Making A Choice Between Two Men
I can’t keep dating both.
I have the ultimate first-world problem: I’m dating two wonderful, fantastic guys and I have to make a choice eventually between the two.
I know, I know…I should enjoy dating both of them and have fun blah blah blah.
That only lasts for so long. It’s been months. After a time, emotions rise and I can’t keep juggling both. It’s stressful, trying to remember which guy I said something to or what I wore with who on what date. They’re both venturing into Boyfriend/Girlfriend mode.
If either of them has the DTR talk (define the relationship), I can’t easily say “Nah, let’s keep dating other people” knowing full well that neither of them is dating anyone else.
Every time I see Marc, I’m positive I want to slide into monogamy mode with him. But then I’ll spend time with Sean and I’m giddy at the thought of dating just him.
First-world problem. I know. I hate me too right now. I’m going to break down various categories that are important to me when dating and see who scores higher.
Looks
Sean is okay-looking. Because he’s got a massive college football body, he’s attractive with his shaved head and intense look.
Marc has supermodel hair that I tease him constantly about. Blond and blue-eyed, he’s definitely the better-looking one of the two.
Running score: Sean 0, Marc 1.
Body
Sean’s body is bonkers for a guy in his late 40s. He’s massive. He lifts me with one arm with the ease of lifting an infant. He’s got a fancy-schmancy Tonal system and focuses on gaining muscle.
I’m mesmerized by Sean’s arm muscles. Yes, show me massive biceps with arm veins and I’m completely entranced. He hears me say regularly, “don’t mind me, I’m just objectifying your body.” Thankfully, he replies “I have no problems with that.”
Marc is all cardio. He plays soccer and has a lower body to show the results. His upper body is so-so; he does pushups but aside from great triceps, there isn’t much there.
Running score: Sean 1, Marc 1.
Teeth
I’m somewhat obsessed with straight teeth. Maybe it’s something that people who had braces notice in others. Neither of them had braces as kids (or if they did, they should demand a refund).
Sean’s issue is a snaggletooth on his top row that isn’t generally noticeable. It’s enough to bother me, but I’m a teeth snob.
Marc’s lower teeth are a hot mess. It takes every effort for me to not randomly blurt out, “get some fucking Invisalign you’re too hot to have teeth like that!”
Running score: Sean 2, Marc 1 (neither should get a point though).
Fun Factor
Sean is a chill, kick-back-at-home-with-a-glass-of-fancy-wine kind of guy. It’s great when I’m overwhelmed with the chaos in my house. We’ve done that a little too much lately; our next date damn well better be somewhere outside of his living room.
Marc has taken me to great places on every date. Last night, despite that we spent most of it at his place, we left and went to a fantastic Mexican restaurant with great live music (I usually loathe live music in restaurants). There’s never a lull in the conversation and it shocks me when I see that we’ve spent five or six hours together with time flying by.
Running score: Sean 2, Marc 2.
Sex Appeal
Tall men have confidence. Confidence is sexy. Sean is 6'3, has a massive body, and oozes unbelievable confidence without cockiness. He’s the textbook case of a man and I completely melt into his testosterone. I’m a complete sucker for dominant men.
Marc is the textbook case of a guy. That’s not a bad thing. But when I think of which guy can turn me on, I don’t picture him as someone so sexy that I’d think of him when I’m alone with my hands. He’s not a dominant guy, which means I can easily plow over him if I wanted to with my personality.
Running score: Sean 3, Marc 2.
Humor
Sean is reserved until we’ve gotten through a few glasses of wine. It’s like he switches from Christian Grey to Will Ferrell when buzzed. His guilty indulgence movie is Elf. While I enjoy my time with him, I’m rarely cracking up unless I’m the one making the jokes. He takes himself quite seriously.
With Marc, I’m constantly laughing. Even during sex, somehow something will happen and we’ll burst out laughing. I was in hysterics at his story about visiting a brothel in Nevada decades ago for a friend’s bachelor party.
He doesn’t take himself too seriously; I made a wisecrack about the brothel later and warned him, “oh, did you think I wasn’t going to mention that again? Because I am forever going to bring this up.” He has no problems with self-deprecating humor.
Running score: Sean 3, Marc 3.
Dwelling
I realize I shouldn’t judge either of them for their homes because I have no intention of ever living with anyone ever again. But until I can move out and get a place of my own, their homes are the default hangout. So I’m gauging my comfort level with each location.
