Men: Why You Should Call Us Women, Not “Females” or “Girls”

Calling women “girls” or “females” is to infantilize and dehumanize us, minimizing our power and humanity.

If you are unintentionally interchanging the terms, “women,” “females,” and “girls,” it serves you to be more conscious of the weight and connotations of these words. Also, note that being dismissive when a woman calls you out for using the terms “female” or “girl” also is not ok. You may think a woman is making a fuss out of nothing, causing drama, or being petty in “nit-picking” words.

But please, to the men who do not see what is wrong with the terms “female” or “girl” when referring to a woman, please, I plead with you, try considering a woman’s perspective and the larger, broader cultural context.

It is no coincidence that the discussion of whether women like to be called “girls” has been discussed in Forbes Magazine, in an article from August 9, 2021, by Susan Madsen, “Why Calling Women ‘Girls’ Is a Bigger Deal Than You May Think.” Madsen aptly notes in her preamble that men are seldom called “boys,” and yet women are regularly referred to as “girls,” even commonly in workplace settings.

Madsen counters the question of this possibly being a big deal and the point that some women also call each other girls with the following line of thought: “But could this impact the way people think about women? Could this influence how women think about themselves? Can the use of gendered language ultimately impact women’s careers? To each of these questions, my response is yes. It is a bigger deal than you may think. The words we say and hear influence the way that we think about ourselves and others” (Madsen, 2021). [Bold added for emphasis] As I and other women have argued numerous times, calling a woman a girl is infantilizing. It takes away our power, our authority, and the literal fact hood of us being grown-up adults who have endured the rites of passage in this society of finding jobs, homes, often families, and overall, responsibilities and accountability.

Madsen also refers to a research study that was conducted to show the impact of women being called “girls” rather than women. This study by Heather J. MacArthur, “When Women Are Called ‘Girls’: The Effects of Infantilizing Labels on Women’s Self-Perceptions, relied on a sample of 256 “female undergraduate students” (phrasing by MacArthur; discussion of this language explored later in this article). As Madsen wrote, “The results indicated that those who were referred to as girls felt less confident, perceived they had fewer leadership qualities and believed that others would view them as less prepared for leadership roles as well.” Calling women “girls” is a micro-aggression not to be taken lightly; it pervasively serves to disempower and infantilize women.

Remember, “girl” is not the female equivalent of “guy.” “Girl” is the female equivalent of “boy.” Notice the difference. Girls and boys are children; women are grown-ups and should be addressed accordingly. Madsen provides research-based recommendations in her article for those who may want to work on their bias and recalibrate how they think about using gendered language, including conducting self-assessments and attending appropriate professional development sessions. If you still are in denial that “girls” is a problematic label for women, consider the evidence that gendered and infantilizing language toward women tends to disadvantage women in the workplace.

A quick internet search will also tell you that many women have come to the same conclusion: that being called a “girl” is patronizing, condescending, and dehumanizing. Again, if you don’t think much of it, or don’t find phrases like “girl boss” or “girls’ night out” to be problematic, consider the definition of a micro-aggression from the Oxford Languages Dictionary:

“1. a statement, action, or incident regarded as an instance of indirect, subtle, or unintentional discrimination against members of a marginalized group such as a racial or ethnic minority.

“Students posed with dry-erase boards documenting their experiences with micro-aggressions on campus.”

2. indirect, subtle, or unintentional discrimination against members of a marginalized group.

“They are not subject to daily acts of micro-aggression.”

Another strong definition of micro-aggressions is the following:

“Micro-aggressions are the everyday slights, insults, putdowns, invalidations, and offensive behaviors that people experience in daily interactions with generally well-intentioned individuals who may be unaware that they have engaged in demeaning ways (adapted from Sue et al., 2007).”

So, just because you may be using “girls” or “females” light-heartedly, does not mean that your language is not problematic. Or just because you are a woman who doesn’t mean being called a “girl” does not mean that it is not a micro-aggression, or that it might not have very real damaging psychological effects in terms of perceived gender competencies.

Does that mean I always call it out when someone refers to me or another woman as a “girl”? No. I choose my battles, but I do wish that it were not so ingrained in our society that we tend to think nothing of using language in everyday communication that systematically and pervasively reinforces gender inequalities and stereotypes when it comes to infantilizing and inferiorizing women.

This brings me to the topic of why the term “female” is also problematic when referring to women. Before it might sound like I’m contracting myself, I will point out that it’s nuanced, and using “female” as an adjective is perfectly acceptable, as I used it when referring to and quoting outside research about “female students.” “Female” defines a woman’s sex, and it characterizes the sex of all animals (as well as many plants), not just humans. So saying “woman” is a more appropriate, respectful term than “female” when you are talking about a human woman.

As another Medium writer, Raven J. James, has discussed in her article, “Woman vs. Female,” quite simply, the term “woman” is a noun and “female” is an adjective.

