Men: How to fight a woman
Clickbait title! But really, this article is more about how men should handle arguments or, rather, disagreements with the women they date or are in relationships with and how to do so in a way that they don’t tolerate disrespect, yet aren’t being unnecessarily disrespectful themselves. Now, before I get into this, I want to let everybody know that respect should go both ways! Yes, it’s true that you shouldn’t tolerate disrespect or mistreatment, but at the same time, you shouldn’t do anything disrespectful or to mistreat other people either. Some people are swift to be disrespectful other people, yet feel some type of way and get an attitude if someone were to give them that same kind of disrespect in return. Go figure.
All that being said, I think that there are three things that men should keep in mind when having a disagreement or an argument with a woman.
One: Try to stick with the FACTS without getting into too much other things. And when you get into those facts, if they have to deal with emotions, try to stick with “I” statements, such as “I feel like” instead of saying “you are making me feel” or “you are doing this to me” so that you are simply speaking facts about how you feel without sounding like you are pointing the finger too much, even if, for the sake of the argument, they did do something wrong or disrespectful.
Two: Try not to get personal. Even though some women can be very disrespectful themselves when they are angry and get personal with low blows and hitting below the belt (hopefully not literally..), try not to stoop down to that level. So don’t attack their appearance, try not to call them out of their name, etc. Hold yourself to a higher standard.
Three: Closely related to number two, don’t use their vulnerabilities against them, such as the things that they have told you about themselves and their lives in vulnerable moments with you. That’s pretty low, so try to never hit below the belt in that way, regardless of how angry you are. They trusted you and felt safe telling you about it, apparently, so try to honor that. As an example, I recall hearing about a woman doing that to a man who told her that he was adopted. Apparently he felt some type of way about that, yet in the heat of an argument, she said something along the lines of, “That’s why nobody wants you!” Yeah… try not to do things like that. Walk away before you do that. And if she won’t let you, snatch yourself away and run.
Four: This probably shouldn’t need to be said, but try not to ever hit a woman. Yes, I know that there are rare occasions where one might say a person has the right to do so in self-defense, but even with that, a lot of times, a man probably doesn’t have to hit a woman. Generally, if you have a huge size advantage, such as you being 6'2, 280 pounds, and she’s like 5'4, 140 pounds or so, you really don’t have to punch her in the face. You more than likely can restrain her or even shake her if it’s that serious. Either way, you should really try not to put your hands on a woman. I’m aware that some relationships are like that and can be rather toxic, but if a woman makes you angry enough to hit her, you should probably walk away. And if she does it often, well… perhaps you two shouldn’t be together to begin with.
I am sure that there is more that could be said and maybe I’ll edit this in the future, but since I have talked a lot about what NOT to do, let’s focus on some better alternatives.
One: When having a disagreement with a woman, a lot of times you might do well to say that you understand where they are coming from, even if you don’t agree with it or certain things about it. A lot of times, if people know that they are understood and and are being heard, at least to a degree, they may be less defensive and even more open to what you are saying. A lot of times people simply aren’t open to hearing what someone is saying if they are only feeling attacked. Go figure.
Two: Next, take some responsibility for yourself if there is anything to take responsibility for. Even if you are right, if there is something you can take responsibility for (for example, saying that “Yeah, I probably shouldn’t have yelled and I could have came at you about the situation better, but I still feel like what you did was disrespectful and that you should have known better,” etc.) This also helps because it shows maturity and I think that even when some women are STILL being difficult after such de-escalation methods, in time, they probably think about those things and remember it and if they are worth their salt, will probably appreciate it.
Three: Finally, after taking any responsibility (such as saying that though you understand that you should or shouldn’t have done whatever), simply speak your grievance (such as saying that you still don’t think it’s right for them to do or not do, say or not say, whatever it is that they did or didn’t do or say). And again, stick with the facts. You can even appeal to their sense of reason.
One suggestion that I recommend is to turn it around and ask them how they would feel if the situation were reversed. After that, ask them plainly that if they wouldn’t like it, why would they feel that you should like it? You might even go on to say that what such actions convey to you is that they don’t respect you enough to hold you to the standard that they hold themselves think that you should tolerate what they themselves wouldn’t tolerate. Let them know that that’s not going to cut it.
Sometimes, interestingly enough, people don’t seem to put themselves in other people’s shoes or ask themselves those type of questions (how they would feel) until it’s actually brought to their attention. Again, if they are worth their salt, perhaps a lightbulb moment may happen and they’ll understand where you are coming from.
Anyway, IF a woman has actually done something wrong to you or disrespected you in some way, you can let them know (non-violently, of course) as respectfully as possible, but firmly, that it’s not going to tolerated by you. In addition to that, you have to stick to your guns, because if you say that you aren’t going to tolerate something, yet continue to do so, they might not take you seriously and may still not respect you. As mentioned in another article, having respect from women is very important, perhaps even the most important thing (when it comes to receiving their attraction and continued attraction).
Now, if you feel disrespected or wronged to an extremely high degree, even to a point that you either want to hit her and feel that if it was a man that did it, it would have probably escalated to a physical fight (or worse), at that point, you have a serious decision to make. As angry as you might be, still don’t get physical with her (but if you’re extremely angry or have been extremely disrespected, maybe you can hit something. Just not her, but I digress).
What I’m trying to say is, if she is that disrespectful to you or whatever, then you need to seriously consider if you even want to continue to be in a relationship with her and if it’s even worth it. If you do want to stay, you should let her know very firmly, and in no uncertain terms, that you’re not going to tolerate the disrespect and that if she does it again, that’s a wrap. If she acts like she doesn’t care, well, there you go. That lets you know that you need to walk away.
Which leads to an important point on HOW to stick to your boundaries and not tolerate disrespect, etc. in a relationship (or “situationship” as the case may be). It’s surprisingly simple, if not easy. And that’s… wait for it… walk away. Always be willing to walk away from the relationship and to break it off, no matter how lonely you might feel or how bad you want her. It may be easier said than done, but necessary. Not only is it better for you, but again, it garners respect and it can be very attractive to a woman to know that you have enough dignity and self respect to walk away if she isn’t doing you right or if the relationship isn’t working for you. But even if she doesn’t fight to keep you and couldn’t care less if you left, don’t worry about it. It may be that even if she doesn’t show it or admit it, she still respects you on some level for not putting up with her garbage and not staying with her just because you are so desperate to be loved in spite of how mistreated you get.
In conclusion, always be professional and level-headed in disagreements with women, even if they aren’t. Try to understand where they are coming from (and say as much), take any responsibility in how you may have contributed to the problem, don’t get personal or violent, stick with the facts of the situation, and simply make it clear that you won’t tolerate being mistreated, but DON’T MISTREAT THEM EITHER. And no, don’t try to “force” respect like some so-called alpha gurus or whatever may try to get you to do (at least not in the sense they teach). The only thing you can do is be direct with what you want, how you feel, where you are coming from, and what you will and won’t tolerate. Either they play ball or you leave. Pure and simple.
Thanks for reading and for any claps, comments, and support. Good luck and bling bling!
