The Make-It-Stop-Already 2018 NBA Summer League All-Stars

Not every NBA prospect is fun to watch. These are the guys ruining everyone else’s summer…

I love NBA Summer League. I really do. I watch more Summer League games than anyone you know — I’m currently on game #84 as we speak — and I disagree with the prevailing mentality that Summer League games are a pointless waste of time. Every game is a data point, and no data is useless. The stats may not be worth much, and the defense isn’t exactly NBA caliber, but there’s still plenty to glean from Summer League.

Many scouts say Summer League doesn’t tell you who can play, but it definitely shows you who can’t. I don’t totally agree with the former sentiment — Summer League shows flashes of ability and development worth noting — but the latter is true. Some guys just don’t have it, and if they can’t cut the mustard at Summer League, it’s probably not happening in the NBA.

But that doesn’t stop them from racking up minutes and shots anyway, infuriating fans who are there to watch other prospects develop and flash. Thus, the Make-It-Stop-Already Summer League All-Stars… because after 84 games of Summer League play, some of these players just make you want to bludgeon your eyes out Oedipus-style. Sometimes if there’s nothing there, there’s just nothing there.

And how dare you suggest Jack Cooley belong on a list like this. Jack Cooley is an icon and a Summer League legend. Guys like Cooley and Alex Caruso took precious time from playing rec league ball at the Y to come out to Vegas and grace us with their presence in exchange for a little TV time and two weeks of per diems, and we will honor them for their commitment. No, the Make-It-Stop-Already All-Stars are not for overachieving dudes like Cooley and Caruso, who are to NBA Summer League what TruTV is to March Madness. Once a year for two weeks, we remember them, we salute them.

The Make-It-Stop All-Stars are not to be saluted. They are to be forgotten. They are for DVRing and fast forwarding. And since I had to spend 84 games watching some of these guys ball, I figured why not spend 2500 words telling you why it was so miserable watching. Take a look, because you’re not going to find these dudes playing important NBA minutes anytime soon…

The Developmental Big Man Project

Dakari Johnson, Oklahoma City

I feel bad including Dakari Johnson, a guy that is clearly working hard and slowly, ever slowly getting a little better. This was Johnson’s fourth Summer League, which is only 17 short of tying Cooley’s record.

Somehow Johnson is still only 22 after four summer appearances and a developmental year at Kentucky, but it feels like he’s been around forever. Dakari Johnson is what happens when you bless someone with an NBA body but forget to include the skill. You look at him and it’s impossible to see anything but a potential NBA big man, and that means teams keep pouring resources into a project destined for nowhere.

Possession after possession, the Thunder dump the ball into the post and everything grinds to a halt while nine other players watch Dakari practice post moves straight out of the 90s. What’s the point? Sure, Johnson is getting a little better posting up, but we now know that’s one of the least valuable possessions in basketball and he’s not good at it anyway. Why waste so much time developing an outdated skill set? Johnson feels like a fourth big on an NBA team, but he’s eating up everyone else’s developmental touches. Even John Calipari doesn’t want to watch Dakari anymore.

Dishonorable Mentions

A few years ago, Deyonta Davis was one of my favorite draft sleepers and seemed like a rare player that could contribute to a Grizzlies roster badly lacking youth, and Davis is certainly still young. But he’s in the last year of his deal and seems to be regressing, with a body that doesn’t seem NBA-ready. Now that Jaren Jackson is here, Davis may have missed his window.

Damian Jones may also have seen his window close. As Summer League tipped, Jones had a golden opportunity with the Warriors moving on from their veteran bigs and two years on his deal. Then SL started and it was the same old Jones, with occasional flashes in the face-up game but always a step late in defense and then another injury. A few days later Jordan Bell stole the show, Kevon Looney re-signed, and Boogie Cousins took the starting job. Now it’s fair to wonder if Jones will even get the final year of his contract picked up.

We’re not including guys like Cheick Diallo or Christian Wood. At least Diallo and Wood look like modern NBA bigs, energy guys who can play hard off the bench on a cold night in January when no one else is trying. Those guys rack up rebounds and put-backs in the flow of the game without taking away from teammates’ development.

The Lottery Pick We Wish We Knew How To Quit

Dragan Bender, Phoenix

Sigh. I’m not ready to completely give up on Dragan Bender either, so I can hardly blame the Suns for not moving on. I just don’t know if it’s gonna happen. Bender isn’t even old enough to drink legally, but I am, and I sure need a cold one after watching too much of this guy.

