Love Is An Action Word

Taking action with the ones you love while the world is on pause

I believe that love is more than a feeling — it is something you do. But what can you do when you are isolated from the ones you love, especially from children?

Recently I wrote an article directed at educators about showing children you care when you can’t hug them. I realized afterward that many of us are struggling with this issue, especially grandparents!

This article is about stepping outside your comfort zone to enter the world of faerie with the children in your life. It seems odd to be writing something so simple and joyful at a time like this, while there is so much pain and suffering around the world with COVID-19 and in the US with racism and violence. Nonetheless, I am writing it now, because, for children, the only time for love is now.

I miss my grandchildren almost as much as I would miss air if it were suddenly taken away from me. They are ages 9 and 11, and I haven’t seen them since a month before COVID took away our ability to travel whenever we so choose.

At first, we did the thing where you call each other and ask awkwardly, for the 50th time, “how are you doing?” and, “do you like doing school at home?” Within a few minutes, they would begin to fidget and someone would point out it was time to eat, or go to bed, or just step away from this stupid phone call that is not the same as getting a hug from nana.

I kept thinking that if we just hit the right formula, the calls would go better. Maybe in the morning? Perhaps before dinner/after dinner/just before bedtime? We tried one child at a time and different times and the calls continued to be dry and focused on the fact that we missed each other.

Then, one afternoon, I decided to take action. I knew I was interested in the things they do all day long; maybe they would be interested in the things I do. So, I made a video. It was not the highest quality video, nor the most exciting topic. In fact, I literally made a video of myself feeding the two cats.

The next video was me, feeding the dog.

I asked for some feedback and got a video the children made telling me that the videos were “the best ever!!” and that they had watched the one with the cats several times.

The third video was shot through the window, of the birds at my bird feeder. Then I sent them one of me, eating my breakfast. At this point, I was pretty sure the videos weren’t working either.

I asked for some feedback and got a video the children made telling me that the videos were “the best ever!!” and that they had watched the one with the cats several times. Although I was pretty sure they had, indeed, seen better videos, the feedback was so positive that I decided to stretch my wings and try something a little more creative.

Last year I created a faerie garden in a wooded section of my yard. We had visited a faerie garden earlier that year in Ireland, and I thought it would be fun to reproduce something like it here. Much like the videos, it was a low budget affair, put together with items purchased at a dollar store, tied together with ribbons and bows, and a bit of magic.

Also, like the videos, they loved it, and spent time sitting together, reading, while at my home.

When winter came, along with snow and leaves, the faeries were carefully gathered into a box and placed safely in storage. I didn’t think about them again, until this spring, as I was trying to improve the video content. After feeding the cats, dog, and birds, I was rapidly running out of hungry animals.

It occurred to me that the faeries might just come to my rescue.

I pulled out the box of faeries and began to place some of them either back where they were before, or in new spots. I picked a few characters and started telling a faerie tale.

Production values on this faerie tale are low. That little purple guy in the photo above was originally the star. In the second episode, much of the setting got knocked around by a storm. By the third episode, the little purple guy had disappeared, never to return again. Hopefully, he wasn’t eaten. In that episode, we also learned that the little purple guy had been under a spell and by his good deed of helping the neighbors, he had turned back into a little boy faerie.

I don’t always know what’s going to happen next in the story. In fact, I don’t even always know what is going to happen next while I’m taping. A couple of times I included a song, and those songs were made up as I was singing them.

None of those things have mattered to the children.

They loved the songs. They are engaged in the story. We all end up wanting to know what’s going to happen next — especially me!

During the episodes that have followed, we met the boy faerie’s best friend and learned the characters names. It turns out that the characters’ names were very close to my grandkids’ names! We also found out there had been a plague throughout the land, and the schools and other places to go were only now reopening. We met the children’s teacher.

After five or so episodes, I started to wonder what to do next. Fortunately, it turned out, the children had ideas. They wanted me to add some dragons to the story, as well as some dinosaurs. My grandson told me where to find them in the toy box that is here.

The next video featured a lively exchange with the teacher, while she was delivering a lesson on dinosaurs, with the children telling her about the dragon bones they had found. Eventually, we meet the two dragons and many more adventures are sure to come in the days ahead.

The children have become involved with the stories, giving me occasional suggestions for plot lines, naming the dragons, and making sure that mom shows them the latest offering. Sometimes the stories serve as the incentive for getting ready for bed. Sometimes they make a quick video in response to mine. When we get on the phone, we have something in common to talk about that we are co-creating.

These videos have become a daily treat for us all. The children can hear Nana’s voice and it is an opportunity for me to show them that I’m thinking of them and that I love them. Making the videos allows me to spend a few minutes each day in the moment, sending stories about the Land of Faerie, or capturing other activities during my day, such as when I’m gardening, walking the dog, or making breakfast. The kids have asked for more animal videos, more cooking videos, and lots more faeries.

There are lessons about love as an action word in all of this. I’ve written before about not having to be perfect.

The videos have required me to step out of my comfort zone and believe that my small acts of love matter. The consistency of sending a one to two-minute video every day has allowed me to remain feeling connected in a way that is meaningful and gives joy to all of us. My daughter and I seem to communicate more about things that matter to us now as well. The daily texts of “I miss you!” have been replaced with questions about health and cooking.

Every time I step outside my comfort zone, I find myself reminded again that, especially with children, we only need to be perfectly ourselves.