Sean lives in the most gorgeous home I’ve seen in ages. He lives in the same neighborhood that the first Real Housewives of Orange County was filmed. It has all the bells and whistles that you can imagine in a swanky house. He keeps it immaculate.
The first time I saw his bedroom, he apologized for the folded blankets in the corner, saying that he needed to take them to Goodwill. Like bro, I live with two small children and a teenage man child. A clean sink is enough to blow my mind. The only downside is that it’s in the middle of nowhere and not easy to just pick up and go somewhere.
Marc lives in a small condo by the ocean. The location is fantastic. He struggled to save up for a down payment because he had to pay half of his ex-wife’s racked-up bills. It’s cute but I’d overhaul the hell out of it if I bought a place like that. I want to grab a can of paint and re-do the shitty job he did when he painted it himself with his teenage boys. Plus he has a large dog and I’m a cat person to the core.
Running score: Sean 4, Marc 3.
Life Status
I didn’t know what to call this section. It’s the How Much Does He Have His Shit Together category.
Sean’s life is perfectly orchestrated. He’s an executive at his company and does quite well for himself. He bought “a small” house (his words) at $1.4 Mil while still paying child support and alimony to his ex-wife. His kids seem to be equally perfect. This is a guy who was laser-focused his whole life on success and it shows.
Marc was a hot mess in his younger days. Drugs and smoking until he cleaned up his act to finish college. His ex-wife was a disaster and he paid a small fortune during his marriage and divorce due to her mistakes. He and his kids had to move into his dad’s house while he paid off her debts and saved up for a downpayment.
It seems paying alimony takes a decent chunk out of his income. He does PR at a great, well-known company but he’s not career-focused (that’s not a bad thing). He forces his kids to do drug testing after he caught one of them smoking pot.
Running score: Sean 5, Marc 3.
Social Life
Sean moved during the pandemic from Minnesota. Other than his coworkers, the only social outlet he has is through friends that live out-of-state. I don’t fault him because it’s not like he could go out and meet people while things were shut down. I don’t even know how men make friends as adults.
As a female, I could make friends with a random woman at Target every day of the week.
As a result, who knows if he would ever tell anyone about me until it became ultra-serious.
Marc grew up in Southern California. He coaches his son’s soccer team and plays in an adult league. He has friends and family here. What he lacks in career focus, he makes up for with a rich social life. I don’t doubt that he has mentioned me to a few people when talking about weekend plans.
Running score: Sean 5, Marc 4.
Sex
This is where it gets dicey.
Sean turns me on like crazy. His dominance drives me wild. I’ve told him what turns me on and he makes sure he follows it. On the downside, it’s annoying that he doesn’t always keep his erection (is this what happens as guys get older?). I also don’t think he’s a pro at multiple positions.
I’m happy to show him new tricks but I’m learning that our height difference is a bit of an impediment. He practically has to raise me like my legs are the handles on a wheelbarrow when getting our doggy-style on because his dick is way too high relative to the size of my body.
I get the impression that going down on a chick with his mouth isn’t his jam. His fingers, however…dayamm. His hands are ginormous and his fingers know exactly what to do.
Marc doesn’t know how to do jack with his fingers. But on the other hand, that boy doesn’t eff around when he’s using his tongue and it’s fantastic. I’m not stoked by his uncircumcised cock; while I realize it’s genital mutilation, at least chopping off foreskin gives boys a better chance at a sex life when they’re older if it’s a deal-breaker for some women.
This guy can stay hard through anything. Even when we’re laughing over something random, he can pick right back up and keep boning. His lower body strength is by far the strongest thrusts I’ve felt from any guy, ever.
Part of sex is psychological, so my brain gets disappointed when I run my hands along his naked body during sex because he’s not very muscular. Then again, I’m half out of my mind with pleasure from his thrusts.
Running score: Sean 5, Marc 5 (barely).
Well…fuck.
This exercise proved nothing.
I think I have another month before things edge into DTR mode with them. I can’t imagine breaking things off with one of them because I have a strong connection with both. The best I can hope is that one dumps me and makes the choice on my behalf. I wouldn’t even know how to break up with either of them.
After my breakup with Jon, I was worried that I’d never fall for someone again. Karma laughed in my face and threw two wonderful guys my way after months of dating random guys.
In a world where I’m dealing with a divorce while living with my quasi-ex-husband during a pandemic and parenting two small, high-needs children, this is a first-world problem that I will not complain about.
