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Abstract

dd4">Here are some horrible headlines from draft articles I never finished:</p><p id="d23e">1 — Only a Little Spittle</p><p id="7b97"><i>Another coming of age whilst wearing a retainer mini-memoir.</i></p><p id="cd97">2 — Cranky Crone Crotch Chronicles</p><p id="d914"><i>I am slowly but surely righteously reclaiming the crone throne.</i></p><p id="7ff8">3— Chicken Soup For the Bowl</p><p id="7dfb"><i>As opposed to for the plate.</i></p><p id="90f0">4— I’m Getting Harried In the Morning</p><p id="9d08"><i>Please let there be many vintage musical theatre fans out there in Mediumland.</i></p><p id="9911">5 — Deleted User Clapped For Me</p><p id="099b"><i>True story. Just not an interesting one.</i></p><p id="d806">6 — Meet My Baby: Diabetes Two Cralle</p><p id="f083"><i>I used to think all babies were beautiful.</i></p><p id="18fa">7 — It’s Not Auto-Brewery Syndrome: Your Teen Is Drunk</p><p id="7171"><i>You can have your phone back when you’re forty.</i></p><p id="bb54">8— Cattywampus On Campus</p><p id="dff7"><i>Makes no sense. Doesn’t rhyme. Its momma dr

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esses it funny.</i></p><p id="0b95">9 — Three Pair of Sensible Shoes Walked Into a Bar</p><p id="0c3b"><i>Too raunchy?</i></p><p id="f83a">10 — Just Watch Me Not Pay for Your Phone</p><p id="f673"><i>Take that, you hellion!</i></p><p id="3f41">11 — I’m Generation Raccoon Eyeliner</p><p id="58d2"><i>You can take the girl out of the 80’s but . . .</i></p><p id="67c4">12 — Ode to the Von Trapps’ Curtain Clothing</p><p id="c595"><i>Who wore it better — Scarlett or Maria?</i></p><p id="279e">The end.</p><div id="3841" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/my-headlines-are-shit-4f1088184c4a"> <div> <div> <h2>My Headlines Are Sh*t</h2> <div><h3>Succotash is neither succ nor tash</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*2r0haR36em4Hsl4z)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div></article></body>

I’M MISSING A SKILL SET

More Crap Headlines

I’ll stop writing shitty titles when I’m dead

**If any scenario from your lifetime resembles this photo, beware of helpful scouts popping up whenever you cross the street**. Photo by Peter Lawrence on Unsplash

I am Medium’s worst headline hatcher, full stop. Starting with my devotion to all things rhyming. My kid didn’t name his pet “Mamster the Hamster” without some parental prodding. And don’t get me started on alliteration. Which should have a more prominent role in the “Kamasutra” given how sexy, sultry, sensual, and slurpy it is. Then there is my penchant for the cryptic . . . I shall say no more . . .

Here are some horrible headlines from draft articles I never finished:

1 — Only a Little Spittle

Another coming of age whilst wearing a retainer mini-memoir.

2 — Cranky Crone Crotch Chronicles

I am slowly but surely righteously reclaiming the crone throne.

3— Chicken Soup For the Bowl

As opposed to for the plate.

4— I’m Getting Harried In the Morning

Please let there be many vintage musical theatre fans out there in Mediumland.

5 — Deleted User Clapped For Me

True story. Just not an interesting one.

6 — Meet My Baby: Diabetes Two Cralle

I used to think all babies were beautiful.

7 — It’s Not Auto-Brewery Syndrome: Your Teen Is Drunk

You can have your phone back when you’re forty.

8— Cattywampus On Campus

Makes no sense. Doesn’t rhyme. Its momma dresses it funny.

9 — Three Pair of Sensible Shoes Walked Into a Bar

Too raunchy?

10 — Just Watch Me Not Pay for Your Phone

Take that, you hellion!

11 — I’m Generation Raccoon Eyeliner

You can take the girl out of the 80’s but . . .

12 — Ode to the Von Trapps’ Curtain Clothing

Who wore it better — Scarlett or Maria?

The end.

My Headlines Are Sh*t

Succotash is neither succ nor tash

medium.com