PROMPTED TO POST | THE NAME GAME | KNOW & TELL
Meet: Malky McEwan
Anatomy of His Acronym
WHAT does your name mean?
McEwan means — strong, ethical, driven, hard-working, honest, and upstanding.
Malky means — not very.
WHO does your acronym say you are?
M = Magic I am a member of the Magic Square and can amuse drunk people for hours. A = Alkafrolic I’m a very happy drunk. L = Lowquacious kinda the opposite of loquacious but in the right circumstances it’s my favourite thing. K = Keen as keen Ken McKeen from Keenston. Y = Youthful in my head I’m a naive sixteen-year-old laddie trying to earn enough pennies to buy sufficient quantities of beer to gain the Dutch courage to ask a girl out.
WHAT genre do you write about?
Are you out of your pretty little mind? Are you nuttier than that nutcase Nutty McNutt from Knuttsville? Why should I stick to one boring genre?
“In the name of the wee man. “
— Scottish saying.
My Uncle Jock used to make me laugh by saying “In the name of the wee man!” whenever something shocking (or in mock shock) would happen.
My interests are as many as they are varied.
I get that some writers like to niche down. They give their loyal followers what they want.
But, I’m a slow-motion multitasker. On average, the most enduringly creative scientists switched topics 43 times in their first 100 research papers. That’s me.
I’m a cross-pollination learner. I write about what interests me. Some posts might not be for you, but you won’t know what is coming next. It’s steered me to 12 top writer tags.
I like to add a little humour to my articles and I always add a little something odd for my own amusement. Very few people pick up my dylsexia, for example. I always follow the smart people who notice.
WHEN did you start writing?
At 7.30 am this morning — wait — you mean like for a living. Well, that’s an interesting tale.
One night the alarm went off at the local rugby club. Dan and I were quickly on the scene and found the side door forced open. We were certain the culprits were still inside.
Dan whispered in my ear, “Once I give you the signal, start barking like a dog.” Before I could ask ‘why?’ he strode up to the broken door and shouted.
“Right! It’s the Police. If you don’t come out now, I will send the dog in.”
And at that, he pointed at me in a clear sign I was to start barking. So I did. I made my bestest impression of an angry Alsatian.
“Woof, Grrr, woof woof, howl, grrr grrr!”
And that is how we caught our thieves.
The thieves had climbed onto the roof where they lay unobserved in complete darkness. We were oblivious to their presence or that they were watching our every move.
When I barked, the sight of a uniformed cop pretending to be a dog was too much for them, and they giggled, unable to contain their laughter.
We overheard them and persuaded them to come down before we called for a real dog and sent it up.
I made notes throughout my career and when I retired I put them together in a book. People liked it, so I wrote two more. By that time I got the writing bug.
WHERE are you located in the real world?
Oh, my goodness! How good is Scottish water straight from the tap?
Voted the most beautiful country in the world, Scotland topped the poll as the most stunning place on the planet.
Who am I to disagree?
We have mountains, lochs, and castles to admire. Our cities are full of majestic buildings and baronial art. We have a grandiose infrastructure designed by Thomas Telford and the powerful architecture of Charles Rennie Mackintosh.
We even have clean, pale-blue waters with white sandy beaches on which to sun ourselves — well, maybe not sun ourselves, but they are nice to peek at through the hood of an anorak.
Scotland has been around a long time — as you probably guessed by the state of the roads.
Amid all the beauty are the big-hearted and entertaining Scots. We have more than our fair share of talented people, inventors, comedians, poets, authors, sports stars, and actors.
Is there anywhere else on earth with such a rich source of fascinating history, sights, and people? Scotland is full of treasures, and it is worth coming just to taste the tap water.
HOW do you create?
I have a curious mind. I read. I learn. I write. I’m interested in everything.
Well, maybe not everything — I can’t be doing with shouty soap operas or a non-entity celebrity screwing up his face at the thought of eating a kangaroo testicle in the jungle. (Why do people watch that?)
I often write just for me and my family. When I want to clarify my understanding, I write about it. It’s a good way to retain information. When I think one of my kids could do with a bit of advice or would benefit from a particular piece of knowledge, I write for them.
When my mum’s dementia was getting unmanageable and we all struggled with her care, I wrote The Happier Way to Live with Dementia 3 rules to remember when they don’t.
Applying these three rules changed my mum and made her happier. It taught the family to realise it wasn’t about being right, it was about how mum felt.
We have so many happy memories — I miss her wonderful smile.
WHY did you choose to write on Medium.com?
After writing my funny police memoirs, I moved on to write my №1 Guide to Scotland — not your usual boring old stuff. I was halfway through writing my №2 Guide to Scotland when Covid hit.
Unable to travel, I looked for another outlet. I was already writing on Quora and built up a decent following, including three spaces with high engagement. Medium seemed like a natural progression.
I’ve been hooked ever since. I’m still only halfway through that №2 Guide to Scotland.