More Sexist Tropes Dismantled

The Easy-Use List Continues

Not long ago I published a list of common sexist tropes that some men tend to throw up in conversations about how women are treated on a societal level — and then proceeded to easily take them apart. The three that I delved into were 1) that women take the children away in custody disputes, 2) that men have to fight the wars (while women safely sit home with their feet up) and 3) that women don’t care about the fact that men also get raped and suffer domestic abuse. Read here to see the effortless rebuttals:

Although it was a good start, and a quick way to just link an article without having to rewrite a response each time these particular tropes get trotted out, (which is often), it was far from complete. The kinds of men who tend to lean towards these tribal markers, rather than towards having actual conversations about how to improved society for everyone, quite often get caught in the zero-sum (win-lose) take on things. It’s not a very productive way to approach an issue, any issue, but since some guys just can’t seem to break the habit, here are a few more of my responses:

1. Men do all of the really dangerous jobs (and are therefore somehow treated as disposable by women).

Although dangerous jobs are undoubtedly done more often by men, it’s not a brand new phenomenon that women currently work as soldiers, stuntwomen, truck drivers, pilots, oil-rig workers, etc. But the real thing that’s off-base about this trope is that it’s invariably brought up by the same men who like to trot out the so-called “Nordic Paradox.” In Scandinavian countries, none of which has complete gender parity, but which do have more than the rest of the world, most “pink collar” jobs like teachers and nurses are still filled by women who have chosen them for themselves of their own free will.

Conclusion: Given free choice, some women tend to gravitate towards more of certain kinds of jobs and some men tend to gravitate towards others. Last time I checked, no one was forcing anyone to do dangerous jobs or talking about men as being disposable.

The point of moving towards a society that is free of artificial barriers is that anyone can do any job they want, provided they have the necessary qualifications and drive to do so.

2. Evolutionary biology dictates that men want the best looking mates they can get and women want the best providers so it’s OK to fat shame women or otherwise reduce them to their appearance because women do the same thing to men around their earning potential.

Not so fast! There is an obvious grain of truth about evolutionary biology on the large scale, but all you have to do is look out the window to see people of all shapes, sizes, and economic potentials paired up together. And as I’ve already written about, research indicates that it’s actually men who care more about their earning potential than women do. And both men and women value caring and compassionate partners above all else.

Conclusion: With the possible exception of a small number of very superficial people, human beings are interested in being partnered with a wide variety of people based on a wide variety of factors, including but not limited to how kind and compassionate they are.

Both sexes are attracted to partners who appear “healthy” and “fertile” but the specifics of what that means is not entirely fixed. Certainly, near anorexic looking models and starlets don’t fit the traditional meaning of those words and there are just no excuses that justify reducing anyone to only one aspect of themselves.

Which leads us to #3

3. If we didn’t have socially enforced monogamy, all the women would gravitate to just a few of the wealthiest and most desirable men, leaving most men with no sexual partners and violence and chaos would ensue.

As someone who is not monogamous, this one makes me want to laugh out loud. That’s just not how it works AT ALL! But none-the-less, I’ll have a go at deconstructing it rationally and without smirking.

Firstly, we already do have socially enforced monogamy. Polyamory may be growing in popularity but is far from being considered socially acceptable or mainstream. We are deeply engrained in a monogamy oriented culture. None-the-less we have a high rate of violence as a society and against women, in particular. Half of all women who are murdered are killed by current or former domestic partners.

Secondly, what Jordan Peterson (ever the androcentrist) and others who are asserting this far-fetched notion are basing it on is polygamist societies, where a few high-status men do get their pick of women, often coming up with pretexts to run off young men or otherwise lower status ones, which can lead to violence and destabilization. But in polyamory, women have choices also and they often care about their autonomy and freedom more than they care about attaching themselves to “high status” men.

Since there is no artificial limit to how many partners one can have within polyamory (even as a woman), there is constant incentive to not behave like an ass, because your partners can easily go somewhere else without stigma if you do. One man is not collecting a harem because all of his partners may have multiple partners as well and they do not necessarily rely on him for financial, emotional or any other kind of support.

Conclusion: You cannot overlay monogamy mindsets over top of polyamory and come up with a relevant, functional theory. We would have less violence and chaos if we lived in a world where men had no notion that they owned or had any right to control women; a world where people all behaved their best in order to continue to attract the most attractive people to them. A world more based in polyamorous and not monogamous ideals.

Final Conclusion: Clinging to and focusing on what makes the sexes different does not serve either one. There may be some innate differences but those are not nearly as important as what allows individuals of any gender to be who they are.

Final Final Conclusion: Trying to artificially police people into behaving in normative ways, doing normative jobs or engaging in normative relationships is not what is best for individuals or for society as a whole.

© Copyright Elle Beau 2020 Elle Beau writes on Medium about sex, life, relationships, society, anthropology, spirituality, and love. If this story is appearing anywhere other than Medium.com, it appears without my consent and has been stolen.