Love Isn’t Just for Giddy Sixteen Year Olds
In fact, just like fine wine, love, and the pursuit of love, improves with age.
Whether or not you are in a relationship now, have ever been in a relationship, or have not yet tasted in the delights of falling in love, I’m willing to bet money on the fact that nearly everyone has entertained the concept of love in their mind.
We all have some notion of what love is supposed to look like — much of it garnered from romance novels, sappy television reality shows or pure unadulterated fantasy.
At its most immature stage, the concept of love is one of a longing based mainly on youthful energy, exceptional good looks or, in cases where it might apply, a significant level of wealth. I won’t lay odds on this, but I’m pretty sure this perfect triad of positive attributes only comes along about every .01% of the time.
For the rest of us, it’s pretty much a crap shoot based on timing, random coincidence and, eventually, simply settling for the best option in our sights.
I don’t mean to sound deflated in any way. I am quite happily relating to my dear husband and have never felt like either one of us accepted a consolation prize in the game of love — I just know the challenges hopeful lovers face.
Love isn’t just a once in a lifetime thing.
It can make the rounds over and over again in the course of a lifetime. The criteria tend to get more and more refined as we age due to the fact that life often teaches valuable lessons only at a pace where we can accept them.
While sixteen year old love may focus on athletic builds, perfectly coifed hair and a gleaming smile, older adults tend to loosen the reins a bit on the physical appearance of potential love interests. That’s not to encourage anyone to slack off on physical maintenance — oh no, you will never age out of a decent haircut, clothes that highlight your best features and camouflage those less appealing parts, or civilized hygiene practices. It’s just that those attributes should become second nature as you polish your personality, education and social graces.
Young potential lovers may have their radar out for a mate that offers the promise of a good gene pool as well as the skills necessary to parent a future generation. By middle age or so, that ship has probably sailed. There are either children that have already been produced or the decision to not reproduce has already been made.
Young lovers may also be concerned about the earning potential or employment prospects of their chosen mate. Later in life, adults who are well established in their own right, while seeking a financially solvent partner, may focus less on money and more on shared interests.
Early in life, it’s common to be cautious, thinking you have to get it right the first time. As time goes by, it becomes easier to believe in the old adage:
“Men (or women) are like buses. If you miss this one, there will be another one along in ten minutes.”
While that may be a little flippant and presumptuous, it supports that idea that a person secure in themselves can more easily release themselves from a poorly fitting relationship and wait patiently for another opportunity — without judging themselves as failures in the game of love.
One of the key components of finding love as we go through life is the knowledge that time is moving on and mortality starts to weigh heavily.
It becomes easier to forgive flaws and shortcomings. You may have seen what loss looks like in terms of divorce, serious illness, financial losses, death — and you aren’t willing to fret over incidental characteristics any longer than necessary as you pursue a chance for romance.
As my brother often says:
“If it happened more than ten minutes ago, and won’t matter a year from now — Let it go!”
Yes, love grows warm and mellow as life goes one — and it all happens in the heart of the lover.
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