Bender is the most maddening kind of prospect. He looks so completely lost and disinterested at times, a seven-footer floating aimlessly around the perimeter waiting for the ball, seemingly always out of place on defense. He can’t dribble to save his life and doesn’t seem to have any understanding of where to be on either end. But then you see him catch the ball at the arc and you know the shot is going up and it looks so smooth and so pure, and you see the occasional back cut and reverse layup, the sweet face-up shot, the beautiful passing touch, and you fall for Bender all over again.

At the end of the day, I just can’t get past that distant look in Bender’s eyes. I’m just not sure there’s a natural feel for the game, even if there’s so much natural ability. The most telling Bender sequence of the summer came when Jalen Brunson got Bender switched onto him. I laughed out loud knowing what was coming. Brunson took a couple steps back to iso Bender and beat him to the rim effortlessly but then somehow didn’t get switched back on defense and ended up guarding Bender on the other end but got into him defensively despite the one-foot height disadvantage and forced Bender into an embarrassing travel when he just didn’t know what to do.

Bender played 110 summer minutes. He scored 33 points on 35 shots without attempting a single free throw. He recorded two steals, two blocks, and one offensive rebound with a 3% assist rate and 24% turnover rate. Dragan Bender is only 20 and the talent is easy to see, so he isn’t going anywhere. But that doesn’t mean I have to tune in and watch it.

Dishonorable Mentions

I actually laughed out loud when I found Georgios Papagiannis on the Blazers summer roster. Papa G remains one of the worst and most shocking lottery picks in NBA history. He made three baskets in four summer games (on 11 shots) and remains the only correct answer to the question “What former NBA lottery pick are you literally better at basketball than?”

For some reason, Marquese Chriss wasn’t at Summer League. But Bender’s fellow top-10 Suns bust gets an honorable dishonorable mention anyway because we probably wouldn’t have noticed him even if he was.

The Outdated Stretch Four

Henry Ellenson, Detroit

I have seen enough Henry Ellenson to last me another 20 summers. Ellenson is the prototype for the Outdated Stretch Four model, but he also fits four of the five other categories. He’s the Make-It-Stop-Already MVP and the impetus for this article. He is real, and he is anything but spectacular.

Every NBA team needs shooting in 2018, and a few years ago, every team was looking for that stretch four. The problem is nowadays most big men and wings are expected to be stretch guys, because you either shoot or you get off the court. So why are we still drafting and developing guys whose only two skills are shooting and being tall?

Ellenson isn’t athletic, not by NBA standards. He has a laughably ugly dribble, high and out of reach, especially on the break. He runs upright and has a stiff form that makes you uncomfortable watching. And he just keeps getting the ball and keeps jacking up shots. Ellenson took 97 shots this summer, more than any other player. He made 29 of them. I’m not sure how your math skills are, but if Ellenson made three more shots and went 32/100, I bet you could figure out his field goal percentage. Of course, that would require Ellenson to make three in a row, presumably for the first time in his career. And it would require him playing enough to stop turning the ball over every possession.

Henry Ellenson is the worst kind of Summer League player. He’s a top-20 pick, so his team can’t give up on him. He’s a big man that doesn’t play big. He’s a gunner, actively taking shots and development time away from other guys that need it. And he’s not good. He’s just not good.

Marc Stein reported Monday that the Pistons hired Kevin Garnett to work with Henry Ellenson. I’m so sorry, KG. You deserve so much better.

Henry Ellenson played 185 minutes, most of anyone in the league. It’s like the Summer League gods are actively punishing us. Mercifully, the Pistons have been eliminated so we can go back to not watching Ellenson again.

Until next summer.

Dishonorable Mentions

Every NBA team thinks they need a big man shooter that can’t stay on the court in clutch minutes. T.J. Leaf and Tyler Lydon lead the way, and Isaiah Hartenstein appears set to join them. Special shout to Lydon for being one of two guys (along with Trey Lyles, another failed stretch four) Denver traded for using the pick the Jazz took Donovan Mitchell with. Very special.

Shooting a ball and being almost seven feet tall (and also, let’s be honest: white) doesn’t mean someone is the next Ryan Anderson or Ersan Ilyasova. And who wants Anderson or Ilyasova anyway? Stretch fours are an outdated concept. Every four can shoot now, or they can protect the rim (in which case they’re a center!) or guard the perimeter (now they’re a wing!).

Henry Ellenson is unathletic and not good at NBA basketball. He’s not a stretch four. He’s a stretch-mark four.

