Living with Depression and Learning to Challenge Its Lies
My story of living with and recovering from depression
I have lived with depression for most of my life. Usually, I function well enough that most people have no clue I have this mental illness. They are unaware of the battle going on in my head as I challenge the lies depression tries to convince me are true.
At other times, it is painfully obvious that I believe those lies. I buy in completely to the messages depression plays on an endless loop inside my brain and I cry, stay in bed, and feel helpless and hopeless.
The Most Dangerous Lie Depression Tells
Depression tells me that I will never feel better. It convinces me that I will live the rest of my life as miserable and unhappy as I am at that point in time. Even though I have made it through previous bouts of depression and gone on to experience good times, I buy into the lie that this time is different. I believe there is absolutely no hope for a brighter future.
A “normal” person sees how ridiculous that thought is. Life is full of ups and downs; neither good times nor bad times last forever. When I am able to think clearly, I know that, but when depression has me in its grip I quickly forget that truth.
Believing depression’s lie that I will never get better leads me to conclude that the only way to escape the pain is to die. I start having suicidal thoughts.
That lie also causes me to lose all motivation to do anything that might help. I decide that nothing could possibly work, so why try? There is no reason to go to therapy, take medication, exercise, journal, go outside, or take any other action when I already know I will not get better.
Other Lies Depression Tells
Depression lies to me in other ways, too. It tells me everything I “should” be doing. The things that “normal” people do, like go to work or clean the house. It uses the fact that on my worst days I do nothing but cry and worry as proof that I am worthless.
Depression also tells me it is not an illness. It wants me to believe I am weak and lazy. I should be able to snap out of it and get more done.
Challenging these lies is a daily struggle. Just when I think I know that the lies depression tells aren’t true, something happens and I get sucked back into believing them.
That is the reality of living with depression.
Challenging Depression’s Lies Leads to a New Reality
Thankfully, as I continue to challenge depression’s lies a different reality is emerging. While I know that recovering from depression is a journey and there will continue to be setbacks along the way, I am feeling better than I have for a long time.
A new medication and the support of family and friends, especially my husband, have been significant factors in my recovery. Therapy has also helped.
Depression is largely an internal battle, though. Recognizing my negative thoughts and challenging them is something no one else can do for me. I have learned to be more aware of the things I say to myself, and question the truth of statements like “things will never get better” or “there is no hope for me.”
Instead of replacing those comments with overly positive ones I don’t really believe, I replace them with statements like “I don’t know what will happen in the future” or “Right now, I believe there is no hope, but I have felt this way before and been wrong.”
I challenge the lie that depression is not an illness but a character flaw, and I am just weak and lazy, by learning more about depression and its symptoms.
The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) has a great website full of educational content, symptom checklists, and other helpful resources. The CDC (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention) website also has an “About Mental Health” section with useful information, including statistics that remind me how common mental illnesses are.
I also make two lists each night when I go to bed. The first one is a gratitude list. This helps me focus on the good things in my life instead of my problems. The second one is a list of what I accomplished during the day, no matter how insignificant it seems. Doing that reminds me that I was more productive than I thought, and helps me challenge the lie that I am lazy.
Challenging the lies depression sometimes convinces me are true is something I will need to do for the rest of my life. It is easy to slip back into destructive thought patterns, but now I know how to get out of them.
Living with depression is not easy, but learning to challenge its lies makes it possible to not only survive but thrive!
If you are experiencing depression, or someone you love is, please consult a mental health professional and visit the websites listed above. Help is available, and much of it is free!
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