POETRY
Lost Girls
A poem about finding self

Lost girls don’t live in Neverland but between the pages of diagnostic forms designed for boys by men.
We were unseen but not undone and though we were told to stop being who we were to fit the mold of a lady — we were still here underneath it all — waiting for our chance to know and be known for our glorious neurodivergence.
I was 34 years old when my ADHD was diagnosed, and it was first recognized by another ADHDer — a woman who was diagnosed even later in life than me. Both autism and ADHD are underdiagnosed in girls and women. Boys are over twice as likely to be diagnosed with ADHD as girls and four times as likely to be diagnosed as autistic.
What is clear is that these gender gaps in diagnosis are not simply because of biological sex differences. The diagnostic criteria for both conditions were largely defined by men who worked primarily with boys. Many girls present slightly differently, are more likely to mask and often get misdiagnosed with other conditions instead of autism and ADHD. These conditions include eating disorders, borderline personality disorder and many mood disorders. I had diagnoses of anxiety, depression and PTSD long before my ADHD diagnosis.
Not knowing ourselves comes at a cost, often to our mental health. We are expected to present to the world in a certain way, that often doesn’t come naturally to us, so we mask everything, from our natural facial expressions to how we learn best and communicate. This leads to burnout and difficulty formulating identity.
As a society, the answer is for us to learn about what neurodivergence looks like for girls and women — by studying us and listening to us when we speak about ourselves. Then we have to accept us too. I hope we can raise a new generation of women who have access to this kind of self-knowledge early in life nd who are celebrated for who they are.
Julia Marsiglio is a Canadian author who writes poetry, fiction and non-fiction. She explores topics such as trauma, grief, mental health, marginalization, and neurodivergence. More from Julia: