Turnabout Turncoat
Marjorie Taylor Greene (MTG) Indicts Ivanka
When the horse shoe is on the other hoof
Following in Mitch McConnel’s footsteps, Georgia Representative Marjorie Taylor-Greene took a fall at a DC hotel fundraiser. Dazed, she remembered the words of her hero Donald Trump and House Speaker Kevin McCarthy — “If they hadn’t impeached me, maybe Biden wouldn’t be getting impeached,” and “What’s good for the Goose… is good enough for us.”
“Impeach, indict, accuse — to Hell with the facts, reality is perception,” she said as her thoughts swam. “Baby I was born this way,” she sang, then loudly belted out an angry ballad mixing lyrics from “The Bitch is Back”, “Star Spangled Banner”, and “This is My Fight Song”.
She abruptly changed her allegiance to support stunned Democrats. Claiming to have “shaken something loose in my heady space”, she swore to fight the MAGA movement “ten thousand and two percent”.
Congressional Minority Democrat Speaker Hakeem Jeffries called chiropractor WellIAm UrOkay following the Congresswoman’s suspected blow to the head.
Ms. Greene serenaded Jeffries “You are so beautiful to me, can’t you see? You’re everything I hoped for,” blending Marvin Gaye’s “Let’s Get It On.”
“I’ve never afore felt so smarty!” Ms. Greene shouted while trying to spin Mr. Jeffries over her head.
A quick-thinking aide pulled old news articles from a folder labeled “President’s Stupid Children/White House Aid Tricks” and began to read aloud to the representative.
Ivanka Trump, Shifting Plans, Will Become a Federal Employee
By Maggie Haberman and Rachel Abrams, March 29, 2017
Ivanka Trump, the elder daughter of President Trump, is becoming an official government employee, joining her husband, Jared Kushner, in serving as an unpaid adviser to her father in the White House.
“This arrangement appears designed to allow Ms. Trump to avoid the ethics, conflict-of-interest and other rules that apply to White House employees,” Norman L. Eisen and Richard W. Painter, White House ethics lawyers for Presidents Barack Obama and George W. Bush, respectively, wrote in a letter to Donald F. McGahn II, the White House counsel.
“That’s nice of her to work for free,” the Georgia representative purred as she gazed lovingly at Speaker Jeffries.
Seeing Ms. Greene’s wandering attention, Jeffries began singing an old David Bowie classic,
“Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes/Turn and face the strange/Ch-ch-changes/Don’t want to be a richer man/Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes/Turn and face the strange/Ch-ch-changes/There’s gonna have to be a different man…“
The aide quickly read from another memo, citing Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner’s reported earnings while serving as aids to her father —
Citizens for Responsibility & Ethics in Washington. February 2021
Both Kushner and Trump announced they would not take a salary while working for the government in an attempt to shut down nepotism concerns. While their supporters marked this as a public sacrifice, the massive amount of money they made on the side undercuts that argument, as government salaries would have been less than 1% of their income.
One major factor in their outside profits came from Ivanka Trump’s ownership stake in the Trump Hotel in DC, just blocks from the White House and the locus of influence peddling in the Trump administration.
“Money Money Money MONEY!!!” the representative sang, then thought.
“Huh. That’s weird. But I’m sure Donnie and his family didn’t do anything wrong. I remember seeing those huge stacks of paper the lawyers put out on the lawn for President Trump to sign. M&M-oily-mints on Easter, right? They were lucky to have the hotel. I heard all the Secret Service agents and anyone with a White House appointment stayed there,” said MTG as she started to appear cross-eyed.
The aide broke into a rendition of Dire Straits singing “Get your money for nothing and your chicks for free,” then read from a New York Times May 28, 2018 article —
Ivanka Trump Wins China Trademarks, Then Her Father Vows to Save ZTE
BEIJING — China this month awarded Ivanka Trump seven new trademarks across a broad collection of businesses, including books, housewares and cushions.
At around the same time, President Trump vowed to find a way to prevent a major Chinese telecommunications company from going bust, even though the company has a history of violating American limits on doing business with countries like Iran and North Korea.
Coincidence? Well, probably.
“Isn’t the New York Times fake news though? I remember Biden banned ZTE and Huawei over national security risks, right? Is there anything official about Ivanka?” MTG asked.
Seeing the representative’s mind wander, Jeffries sang from Gold Digger by Kanye West ”I love gold diggers, ’cause I’m a gold digger”, then added Madonna’s Material Girl “Cause we are living in a material world, and I am a material girl.”
“You can follow in the steps of all the greatest celebrities, songwriters, and deepest thinkers by showing you’re not afraid to embrace change, that you’ve seen the light!” Jeffries exclaimed, invoking Martin Luther King, and breaking into a gospel song “I saw the light, Lord I saw the light,” appealing to the popular theme of redemption.
Rifling through the heavy folder, the aide produced a document from the Foreign Relations Committee —
Cardin raises questions about Ivanka Trump WeFi role with Mnuchin
WASHINGTON — U.S. Senator Ben Cardin (D-Md.) wrote to Treasury Secretary Steve Mnuchin Monday, raising a series of questions about Ivanka Trump’s potential role in and advocacy for the Women Finance Entrepreneurship Financing Initiative (WeFi). Ms. Trump helped conceive of WeFi, a fund administered by the World Bank with decision-making guided by 14 donor countries, including the United States, which has committed $50 million via the State Department.
Last week, Ms. Trump joined Secretary Mnuchin and World Bank president Jim Kim for WeFi’s launch.
Cardin, the Senate Foreign Relations Committee’s ranking member, believes “any possible involvement by Ivanka Trump, Special Assistant to the President, would pose unique and potentially problematic conflicts for the fund.”
That is because “Ms. Trump has not fully divested from her wide-ranging financial interests, which include a globally-recognized women’s apparel and accessories brand — one that stands to benefit from Ms. Trump’s association with a prominent international women’s issue,” Cardin continued.
Congressional representative Marjorie Taylor Greene turned to Speaker Jeffries, looking confused.
“Was this before we started copying all the complaints ever filed, deleting details and pasting in the names of gotcha relatives?” she asked.
Jeffries nodded.
“Do you guys still have Trump Water, Trump Wine, and Trump Steaks here? I’m not feeling so good.”
Minority Speaker Jeffries assured her everything would be fine, singing “We are the world,” and Dean Martin’s “I did it my way.”
The aide pounced on another folder.
“There’s more?” MTG groaned.
The aide nodded gleefully and called another assistant. “Bring in the boxes marked ‘Ivanka Conflicts in Office’. Not Jared’s, this is enough for one day.”
Marjorie looked bummed.
“What about the boys? They didn’t do anything, did they?”
Jeffries grinned. “Billions of things.”
“Shitskees.” Marjorie grimaced as a memory flooded over her. “You know, one of the Tweeters wrote they’re not going to pay taxes anymore to fund inquiries that don’t make sense. I told him that’s fine, we don’t need his money. We’re going to be closed soon anyway. There’s not much else to do if we’re not taking aim at the President’s kids, right?”
All present harmonized Billy Joel’s “My Life” —
“I don’t need you to worry for me ’cause I’m alright I don’t want you to tell me it’s time to come home I don’t care what you say anymore this is my life Go ahead with your own life leave me alone.”
Jeffries chuckled, invoking Queen as he sang out “We are the Champions, my friend,” and “We will, we will Rock You!”, finishing with excerpts from Martin Luther King’s address “I Have a Dream.”
Thanks for reading. Additional satire is less political.
