Vice Presidential Revenge
Mike Pence Finally Speaks Out
The eruption on live television nobody saw coming
Mike Pence is someone who has always had what you might call a thick skin and a tight button lip. He was born to be the perfect yes-man to a demagogue like Donald Trump.
We don’t know what happened in his suburban white picket fence childhood somewhere in the flat midwestern utopia of Indiana. No one ever bothered to ask.
It would take a lot for Mike Pence to finally one day put his soft foot down and open his small tight mouth to utter the small protest the entire world had been waiting for.
We all thought it would come out after hordes of Trump fanatics were calling for his blood with the blatant display of nooses outside the Capitol two years ago. We were wrong. Not a peep came out.
Pence at this point was still the model button-lipped yes-man. He would not be badmouthing his President even when the President was trying to get him killed.
Say what you will about Trump, he knows how to spot an uncompromising Welcome Mat when he sees one. He would wipe his Mar-a-Lago golf cleats all over Pence’s patient button-lipped face until the very end.
That is, until today. Yet another headline from Nine News came out screaming to the world more revelations regarding Trump’s horrifying treatment towards the former vice president:
Trump Belittled Pence With Vulgar Taunts In Bid To Overturn Election Results.
After all of the previous insults and humiliation, nobody would have expected this little article to become the final straw on the camel’s back for Mike Pence. But it was. And speak out, he did.
We are not sure what part of the article finally did it for Mr. Pence. Was it the reminder that Donald Trump called him a “wimp” as the mob chanted “Hang Mike Pence” like a scene out of the Middle Ages? But this never seemed to move the former VP before. What changed?
Here is what Mike Pence had to say in his exclusive interview with Mehdi Hasan today:
“Donald Trump is an overweight, motherfucking coward. Guy can’t even golf. Looks like Humpty Fucking Dumpty out there, Mehdi! Have you seen his fat ass swing a 9 club? A disgrace!”
Mehdi Hassan was freaking out and hoping his team at MSNBC were quick enough to edit this unexpected rant laced with cuss words from the usually calm, unruffled, even transcendental, Mike Pence.
But Pence wasn’t finished. Mehdi Hasan tried to get a question in, but Pence uncharacteristically steamrolled ahead:
“Motherfucker ran the country like some mentally-challenged fat ass driving an ice cream truck. Frankly, I’m surprised other countries didn’t start nuking our ass! Even his best friend, Putin, was privately ashamed of him. I couldn’t find a single world leader who had any respect for him.”
Then, Pence turned directly towards the camera and started pointing his finger.
“Donald, if you’re listening, your days are numbered, you dumb motherfucker. I’ve got a gang of old country klan from my old stomping grounds in the heartland of Indiana that make your Proud Boys look like a bunch of clowns. These robed priests know exactly what to do with a noose. And they don’t stop at threats either, Donnie. No make-believe gesturing like your stupid little fans. They are the real deal!”
Pence then got a piece of rope out of his back pocket, stood up and slowly tightened it into a noose around Donald Trump’s imaginary fat pink neck.
He then walked off stage, leaving Mehdi Hasan speechless.
This was the Mike Pence we had all been waiting for.
© Carlo Zeno 2022
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