There is a trend particularly in the manosphere to say “females” (or even “feminoids” rather than “women,” as it is more dehumanizing. And if you are not using the term “female” to intentionally be dehumanizing or degrading, please consider not only that “female” is an adjective and not a noun, but also that “female” describes the feminine sex of any species; it is not specific to humans.

While the terms women and females may be used interchangeably (if grammatically incorrect), the differing connotations between the two words are notable. Referring to women as females also highlight the sexual and biological aspect of our identity. As Mary Norris discussed in The New Yorker in her piece, “Female Trouble: The Debate Over ‘Woman’ As An Adjective,” the discussion of terminology has always been both grammatical and political.

Though Norris here attempted to explain why “woman” might be appropriate as an adjective and “female” appropriate as a noun, her reasoning for using “woman” as an adjective seems to hold more weight than her reasoning for re-aligning with the term “female.” Her attempt to do so seems conciliatory, tongue-in-cheek, and disingenuously blasé: in short, a “let’s embrace our differences” explanation. Yet Norris acknowledged that the term “female” long made her uncomfortable and struck her as vulgar and that this language is similarly unfavored by many women because of how it categorizes women as bodies.

In fact, Jay Newton-Small, in her essay, “Why We Need to Reclaim the Word ‘Female,’” discussed that, according to the Oxford English Dictionary (OED), the word “female” has been used since at least 1400 as a derogatory word for women. The author notably first used “female” as an adjective and then came under flack for using the word, without first knowing the context of the word’s history as a derogatory and demeaning term.

As Newton-Small wrote, her book, Broad Influence: How Women Are Changing The Way America Works, came under flack from feminists because of her use of the “female” word. She wrote of her surprise at feminists “taking exception” to her word: “Turns out, particularly in African-American circles, the word female has become a pejorative: links to a female dog, and thus shorthand for bitch.” While Newton-Small brushed off her privilege in not having realized what she described as “the innate misogyny of slang, where thousands of disparaging terms for women have proliferated over the years, with scant male equivalents,” she also circles back to her book’s title, which uses the word “broad.” She defends her use of the double-entendre of “broad” as a way to reclaim the term, which has also historically been used to demean women by describing a woman of a certain body type.

While Norris and Newton-Small made the arguments that “women” should also be used as an adjective and that the term “female” should be re-claimed or at least stripped of its negative bias by women, the fact remains that “female” as a term is an adjective and that it has historically been used in a pejorative and dehumanizing manner. While women may continue to reclaim, or make attempts to reclaim, words like “female,” “broad,” “bitch,” and “cunt,” the onus on men is to use language mindfully and remember that intention does not equal impact. Further, it is always important to remember the power differential in a person using and reclaiming a historically degrading word who is *from* the marginalized group vs. a person who is outside of the marginalized group using that same terminology, regardless of intention.

So, while movements remain to reclaim derogatory language, if you are not part of the marginalized group, please work on actively being an ally and using less politically-loaded language when speaking to or of members of marginalized groups.

References:

James, Raven J. (December 31, 2020). “Women vs. Female.” Medium. Retrieved from https://readmedium.com/woman-vs-female-67fd4c36fe59

MacArthur, Heather J. (2015.) “When women Are Called ‘Girls’: The Infantilizing Labels on Women’s Self-Perceptions.” Master’s Thesis, The Pennsylvania State University. Retrieved from https://etda.libraries.psu.edu/files/final_submissions/10967

Madsen, Susan. (August 9, 2021). “Why Calling Women ‘Girls’ Is a Bigger Deal Than You May Think.” Forbes Magazine. Retrieved from https://www.forbes.com/sites/forbescoachescouncil/2021/08/09/why-calling-women-girls-is-a-bigger-deal-than-you-may-think/?sh=7f19e1372fda

Mavisakalyan, Astghik (2015). Gender in Language and Gender in Employment, Oxford Development Studies, 43:4, 403–424. Retrieved from https://doi.org/10.1080/13600818.2015.1045857

“Micro-aggression.” (n.d.). Oxford Languages Dictionary. Retrieved from https://languages.oup.com/google-dictionary-en/

Newton-Small, Jay. (April 20, 2016). “Why We Need to Reclaim the Word ‘Female.’” Time Magazine. Retrieved from https://time.com/4300170/female-word/

Norris, Mary. (May 30, 2019). “Female Trouble: The Debate Over ‘Woman’ as An Adjective.” The New Yorker. Retrieved from https://www.newyorker.com/culture/comma-queen/female-trouble-the-debate-over-woman-as-an-adjective

Sue et al. (2007). “Racial aggressions in everyday life.” Teachers College: Columbia University. Retrieved from https://www.cpedv.org/sites/main/files/file-attachments/how_to_be_an_effective_ally-lessons_learned_microaggressions.pdf

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