On the MAP News

Mother Investigated After Child’s Tablet and Phone Ban

Concerns for the global community as parent goes rogue

In breaking news, a Finnish mother has been accused of taking away her children’s tablet and phone and restricting screen time to only ten minutes once a week.

Journalists here at FUNN have been contacted by concerned relatives after an as-yet-unnamed woman was heard telling her children that they would get their tablets back when hell froze over.

The children were reported to have been hysterical, screaming and crying and throwing themselves to the ground.

“We are just really worried about the kids. I mean, how are the precious little bundles of joy going to cope not getting everything they want?” stated a concerned relative.

There have been grave concerns from the international parent group, Our Children Decide (OCD), by taking away a child’s right to watch whatever they want whenever they want, would lead to outbreaks of hysteria within child populations on a global scale.

“That mother really needs to take a hard look at herself and think about the impact her ban might have on her kids’ well being. It’s socially irresponsible!” OCD’s spokesperson, Evan A. Doogooder, exclaimed.

“This isn’t the first case we have heard of. We have had reports of a mother in Suffix, UK, who locked her children’s laptop and phone in a safe and the children were told they would not get them back until they had cleaned their rooms.”

“There were also reports of a mother in New Haven, NY, who sold her child’s phone on Craigslist because they wouldn’t take out the trash. Our OCD investigators are still working on that one.”

Doogooder, a trained toddler-pacifier, and advocate for the Let Our Offspring Persistently Yell (LOOPY) parenting theory suggests that parents who are removing their child’s right to a constant stream of entertainment are risking the psychological health and development of future generations.

“LOOPY parenting is there for a reason, to guide the world to create a better future. Imagine if children went outside and connected with nature? They might actually care about it and then what would happen? They’d start planting trees, buying less stuff, not participating in Black Friday or other consumer events. It would be chaos!” Doogooder would not comment further as to whether she had been negotiating with Finnish authorities to arrest the mother.

This comes after reports of a US mother not posting enough photos of her child on social media.

“One thing just leads to another,” Doogooder explains. “The flow-on-effect of this globally will undermine everything that OCD and LOOPY Parenting has been working towards for decades. We just can’t have rogue parents taking away their children’s entertainment. It’s just not right!”

FUNN has been assured that they will be contacted by OCD if there are any further outbreaks in the Nordic region.

It seems that this bizarre and cruel punishment is spreading globally. If you hear of any of these practices you are asked to contact LOOPY directly on their hotline PARENTING 101.

Stay tuned for more breaking news from FUNN (Finland’s United News Network) or on a MAP network near you.