projects I start but then might get distracted by something else. It sounds like bragging, and maybe it is, but I have quite a few talents. Writing, art, cooking, baking, candy making, gardening, crafting, etc. It sounds like a good thing, to have many skills, but it is super easy to get distracted by the next shiny idea that pops into my head.

It’s not that I am unmotivated to finish that article, poem, painting but that I am motivated to make some caramels or preserve some grape leaves or make some goat cheese.

I would rarely finish cleaning the house, dry the dishes or do the laundry

I have actually met quite a few people who really enjoy housework. I, unfortunately, am not one of them.

I do like to have a tidy house with each object having its place. I like to be able to walk barefoot in the house without stepping in grit and dust. I enjoy having clean clothes and a room that doesn’t smell like dirty socks. I enjoy the ability to take a clean dish out of the cupboard and use it without first having to wash it.

So I will start these chores, but again, I will get distracted. I might be standing washing dishes and start craving cookies. So instead of finishing the dishes in the sink, I will make more dirty dishes by making cookies.

It’s not that I’m unmotivated to do the housework . . . well, maybe it is. PROBABLY it is. But let’s continue with the topic.

I’m just more motivated to make messes than I am to clean them up.

This brings me to this week’s theme challenge. Motivation.

Some people strike me as incredibly driven people with the motivation to get things done. I can’t help but wonder what gets left undone because they lack the motivation to do it.

Or is it simply being motivated in a different direction?

Some people are motivated by external forces. They are motivated to work hard to provide for their children or family.

They are motivated to earn a lot of money so they can buy Lamborghinis and the semblance of love.

Some people think they are motivated to do one thing, but when they are unable to accomplish it realize they were actually motivated to do something else.

What motivates you? What motivation are you lacking?

Motivation: 50 or 100 words. GO!

Please choose either the fifty-word or 100-word challenge, not both. See the guidelines for your chosen challenge below.

Remember, in order to be considered for the challenge, you need to write exactly 100 or 50 words (contractions such as ‘you’ll’ and ‘y’all’ count as one, as do articles ‘a’ and ‘the’ and all 23 auxiliary verbs ‘am’ ‘is’ ‘are’ etc. Hyphenated words count as one word.) The editors reserve the right to add or remove words to ensure the exact word count. Please keep an eye on your tags as laid out in the submission guidelines above.

Please use the kicker 100 WORDS or 50 WORDS and ‘Thrifty Words 100 Challenge #21: Motivation’ or ‘Fifty Word Challenge #42: Motivation’ as your subtitle and submit by 4 pm EST on Friday 18th June. All stories submitted by the deadline will be released on Saturday in the weekly roundup.

Need some inspiration? Here’s last week's roundup by Melissa R. Mendelson, our brand new addition to TBI’s Thrifty Words editing team.