The Shameless Summer League Gunner

Tyler Dorsey, Atlanta

Almost every Summer League team has a gunner, and these guys typically shine. Summer League is for guys who can create and do stuff with the ball in their hands. Someone’s gotta score, right? These guys figure it may as well be them, especially since Summer League is really about impressing as an individual and earning playing time. They’re usually throwback 90s shooting guards better known in the modern NBA as “combo guards,” aka dudes that can’t run point or defend the wing.

Enter Tyler Dorsey. Dorsey was a ton of fun in Oregon’s March Madness run, but he was maddening this summer. You’d think he fits the Hawks new Warriors East offense well with his shooting, but he fits them the same way Jamal Crawford will fit the Warriors when they stupidly sign him later this summer.

Dorsey has a loose dribble and a quick trigger. When he gets the rock, you can go ahead and stop paying attention to the other four guys cause that ball is going up. Dorsey shot 27-for-74 for the summer, an ugly 36%. NBA.com says he recorded 15 assists over five games, which is really impressive considering I’m not positive he ever passed the ball once. Dorsey just kept gunning, trying to make a name for himself at any cost. He’s not particularly good at anything, and let’s just say Trae Young will be very grateful once fellow first-round pick Kevin Huerter is ready to take Dorsey’s minutes this fall.

Dorsey probably made Young long for the days of his terrible Oklahoma teammates. At least they got out of the way and let him do everything.

Dishonorable Mentions

Dorsey was the standout gunner (other than Ellenson), but plenty of other teams had guys that fit the bill. Malik Beasley and Wayne Selden are past Summer League All-Stars that were back gunning for more, and R.J. Hunter is still around shooting. New Clippers lottery pick Jerome Robinson looks like an early favorite for this team next year.

And don’t worry. We’ll keep a seat warm for LiAngelo Ball.

The Prospect I Never Liked in the First Place

Wesley Iwundu, Orlando

It’s not totally fair to include guys on a list like this just because I never liked them in the first place, but it’s my list so what are you going to do about it?

In truth, Iwundu is the exact sort of guy that should be seeing time at Summer League. He’s a raw point forward who needs a lot of work, and he ain’t gonna get it on an NBA roster, not even the Magic. It’s just frustrating to evaluate a prospect before the draft and not be excited, then see him get overdrafted and watch him prove you right several summers in a row.

Iwundu is raw to the max. He has a very loose dribble and a slow shot, and his basketball awareness is…not great, Bob. He plays like he thinks he’s getting paid by the foul at times. Iwundu is a good athlete, and you can see the appeal with his playmaking ability, but there’s just enough there to get too excited.

Honestly, the worst part of it is that Iwundu has the same poofy hair as my guy Jonathan Isaac, so I kept getting excited that Isaac had the ball only to see an ugly turnover and realize it was Iwundu all along. This town ain’t big enough for the two of us.

Dishonorable Mentions

It’s tough to pick on too many names here, but we’ll grab a couple anyway. Dwayne Bacon and Jaron Blossomgame come to mind, two more wings I never loved in the first place. Bacon has taken the fourth most shots at Vegas, and he can definitely heat up at times (see also: Shameless Gunners). Blossomgame actually shot 58% for the summer and always posted annoyingly mediocre numbers on consistent playing time all week.

The most annoying thing about guys like Iwundu, Bacon, and Blossomgame is that I’m very open to being wrong on my evaluation, so I spend extra time watching them, searching for something I may have missed, just hoping for an occasional flash. Sometimes it just isn’t there.

The Veteran Point Guard We Already Know Too Much About

Frank Mason, Sacramento

Is there really anything more to learn about someone like Frank Mason? He’s a superb college player with a high IQ and excellent passing and playmaking but not enough size or athleticism to play at a top level in the NBA. We get it.

We all already watched like 50 Frank Mason games at Kansas. We already know he can be useful running the bench offense. It’s fine. There’s not much upside to tap into. There’s nothing left to prove. Let’s give the developmental time to someone that’s not already a proven semi-asset.

Dishonorable Mentions

Come on down, Devonte’ Graham. What’s with all these Kansas point guards anyway? Another one is Semaj Christon, whose only interesting trait is having a first name that is spelled backwards.

Truthfully, it’s perfectly fine having someone like Mason or Graham around to run the Summer League offense, as long as that’s all they do. They may not have much more developing to do, but a point guard that knows what they’re doing is useful helping everyone else develop.

And that’s about the only nice thing there is to say about anyone on this list.

Follow Brandon on Medium or @wheatonbrando for more sports, humor, pop culture, and life musings. Visit the rest of Brandon’s writing archives here.