Summary

An IG Agent recounts their experiences with time travel, addressing criticism and Twitter outrage, while reflecting on the challenges and misunderstandings faced by time travelers.

Abstract

The article, authored by IG Agent 99, discusses the agent's recent encounters with time travel-related issues, including saving reality and dealing with the fallout from ungrateful critics on social media. The agent defends against accusations of incompetence and insensitivity towards medical emergencies, highlighting the successful rebuild of The Protervus time machine. The piece also touches on the complexities of explaining time travel to historical figures and the societal norms of different eras, as well as the civil rights implications of time travel. The agent points out the hypocrisy of critics who mock historical figures' appearances and dismisses the notion that providing a cover story for a time-displaced individual is akin to wrongdoing. The article concludes with a discussion of the importance of synching calendars in time travel and the need for respect and understanding towards time travelers.

Opinions

The author feels underappreciated and unfairly criticized for their efforts in saving reality through time travel.
There is frustration towards those who mock medical conditions, such as mouthbreathing, without understanding the underlying issues.
The author is proud of the improved design of The Protervus time machine, emphasizing its enhanced features.
The piece expresses irritation at the trivialization of the complexities involved in time travel, especially regarding historical figures' understanding of such technology.
The author criticizes the moral grandstanding of Agent 31 and others who selectively apply their principles, particularly in their criticism of Fanny Brice's attire across time periods.
There is a clear respect for L. Sprague De Camp, portraying him as a legendary figure in the time travel community.
The author advocates for practical considerations in time travel operations, such as payment methods preferred by time travelers.
The article suggests that the IG Twitter feed should acknowledge the diversity of contributions from various agents, rather than being dominated by a few.

Time Travel Shenanigans and Twitter outrageousness

As you may know I recently had some various Time Travel problems, in which the state of reality itself was threatened, but hey I pulled it through and saved the universe, again, not that I’m expecting thanks or anything but when this is the thanks I get it’s a little bit underwhelming and a little bit much all at the same time:

First of all I would never mouthbreath unless under some sort of medical emergency, people are meant to nosebreath and if we don’t it’s probably because something is going seriously wrong. Obviously making fun of mouthbreathers is pretty likely to be making fun of people going through a medical emergency.

Second of all, someone who managed to save reality should not be described as incompetent. Jerkwad I’ll accept as a matter of opinion, the opinion of ungrateful people whose lives I saved when I saved reality, people who also like to evidently make fun of people with medical issues. So I mean jerkwad is the opinion of people whose opinion really isn’t worth much I guess.

Third of all, check out the cover image — that’s right wadjerkers, I did what I said I would, I rebuilt The Protervus, it’s faster than ever, slightly more roomy, and better shielded against temporal radiation even if you stick your head up against my express orders to admire the scenery — remember that one professor who got turned into a talking crustacean? Probably wouldn’t happen with this baby!

But hey, that’s not all I have to deal with from these guys

Gee, it really takes a caring person to worry about the civil rights of someone who was a queen in another culture that owned slaves and existed more than 2000 years ago. Thanks for your concern Agent 31, you are a credit to the organization.

And all you need to do to feel better about yourself is to talk shit about how I look and insinuate that getting laid outside my time line and providing a cover story for the special lady I’m spending time with that she will understand is somehow tantamount to rape!?!

How stupid it would be to tell a Queen of the Second Kingdom: “hey babe, this is a fully working chronocraft with minimal shielding against temporal disturbances, colloquially known as a time machine” she has never read H.G Wells or seen any Science Fiction film, she just doesn’t have the references, when I take her on a little jaunt to Belle Epoque Paris how am I going to explain that — throughout most of human existence the only explanations that will suffice are either God or Devil. Claiming to be a God is, believe me, the most beneficial.

But for all their uninformed shit-talking apparently they’re the victims here

Whine, whine, whine. But really I don’t think it’s just me, I think they have something against time travelers altogether, look at this

So hey, Fanny Brice was a pure New York gal of her time, but she wasn’t above doing a bit of temporal cross-jumping, but for some reason this gives these jerks an excuse to make fun of the way she dressed?

I mean really, where is Agent 31’s high moral hobbyhorse now, has he sprung off it temporarily to slag off a woman for her looks. But I’m the jerk around here!

OK I remember this, and first of L. Sprague De Camp was one of the greatest time travelers who ever lived and a genuine badass who could walk into a saloon in any old western town full of lowlifes and gunfighters and when asked “what’s your name pahdnuh” answer “L. Sprague De Camp” and stare down the half drunken violent criminals who might otherwise dare to laugh.

So, I don’t want to make organizational waves here or anything, but I happened to bump into L. at the Time Traveler’s party announced by Stephen Hawking of Time Stream Theta for July 17th, 2009 — of course everyone as a typical security procedure went to the party in Time Stream Xi where Hawking had announced the party as being on June 28, 2009 in Cambridge. At any rate we confabbed, and it turned out the IG accounting office was not able to pay in Chronocoin, so obviously he dropped the project and went his own way. Pay people how they want to be paid, otherwise don’t complain if they don’t want to work for you!

This is just to show that not every post on the IG Twitter feed is by a technically illiterate mean-spirited baboon. It is quite correct that one of the main problems is syncing calendars.

I wonder who it was that was smart enough to observe this essential fact of time travel? Oh wait, I know, it was ME!

That’s right every accredited agent has access to the feed and can post their data and observations as they would like, so maybe the two office rats who maintain the feed most of the time should keep that in mind.

This article was written by IG Agent 99.