Lost In Our Reflection
We are losing our values and moral judgment.
It was a beautiful Saturday morning. The air was refreshing as if the oceans had released their wings. She went into the garage, reached out for her skateboard. Off she zoomed.
She rode around her neighborhood, almost hit by a car backed out by the corner of the driveway. With the wind in her face, she made her way to the park.
A bunch of dudes were showing off their tricks. She rode towards the boys, she recognized one of them, Benny, her high school crush.
Benny is a charm. He has bright blue eyes. His brown hair tussled all over the top of his head. His dimples made his chubby face cuter. He smiled at her.
Fluttering, she gave a warm greeting which sent waves down her spine.
“You wanna show us some tricks,” Benny asked, gesturing towards her skateboard.
My friend Rhoda is a typical tomboy. I met her at a friend's bachelor party. She was one of the waitresses. She was kind and very confident in her personality.
At a glance, I didn’t know she was a girl, but when she spoke to me, her voice took away the disguise revealing her sex.
The one thing I loved about my friend was her no-bullshit sentiment. We became friends after that day. Rhoda is such an adorable person if you get to know her. She’s 23, much younger than me, very intelligent and hardworking.
She likes boxing, cage fighting, karate, surfing, and skateboarding was her favorite sport. She doesn’t wear makeup and does not take an interest in fancy girly clothing.
“Sure, why not”
Rhoda placed one foot on her deck. Slide down the slope and did a wicked 180, gripping the edge of her board in the air.
She caught a glimpse of Benny smiling in admiration. He was impressed. The boys cheered her. She beamed with pride. “Thanks,” she said.
Just as she was feeling herself, a crew of four popular girls from their school were passing. They were exotically dressed — wearing mini shirts, dangling earrings, and cropped tops showing their belly buttons.
“Hi, boys…and girl,” Sherlyn said, the leader of the girls.
“I think you mean “Boys”, interrupted Andrew, one of the boys. “When you drop the baggy jeans and hoodies and start behaving like a girl, then I will stop seeing you as a guy.”
Andrew is an arrogant punk who thinks his opinion of how a woman dresses, behaves, or talks should matter to a woman.
What our society has become
We see a lot of men like Andrew every day in our workplace, in churches, in schools, in public offices. The gender stereotypes confronting our generation have made it more difficult for women (and men) to live their lives the way they want.
Being a woman in this world means being deprived of your fundamental human rights by men who hate us. You are not free to make decisions about yourself. Instead, you are condemned by your body type, your values, and your behavior. Your actions become an object of men’s sexual desire.
It’s no news that women have been fighting for equality for ages. We want our voice to be heard, we want to be safe anywhere at any time, we want to be accepted for who we are. These battles have been tough. We still have a long way to go and our victories are threatened.
Understanding the past and how we can shape the future
In my extensive research in human psychology, I try to understand why men and women are the way they are. Why do men feel they can dictate what a woman does or doesn’t? Why do women need approval from men to act in a certain way? Is a woman’s kindness a blessing or a curse? Why does a woman feel pressured to mask her wisdom and courage under the umbrella of a man?
My ongoing research in behavioral psychology has shed light on some of these gender differences.
No one likes to be controlled. Unfortunately, it in men’s nature to be hierarchical. Men are biologically programmed to accept a win-lose scenario. It all dates back centuries ago when hunting skills allowed a man to solely target his killing on his prey and defeating other hunters.
Women, on the other hand, are biologically created to multitask and seek a win-win scenario. It's part of our motherly instinct to care for and love our children equally while doing domestic chores and building our careers.
Let me make this clear, I’m not in any way demoralizing women nor am I encouraging the animalistic nature of most men. These are my personal opinions based on my research and from what I have experienced and stories I have heard; for the purpose of understanding our respective differences, strengths and with the same, giving people a reason to be their authentic.
Since men are naturally wired to see every situation as a win-or-nothing game, they feel threatened by the power and status of women. When a woman tries to be better than them, abuse is born. It can be physical, mental, or both.
They say it’s a man’s world. Sometimes it really does feel like it. So women are motivated to understand these biological traits in men—to know what he likes, while men don’t bother to understand women’s emotions and how we see the world.
That’s why when men insult women for being sensitive, because she loves wholeheartedly, because she cries, because she seems distracted (when multitasking), because she is too worried about what others think and say, because she is not a man, then there will often be some form of abuse and destruction. It is happening. Here and now. Everywhere around the world.
It is not difficult to step back and notice that women’s careers are at stake. The doubles standards the society has for men and women have increased over the years and this is holding women back.
Some women are afraid to acknowledge they are ambitious because society will see them as arrogant or unlikeable. Men will be rewarded and praised for being ambitious in the workplace, but a woman will most likely be penalized or criticized for being ambitious.
I’ve seen some women dim their lights and try to fit into the business by relying too much on male strengths. I read an interview where a female director said she would rather take a bullet than let a man see her cry in business. Some women would decline a job offer if they perceive a slight chance of failing in that job. If she isn’t 100 percent qualified for that job, she won’t stake her name on it.
I’m not saying that women are not confident about themselves but rather that society has formed a stereotype that makes men overconfident, hence encouraging the gender gap.
However, as we have done throughout human history, women suffer when they push new born through their pelvic bones or are ashamed of how they don’t want to push new people through their pelvic bones.
Women want and deserve equal treatment, respect, and security. Women are actively contributing to social and economic growth, but they have been treated as property for centuries.
Fortunately, the women’s movement has brought about a shift in power in society. The message is loud and clear. Women are building alliances and working together to create the world we want to live in. We are changing the world and how it works. Yes, women have come a long way, but there is still a lot to do.
So it is important for women to understand men’s fears so that they are not overwhelmed by subtle forms of sabotage. Some of the ways men unconsciously and/or unconsciously sabotage women are by sexualizing, rejecting, controlling, mocking, criticizing, humiliating, abusing, and comparing women’s standards to theirs.
What we can do
Perhaps the possibility that this revolution can come with is that we talk to each other and discuss how we see things differently and examine each other and try to understand each other.
Whoever you are, believe in what you create, be your most authentic self. Keep making your light shine. Women may not be seen or treated with the same respect, yet, but the worst that can happen is for women to lose their self-worth to please society.
It is my belief, from my experience and observation of various studies and working in a multifaceted organization that embracing who we are and letting our authentic light shine, no matter how different we are, will bring about more peace, more creativity, more abundance, and more love.
I pray a time comes when women and men, transgender people, and all of humanity honor, respect, and value the differences of others — a time when we can truly be equal in our differences.
