Maybe You Don’t Need To Work Harder, Maybe You Need To Rest
Sometimes, the best thing you can do is surrender.
When I first started diving into the self-improvement world, I felt very inspired and motivated. All of a sudden, I felt like I was in control of my life, and I saw infinite possibilities everywhere.
I developed many habits that have helped me immensely. I started reading more, doing yoga, working out, and saving money. My overall mood improved and my energy levels were higher than ever before.
This phase lasted for almost 2 years until some personal issues started coming up to the surface, a few months before lock-down kicked in.
At first, I blamed myself for not being able to keep the healthy habits I had developed. I felt guilty every time I skipped my yoga practice, and I judged myself for not having the energy to chase my goals. I felt lost, powerless, and burned out.
However, after months of self-criticism, I realized that maybe, just maybe, what I really needed was to give myself a break. Maybe my body was asking me to stop and just be for a while, with no goals or distractions.
This got me thinking: what’s the point of self-improvement if we can’t be kind to ourselves and take care of our mental health?
There’s No Self-Improvement Without Self-Compassion
The past 3 years have been nuts. First, we had a pandemic, then we had a war, and now it looks like a recession is coming.
More and more, it seems like we’re surrounded by so many external circumstances we can’t control, that we can’t help but feel powerless and paralyzed, with no real sense of direction.
A few weeks ago, a thought crossed my mind: maybe we shouldn’t try to get out of the rut, but instead manage being in a rut.
Because sometimes, trying to fix the situation we’re in will only reinforce our feelings of impotence and powerlessness — which, in turn, drains all our energy and makes us feel like a failure.
When our mental health is struggling, we should focus on allowing ourselves to release what needs to be released and recharge our batteries for as long as we need to.
Depending on what exactly you’re experiencing, it can take weeks, or it can take months. But don’t judge yourself for needing to rest — it’s a sign you’ve been neglecting your emotional and physical needs for a long time.
This is not to say you should give up your pursuit of growth and happiness. Quite the opposite: giving yourself the space and the time you need to recharge, and allowing yourself to feel all the emotions you’ve been suppressing, will make you grow like never before.
Because we can’t evolve when we’re feeling heavy. We can’t dedicate our time and energy into expanding our growth if we haven’t yet allowed ourselves to feel what needs to be felt and process everything we’re releasing.
That’s self-love: the ability to treat ourselves with genuine love and compassion, instead of condemnation and criticism. The ability to be so connected to our inner world that we’re aware of our needs and desires — and we respect them.
And that’s the difference between lasting self-improvement from sudden, brief inspiration. Psychologist Nick Wignall says,
“Spend too much time focused on improvement and you lose the self. And without a solid sense of self, all steps toward improvement are bound to collapse eventually.
Because no matter how brilliant or talented you are, you will stumble, screw up, and fail at some point. And your capacity to bounce back and persevere has little to do with your technical skills and intellectual powers, and everything to do with your sense of self-worth.”
You’re Much More Than Your Achievements
Self-improvement isn’t everything. What about inner peace? What about healing? What about letting go of your conditioning and reconnecting with your true self?
We tend to think our worth is based on our achievements, but it isn’t. We’re worthy just as we are, just because we’re here.
Our need to always be in accomplish mode and improve ourselves often stems from a wounded inner child that would only feel loved when meeting the expectations of others. For instance, if our parents got distant or angry every time we failed, the message we absorbed is that we need to over-perform and be perfect in order to be worthy of love and attention.
Then, as adults,we carry a harsh, judgemental inner voice that is constantly telling us we’re not good enough.
I’m here to tell you that you are good enough, and that the first step for you to truly grow, is to treat yourself with kindness and respect regardless of your achievements.
Your happiness doesn’t come from getting that job, moving to that place , or finding that relationship— even though all those milestones are great. It comes from deep within you, when your self-love is so deep and your inner peace is so strong that nothing can ever shake you.
There will always be times when you can’t fully control your life no matter how hard you try, and that’s okay. There will be times when the only thing you can do is surrender and accept the present moment.
But cultivating inner peace and living in a state of acceptance doesn’t happen overnight, so be gentle with yourself.
Allowing ourselves to rest and recharge instead of fighting the circumstances around us is one of the most difficult lessons to learn.
I can’t tell you when it’s time for you to rest and when it’s time to push your limits, but I do know that you have the answers within you.
I hope you listen to them.
