Migraines: the hidden struggle.
You just have to keep searching for the right help
I have had many ignorant responses to my migraines. A neurologist once asked what triggers them. I listed a few things and added, playing tennis in the sun. He smirked and said, Oh well, just give up playing tennis.
A teacher colleague spread rumours that I was a junkie. She saw me injecting migraine medication at lunch time. It was an injection, or go home, and I didn’t want to leave my class.
A principal complained that I was taking too much time off with ‘headaches.’ I replied I suffer from migraines. He said They’ve got a cure for those now, you know. I said it was not true, and that I had the latest meds but they only reduce the frequency and length, not the pain. He laughed and walked away.
A history of demoralising incidents.
It was at an all night medical centre. I had had a migraine for days without relief. I said that I was diagnosed with classic migraines, that I’d had them since I was ten. I was laying on a row of chairs because it was too painful to be upright and vomited in the waiting area.
When I get a severe migraine it is dificult to speak. I finally saw the doctor and he asked for my lengthy migraine treatment history. I understood it was necessary, but started crying from frustration and pain. My voice was slurred, as if I had had a stroke, or was drunk or drugged. He refused serious pain medication, and said he believed I was ‘an addict,’ faking pain to get more drugs. The nurse gave me two paracetamol and I left in total despair
I’ve had migraines since I was ten.
It was on a school excursion to Chessington Zoo. It started with a headache from the smell, heat and movement of the bus. It set in on the ferris wheel in the blazing sun, and it intensified to a migraine on the bus coming home. There were other triggers, like hormones, hunger and thirst, but I was too young to recognise them.
It happened again when I was eleven.
My class went to Calais, France for a day excursion. We went via a diesel train ride and a cross-channel ferry trip. The channel was so rough, the crew put the edges of tables up to stop cups sliding off. Vomit bags were handed out. I ignored the head pain and avoided nausea during the day, but let loose on the train trip home. Mum was shocked to meet me at the station. I was crying, and dressed only in underpants and a borrowed plastic raincoat.
They flattened me for days.
Before I had children, in the mid seventies, the migraines were almost unbearable. It was a matter of hiding in a blacked-out room, with an icepack on whichever side the migraine was throbbing, and taking paracetemol or codeine, then available from pharmacies.
I took copious over-the-counter medications.
I learned later, they were responsible for lengthening the duration of the pain, rather than lessening it. I would sometimes vomit the tablets up and then be unsure if they had been effective.
I was finally diagnosed with classic migraine and prescribed ergotamine suppositories, nasal and oral sprays. I even had incredibly expensive injections. All of these still didn’t manage the migraines, and had terrible side-effects. But they acted like a life-preserver when I was feeling hopeless
People offer all kinds of ‘not so helpful’ advice and remedies.
They mean well but usually base it on their experience of an occasional bad headache. I have tried everything, from lavender oil to chiropractic treatment, from magnets to TENS machines. I have done hypnosis, naturopathy, massage, acupuncture, physiotherapy and meditation. I have given up chocoate, oranges, bananas, ice-cream, wine and more. And yes, tennis.
I get impatient when someone represents a headache as a migraine. Migraines chop the legs out from under you. They feel as if your brain is on fire, or being stabbed. They will drive you to feel that being dead is preferable to the endless, excruciating pain.
Do not despair; there is always someone that can help.
I found a sympathetic pharmacist, whose wife suffers from migraines, and an amazing neurologist. They are the most compassionate people I’ve ever met, and are jointly responsible for my continued existence.
I survive because of different forms of sumatriptan and very occasionally need a trip to the ER for something stronger. I know my body and brain well, and appear to have the migraines controlled.
A heartfelt plea.
Please give real migraine sufferers the recognition they deserve. We are mostly experts in our field, driven by years of being misunderstood, misdiagnosed or untreated.
And for the love of god, if someone says they have been disgnosed with migraines, or any hidden medical condition, give them the respect and compassion they so strongly deserve.
This article inspired me to write about my experience of migraines.
