Money-Making Opportunities For Time Travelers — Piss Tourism

It’s been said the problem with pissing on Margaret Thatcher’s grave is that you eventually run out of piss, maybe so, but it’s not the only problem.

Hell, there are in fact lots of problems involved in pissing on the graves of the rich and powerful.

But there needn’t be!

Howdy folks, it’s me again your old pal Agent 99 of Illuminati Ganga and I am excited to tell you about some new services we are offering to help you piss on the graves of people you want to piss on the graves of.

Grave pissing is in the news again, recently somebody pissed on Rush Limbaugh’s Grave

The authorities were of course intent on catching the culprit, so they ran extensive DNA testing only to discover it was meek, mild and very dead Dale McLorem of Sunnyvale California.

The police, not generally known for the imaginative or deductive insights, are working on a theory that Mr. McLorem had his urine cryogenically preserved and then, after the death of Limbaugh, the urine was unfrozen and agents working on his behalf splashed its contents from a chemical beaker onto the grave.

But as is often the case the police are wrong.

In fact Mr. McLorem was one of the many satisfied customers of Illuminati Ganga’s time tourism — a service we have been offering for ever since human existence began in one way, but in another way for 10 years.

Illuminati Ganga’s tourism services are unique and (of note to potential investors) command a premium price, where most time tourism just takes you some place and time like the crucifixion of some Jewish counter-cultural hippie (who is really confused at all these overweight people wearing shorts, t-shirts, and sandals with socks in them showing up to cry over him), or the person with the iphone taking crotch shots at the 1962 World Cup.

Illuminati Ganga has the market for people who would like to piss on the graves of their enemies but are worried or in some sad cases know, that they will not live long enough to do so.

When Dale McLorem was diagnosed with Pancreatic cancer and told he only had two months to live, he was very depressed over not being to able to live out his life long dream of pissing on the grave of Rush Limbaugh.

Illuminati Ganga gave him that opportunity, for the mere pittance of tens of thousands of dollars and his children’s inheritance we brought him forward into a future when both he and Rush Limbaugh were dead, but only one of them was still around to piss on the grave of the other. And in case you’re wondering, that one who pissed was Dale!

Obviously Rush Limbaugh is only a very recent pissed on dead guy.

Some very famous past examples of people pissed on —

Margaret Thatcher had so many people show up to piss on her from her past that we were running temporal tours at a 10 minute interval, we set up an access point at some mining villages, showed up and packed people in. I know what you are thinking, how did a bunch of poor miners afford to go piss on Margaret Thatcher!?

Obviously not every miner who wanted to piss on Margaret Thatcher needed to time travel to do so, only the ones who had a poor enough life expectancy to warrant it would do so. Matching up actuarial tables with the miners Illuminati Ganga identified 1192 miners with a greater than 85% likelihood of dying before Thatcher.

This data allowed for the mining communities to pull together and hold all sorts of money making schemes to make sure the 1192 miners with limited life expectancy could still experience the dream and the natural right of every British citizen, to piss on the grave of Margaret Thatcher.

Pissing on the graves of your enemies is becoming more popular of an activity every year. And now, thanks to Illuminati Ganga you can piss on the graves of your enemies even if they happen to outlive you!

Are you a high school teacher close to retirement with an irritating student — why not treat yourself? In 65 years that kid is probably dead, buried in the local cemetery. Hold him back in class and tell him your plan! Nobody will believe him anyway and by the time your plan succeeds you will be long out the reach of the law!

Please Contact Illuminati Ganga for more details regarding these possibilities, and in words of Marcel Duchamp:

This advertisement for services provided by Illuminati Ganga was written by IG Agent 99 who is currently unavailable for comment.

It was recently mentioned in the report of various Time Travel businesses and their profitability for the current fiscal continuum

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