avatarPatrick Eades

Summary

The article is a humorous exploration of the author's relationship with mirrors, highlighting 10 reasons why mirrors are considered beneficial, from their role in self-reflection to their practical uses in daily life.

Abstract

The author of the article reflects on their transformation from a mirror-averse individual to someone who appreciates the many uses and benefits of mirrors. They humorously present 10 reasons why mirrors are the best, including their ability to serve as silent confidants, their role in popular culture as seen in shows like "Black Mirror," their practical applications in personal grooming and vehicle safety, and their metaphorical significance as glass ceilings and aphrodisiacs. The piece is a satirical take on the multifaceted nature of mirrors, blending personal anecdotes with tongue-in-cheek observations about society and self-perception.

Opinions

  • The author initially disliked mirrors due to self-image issues but grew to appreciate their value.
  • Mirrors are seen as great companions because they don't talk back, enhancing the author's sense of rhetoric.
  • "Black Mirror" is highlighted as a prime example of mirrors' influence on television and culture.
  • The author humorously claims to perform advanced dental surgeries with the aid of mirrors.
  • Mirrors in vehicles are credited with saving lives by improving visibility.
  • The author suggests that mirrors can serve as message boards, avoiding the unpleasant sound of chalk on a blackboard.
  • Breaking a mirror is jokingly associated with seven years of bad sex, rather than the traditional superstition of bad luck.
  • Mirrors are likened to magic balls, referencing their transformative effect on people, such as John Travolta.
  • The article satirically suggests that mirrors are essential for personal grooming, including the maintenance of body hair.
  • Mirrors are metaphorically presented as glass ceilings, containing ambition while providing a reflective surface for self-indulgence.
  • The author concludes that mirrors ensure one is never alone, which can be comforting or unsettling depending on one's self-perception.

Self-reflection

Mirrors Are the Best. 10 Reflections Why.

13 Reasons is just too much

Who am I, really? Photo by Andre Mouton on Pexels.com

I never used to be so narcissistic.

When I was growing up, I hated mirrors. I was a gangly, dorky looking thing. The idea of being seen with myself was mortifying.

I was so terrified, I used to blindfold myself in fear that if I caught sight of my reflection I would be driven to madness and top myself. Kind of like that movie, Bird Box, with Sandra Bullock. (Did they steal that from me? I’m copyrighting my next phobia.)

It did make crossing the six-lane highway to walk to school a bit of a gamble, but we all take risks to keep our sanity safe.

Over time, I removed the blindfold and was pleasantly surprised to see a beautiful butterfly had emerged.

Turned out the cloth bandana I was using had been home to caterpillars. Not maggots after all.

After finding out my flesh was no longer rotting like my soul, mirrors became my friend. Why do mirrors make such great friends? Funny, I should ask.

1. Mirrors are great to ask questions to

I ask mine a whole bunch.

Mirror, mirror on the wall, why does Disney (finally) recognise racial stereotypes but still thinks dwarves live in caves?

Who’s your daddy?

Does my bum look hairy in this? (I have installed front and rear facing mirrors. And yes, I sometimes wear sheer pants.)

Is my soul ok?

The best part is the mirror never answers back. That makes me sound a whole lot more rhetorical, which makes me feel a whole lot more smartical.

2. Mirrors make great television shows

Black Mirror. The greatest dystopian sci-fi show of all time. Just get past the first episode. (Or watch it on repeat, if you’re into that sort of thing.)

OK, I don’t know any other shows about mirrors. But is that a reflection on me, or on a significant hole in our copycat society?

3. Mirrors enable you to perform your own dental surgery

Flossing is for rookies.

With the aid of mirrors, I am able to perform my own root canal, wisdom tooth extraction (don’t worry, I can spare it), and even corrective jaw surgery.

I like to source my parts from the museum. The paleolithic era had jawlines to die for. Photo by Luis Domenech on Unsplash

4. Mirrors prevent car accidents

It’s true. Mirrors in vehicles are lifesaving.

They allow you to squeeze zits at traffic lights, comb your hair on cruise control, and surreptitiously peek at the couple heavy petting in the back seat of your uber.

5. Mirrors function much like a chalkboard, only without the horrifying noise

Messages are best written in lipstick or blood, and with a violent persuasion.

Mathematics equations or brainstorming your next viral medium article also works well.

Oh God! Self-help! I take it back, this is way more horrifying than the nail scraping sound. Photo by Valeriia Miller on Unsplash

6. Break a mirror, and you get seven years of bad sex

Wait, you’re telling me I get seven years of sex?!

And I don’t even have to buy flavoured chocolates or watch Love Actually for the 91st time?!

Definitely a great investment for those who are single, married and/or over 105 years old.

7. They make magic balls

Just look at the effect they have on John Travolta.

8. Mirrors improve your gardening skills

Warning: You may want to skip to the next point if you get queasy easy. Some gardening is best avoided on a full stomach.

Let’s face it, with everyone these days so deathly afraid of age-related hair migration, you need a degree in landscape gardening to maintain a sexually attractive body.

Mirrors are essential to complete the following bo(dy)tanical skills:

· Pube-scaping

· Nostril pube-scaping

· Belly button descaling

· Webbed-toe-crack fungal removal

· Anal weed management

9. They make great glass ceilings

Not only will they contain that pesky feminist wife of yours, but when she’s off on another of her ‘work trips,’ you can watch yourself masturbate lying down!

10. You are never alone

If you like who you are, this is a good thing.

If you are scared by the deviant, horrifically poetic monster you have become, I suggest you

don’t turn on the light when you pee-pee overnight.

And if you are disappointed at the hollow hack of a writer pumping out listicle after listicle when they should be carving a novel out of truth, beauty and a picture of you?

Sorry, but there’s no aphrodisiac like Medium.

Hate aphrodisiacs but love the number 10?

Humor
Satire
Comedy
Self Reflection
Mirror
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