KNOW THYSELF-HEAL THYSELF | WEEKLY PROMPTS

Love, Loss, Growth, and Reflection

KTHT Weekly Prompts for the Week of August 1–5

The month I was away from KTHT was filled with all of these and the lessons learned now and before. It all started with a phone call like others I have received this year. My mother was in the hospital again. It was her sixth visit in 2022. My brother explained how mom was struggling to breathe again and how much she had changed since Christmas, the last time I had visited. He was going to visit so I decided to also go. The morning I was to fly there I got another phone call. My brother informed me that the night before they had a good meal, talked and my mother explained to my brother she was not going to go to dialysis anymore and she wished to enter hospice. They had a great night talking about times and events past. My mother was relaxed and in good spirits. I had to repack because I purposefully had not packed any clothes I could wear to a funeral. I felt at the time I didn’t want to think about losing mom.

I arrived and sat next to mom on the couch. I gave her a hug and she lowered her head and said “I’m sorry”. I hugged her harder and told her I loved her and she had nothing to be sorry about. My brother and I had talked on the way back from the airport and both supported her decision and agreed we would do everything we could to make her wishes at this time to do exactly what mom wanted to make sure her transition, burial directions, and last wishes were as she wanted no matter what. I have been blessed to have two amazing women who I called mom. My birth mother passed when I was twenty-seven. The past thirty-six years, this other wonderful woman filled that role. She did so much for me and my extended family since she also happened to be my biological and favorite aunt. Aunt Ruth, mom, Aunt Mom was a one percenter in so many aspects of her life. She was a strongly independent woman who studied in secretarial school and later became the office manager supervising more than sixty people. Not very common for someone born in 1930. She also married my father, her first marriage at the age of fifty-six. Another very unique happening. She owned her own home and was a certified scuba diver. Quite a role model not only for me but my female cousins. She was very religious and helped build the church she was a member of for most of her life by buying bricks for it for a nickel during the depression. She was accepting of people no matter of their race, religion, or sexual orientation. What mattered was only their being a good person. My mom had a great life. She worked hard, had good friends, and Christmas was always amazing with the amount of gifts she would receive and all who came to visit.

A few years ago mom’s world started changing drastically. She was still living independently at home at age ninety. She drove and even picked up cousins of mine who didn’t drive to shop and go to church weekly. Covid19 hit and mom became more isolated. She would leave the house only to go for dialysis three times a week for three hours each time. In December 2020 mom gave up her car as she no longer felt comfortable behind the wheel. She was still a good driver but felt it was time to stop. A decision she made on her own which we supported. Her hearing also deteriorated. In the past year she was virtually deaf even with her hearing aids in. She could only read lips. Her independence and quality of life were taken from her. Plenty of people would take her places she wished to go, Team Ruth was always strong. Mom started falling occasionally and began to go out less and less. In the last months dialysis stopped being effective and she felt isolated and paranoid. These things had mom reach out to my brother and I to help her transition. My brother and I could have tried to talk her out of this decision but we chose unconditional love and made sure the last days and hours were full of loved ones visiting and saying goodbye. The lessons I learned here in KTHT helped me to be there for her as she wished.

I started reflecting on my two moms, my dad, life in my family home and life in general. I thought about lesson in patience, mindfulness, and what it means to love. I realized since mom and I lived in different parts of the country she was most often in my heart than an active part of my life. I would visit a few times a year and we would talk on the phone. She is still alive in my heart and will be as long as it beats. I realized the reasons I didn’t want mom gone were almost all selfish ones. My mom was the last of six children. She had a twin sister who she missed dearly. Mom was cremated as per her wishes and buried in her sister’s grave site. Back together as they were in the womb.

One selfish reason I thought of was the house I always called home will no longer be that because by my father’s will we will sell it. I have called other places home and recently moved from the area and house I lived in for the longest part of my life. There are new chapters and new lessons.

My mom passed peacefully in her sleep in the early morning, just before dawn. She was at home as she wanted. Seeing her was not awkward or uncomfortable, knowing she was no longer suffering or even in that physical form. I am so grateful to have the opportunity to say goodbye. I am grateful people she loves and who loved her from age ninety-six to one day were able to witness her life and also say goodbye. I am grateful to have celebrated her life and continue to do so. I am grateful I could witness last rites given to her. I am most grateful I could return the love she had for me and many others by returning that love by following her wishes and being there for her and with her in her transition.

This week’s prompts:

1. What do you see as your role in helping a loved one who has decided to enter hospice?
2. What are your thoughts on care and how we deal with terminally ill people as a society?
3. Talk about what you consider home. What makes a home, can you have more than one pace you consider home?
4. Please share your thoughts on the loss of a loved one, is it better to be able to say goodbye even though it might mean there is difficulty for them at the end of their life or for it to be sudden and them not suffer?

Bonus Prompt: My mom’s view is that there is a heaven and I do hope that she is there. However, my father did not believe in heaven. If my mom is right, will my dad be with her? What are your thoughts?

Remember, there is no right or wrong way to use these prompts. Feel free to write poetry or an essay. The intention is merely to look at ourselves and reflect through writing.

There will be more prompts coming soon. Please remember to tag one or all of the editors when you use one of these prompts. We are Diana C., jules, Ravyne Hawke, and me, Spyder.

Peace be with you.