Making Ten Years Count

Ten years after a cancer diagnosis and surgical intervention, my mantra is “why not?”

To reach a 10 year anniversary of something feels quite momentous. Studies show you need to repeat, or familiarise yourself, with something 66 times to form a habit.

I originally wrote this piece to congratulate my friend Marie A. Rebelle for hosting a blogging meme for 10 years. It was a very successful venture. I greatly benefited from the routine of this meme, it kept me writing posts and sharing in my early days of blogging. [My 1st link-up to the meme was in January 2018]

It also seems a good story for commemorating 200 posts on Medium

Ten years ago was a peculiar time for me. I had an exercise routine of walking the family dog most days and going to the gym once a week, yet my fitness started to falter. I was feeling really tired, but made excuses each time something odd happened.

I won’t bore on about what followed, but I’m forever grateful for excellent healthcare. I was seen quickly and treated by expert surgeons, who cut out a slow growing cancer. By Christmas 2012 I was back home with my family. I felt fragile, but I’d come through.

I was given a second chance at life.

After my initial diagnosis, when they said the ‘C’ word, I berated myself for how little I’d done or achieved in my forty-seven years. I’d always award myself a diploma for my two fantastic children, but it broke my heart to think I wouldn’t see what came next in their lives: what they’d study, who they would fall in love with, and the people they would become.

Now I treasure every moment, praise them for each step forward they take. I like to think I’ve helped them grow strong wings to fly high and far, and a decent toolkit with which to navigate the world.

I tied myself down with a mortgage at the tender age of 19, this meant I didn’t have a wild early adulthood, definitely no spare cash to travel the world. I’ve always chosen safe jobs and didn’t fulfil my career aspirations. So, on receiving the wonderful news that the cancer had not spread, I was determined to make more memories, particularly with my husband who was then, and is always, my rock, the love of my life.

I fully intended to grab life with both hands and go forward.

It’s honestly a bit exhausting “Living every day to the max,” especially for a naturally timid couch potato! I give myself permission to sit down to read, listen to music, and watch great films/shows — be a bit selfish. Mindful that I promised myself I’d do more / see more, I have travelled, exploring the UK as well as some exotic locations.

I’ve learned new skills and embraced experiences from which I might previously have shied away:

Laserquest (pointless but fun!) Herding geese (I was useless) Learning Reiki Helping with dog rescue Driving blindfolded (this was hilarious — I had a seeing co-pilot but she could only guide me using code words) Interviewed on podcast (really enjoyed the two occasions with Isoellen Writes)

My new mantra is “Why not?”

Now at the suggestion of something which I’d previously have considered too: bold, extravagant, far away, late, scary, I respond: why not do it?

While recuperated I read a lot, and once down the road of recovery I began to notice the boost which erotic content gave me. Perusing e-books and online sites prompted me to consider writing my own erotica . I hadn’t written creatively since my early teens, so my internal voice warned: “It’s a daft idea and your kids will be embarrassed,” Second Chance voice said, “Why not give it a go?”

I set up a blog : Pillow Talk, as a shop window for the adult fiction I was writing because, once I’d started, I couldn’t stop.

I attended a conference for people who host adult sites, wanting to learn what to guard against and how to monetize my blog. Was I trying to run before I could walk? “Wait til next year,” my internal voice said. “Why not do it?” My partner encouraged me.

It was liberating to be my alter ego “Posy’’ for a whole weekend. It was also knee tremblingly exciting to meet people like Eve Taylor whose writing I read and admired. I gave myself snaps for travelling to London on my own, meeting total strangers with no side-kick (when you’re a wife and a mother, you barely go anywhere on your own!) The talks and workshops, taught me new things, I forged connections and made friends — like May More and Cousin Pons. Once home, I took my blog in some different directions, but they weren’t my style so I pared my posts back to predominantly fiction.

Friends in a virtual community come and go, just like real life; some have masses of talent, but it takes dedication and tenacity to keep creating content, you have to build the habit. When the pandemic hit, I didn’t stop writing, but my blogging habit faltered. Instead I found new ways to write (collaboration) and different places to post my work (My 1st piece on Medium — January 2020).

These precious ten extra years have allowed me to make and attain some new goals.

I’m proud to call myself a writer, and have received nominations for creating sex positive fiction. I attained my aspiration to see my fiction in print in 2019 : Breaking Limits, an e-book anthology. In 2020 I wrote a story about a newbie who discovers BDSM and attends a kinky conference, which was published in Best Bondage Erotica Vol 2 — an anthology that is sold in mainstream shops — so with that I ticked off my third dream.

During this ten year period, 50 Shades of Grey widened the mainstream acceptance of sexuality in literature, although it had other repercussions for erotic publications. My side hustle as Posy is still not something about which I’m ‘loud and proud’. It would censure how I wrote, my ability to be open about past experiences, if I knew colleagues or neighbours could identify me by my words.

However, those who love me know better than to suggest I stop doing what makes me happy.

Here are links to 3 of my Erotic stories on Medium:

I’m His Slutty Window Display — a married couple drop all inhibitions when they play in a hotel room

Sometimes She Spanks me and I love It — a bratty sub tells how she feels about her partner warming her backside

Mind the Gap (3) — Romance is blooming between an older woman and younger man, and here’s where they take it to the bedroom

Here are 2 Medium pieces where I look back at my life:

Learning to Drive: Dark Days — Before the #me too movement I had to laugh off inappropriate touches / remarks

Say Goodbye Like you Mean It — How emotional infidelity nearly ran my marriage off the tracks

Finally 2 fictional stories hosted by Medium:

Sisters — Be warned, drunken flirtation and fumblings can take a very dark turn

Henry Potstam’s Coat — This pampered dog tale really happened!

Ten years on from my cancer diagnosis and life-saving surgical intervention, I still want to say, “why not,” and “go for it.” I continue to push myself to try new things, and Iguard against coasting or shying from grasping opportunities.

Some of my most recent leaps of faith:

• Chaired a book group within the kink community — loved doing it!
• Joined May More and started a magazine on Medium — why not?
• Offered the opportunity to share content on Tickle.Life — I’m going for it
• Invited by Marie Rebelle to judge the Fiction Marathon — I’m tackling it
• Asked to offer edits on other people’s writing projects — Let me take a look

Two new goals:

• Self publish my own collection of short stories — Watch this space
• Write a full length novel — If I get a big enough idea - I want to.

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