KNOW THYSELF WEEKLY PROMPT
Making Friends with Death? Or at Least Room for Him in the Conversation
When I ignore him, he finds interesting ways to get my attention
I admit I’m superstitious.
Not flattering but there it is.
I haven’t written my will or filled out my Advanced Directive paperwork.
Out of fear that reflecting on what I want to have happen when the time comes will cause the unthinkable to happen sooner. Or bring it on.
When in fact, the last thing I want is to leave a big mess for loved ones to clean up after I’m gone.
There! I said it, and lightning didn’t strike me.
As the years pass, I think about this topic more often. Not intentionally. But more people I know and love have close encounters of the fatal or near-fatal kind. Or memories bubble up unbidden.
Which happened a few days ago.
My husband’s younger sister died of cancer when she was eight and he was twelve. This would hardly be a blip on my radar except that someone took a picture of her lying on her hospital bed, wearing a party dress for her last rights.
And that brownie camera-style photo with its scalloped edges lived on a corkboard in our kitchen the whole time we were married. I saw it every day. A little girl staring at me — well the camera — and not smiling. So not smiling.
I asked my husband how they helped her prepare for the inevitable. He shrugged and said, they gave her a picture of Jesus to color. A picture of Jesus to color? That’s it?!!!
Not that this would be an easy conversation to have with your child.
Or that he would have been there for those scary, hopefully, tender, and comforting conversations But either that’s all he knew, or, out of his own issues with Mom, Dad, Death, or God — or E. all of the above — that’s how he described it.
After writing about this a few times, and relaying the story to friends, it hit me. I want someone to explain Death to me in such a way I can accept it personally, and be okay with it for myself and my closest, dearest loved ones.
Of course, it’s all relative. Some folks, like my mom, have lived a long and happy life. The bigger concern is that they not suffer. But the older I get, the higher that bar raises, and I have to stay on the younger side of it.
Despite real issues like my leaky, regurgitating heart.
Yesterday my dear friend and roommate woke up with tachycardia–a rapid heartbeat. I was on alert to take her to the Emergency Room. She did not want to go, given it was likely to be crowded after the holiday weekend. The advise nurse never called her back.
Gradually her heart slowed and she felt a bit better. Today, much better. Thank God!
But in the meantime, the issue’s not just whispering, but shouting. She’s giving me medical power of attorney since her MD’s pestering her for the paperwork. Another reminder I haven’t done mine yet.
On top of that, at least four friends have had or are still having close calls.
More reminders to get better prepared.
How?
Besides filling out my paperwork.
The image of Cherry coloring pictures of Jesus at least told me what won’t work in my case. I mean, he’s a stellar divine human being and all. But we don’t have a warm fuzzy relationship.
I know a lot of people do. And that’s so important and healing. For them.
What about me?
I imagine when my time comes I’m going to want my Mommy. Not just my biological mom, if she’s still around. But, you know. The Most Holy Divine Mother with arms to hold and comfort me.
The Goddess takes many forms. She’s a shape-shifter par extraordinaire.
She’s Kali, Quan Yin, Juno, and Hella (Nordic Goddess over the realm of the dead). To name a few.
She’s also Mother Mary.
And in my hour of darkness, I imagine her standing right in front of me, whispering words of comfort, let it go, let it go.
Not that that’s now all sorted out.
This is just the beginning. Of a bigger exploration. Time to dive deeper into what it means that we are spiritualized beings. Where we’ve come from and where we return to when we discard the vehicles we drive around in this plane.
I’m curious about people who’ve died and come back because it was not their time. Many of them say seeing the brilliant light and feeling the blissful love banished all their fear. Can I trust that? Is it universal?
Or is it based on their faith? If so I need to stretch and grow mine quite a bit. Which would be great to do anyway.
So here I am, throwing open the doors to this taboo topic. I’m open to suggestions. If you know of a book or other resource, let me know.
Spyder, your stories in the prompt are full of such love and grace, I’ll take comfort there. Thank you for being so open. And thanks to you, Diana C., jules, and Ravyne Hawke for keeping this such a safe and sacred space.
Marilyn Flower’s the author of Creative Blogging: Ninja Writers Guide to Character Development and Bucket Listers, Get Your Brave On. Clowning and improvisation strengthen her resolve during these crazy times. Follow her Sacred Foolishness and Stay in touch!