Married Men — Stop Telling Women You Are Single on Dating Apps
Just get on Ashley Madison already!
Jesus Christ!
I had no idea when I got divorced ten years ago that the online dating world was the unholy mess that it is.
In the ten years since my marriage ended, I’ve been on and off nearly every dating app there is. I’ve chatted to scores of men.
I met my first post-divorce partner on Tinder. My second partner I met on Bumble.
Both of them were liars. Both lied to me about the status of their marriages. They told me they were separated. They weren’t.
I know that looking back, I was in denial myself. I was pretending not to notice the red flags because I was in a world of hurt and desperate for someone to take that pain away.
It’s been four years since my abusive relationship with partner number two ended.
Since then, I’ve been on and off the apps every few months.
No luck whatsoever.
There are so many men who say they are single in their profiles, and then once you get chatting you find out they are not.
Two recent examples.
(I can’t give you all of them as you wouldn’t have enough time in your busy day. If you’ve made it this far I presume that you are also on these apps and are morbidly fascinated to hear my story).
The first example was slightly better than the second, he had a shred of decency. Just a shred, mind you.
We got chatting on the app and shared a little about ourselves over the course of a day. Then, he asked me if I could ‘host’.
Alarm bells rang so I asked the question.
‘Are you single?’.
His reply?
‘I’m married, but I travel a lot for work’.
Oooohhhh right. So you travel for work, so that means you can fuck other women outside your marriage. Got ya!
I thanked him for being honest and said I wasn’t interested in engaging with anyone who wasn’t single.
That poor woman!
The reason I thanked him for being honest was that he could’ve lied and wasted way more of my time and energy. Hence, he gets a slightly better rating than some of the others.
Yes, he’s a lying, cheating prick, but at least he came clean when asked. Many of them won’t.
Case in point — Example Two.
We chat for a few days on the app. I ask him if he’s single. He says yes, he’s been single for three years.
We exchange numbers and he starts messaging.
After two days of text messages I go to sleep last night with his last text on my phone.
‘You must already be in bed. Goodnight. x’.
I wake up this morning with a text that came through at 3.30am.
‘FYI he has a wife and children. You should block this number’.
Sigh.
Obviously his wife went through his phone and found our messages.
God only knows what went down in their house last night.
What I truly don’t understand is how these guys just have their faces all over their profiles. Aren’t they worried someone they know is going to see them on there and blow their cover?
Which brings me to affair websites like Ashley Madison.
Why don’t they just get on a site like Ashley Madison and leave the dating apps alone?
What the fuck do they hope to achieve by lying to women and telling them they are single when they have a wife and kids at home?
Are there loads of women on the dating apps who are wanting to have affairs with married men?
I’m not ready for a serious relationship right now, but there is no way I’d have an affair with a married man.
Been there, done that!
It is no picnic and a train wreck just waiting to happen.
It pisses me off that these people (because I’m sure it can’t just be men doing it) are on bona fide dating apps presenting as single when there are many sites and apps set up for people who want extramarital sex.
Just be upfront on your goddamn profile.
‘Looking for hookups because I want discreet sex outside of my marriage’.
Ok, you will eliminate anyone who is not interested in that so your options are fewer, but so what?
You’re not going to get anywhere with the ones that aren’t interested anyway, so save yourself the time and embarrassment.
I don’t know.
Honestly, I’m sitting here now just thinking… what is the point?
Seriously, what is the point?
It makes you shudder to think of all the people out there in relationships who are unhappy and looking for some distraction from the mundane reality of being with the same partner day in and day out.
And then on the other side, you have the people who are single, lonely and just want someone to share a bit of their life with.
It all leaves me feeling really cold and resigned. Like, there is no winning either way.
What does that mean?
Will I be single forever now?
Or in some half-assed relationship with a person who could easily have a dating profile on his phone and I won’t know about it unless I go snooping?
It certainly seems bleak and desolate, and makes me want to just join a convent and be done with it all.
Damn this red blood for coursing through my veins!
Albert Einstein’s famous quote is reverberating through my head at the moment;
Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.
It’s New Year’s Eve as I go into my fourth year of being single.
With the rate that I’m coming across married men on these dating apps I have no doubt it will be another four.
Happy 2024 everyone!
If you find my tragic life mildly entertaining, you might like some of my other posts….