Living Grace

This body is built on the ruins of all the people I’ve ever been. Wise men build their homes on rocks, while the rest of us settle for skeletons. — “The Simplest Words” by The Narcissist Cookbook

My journey is one of recognition and acceptance of who I am, warts and all. I enter as a broken person, armed with only desire to collect the pieces and glue them together to form a better person. Just like steel endures the hearth fire to emerge tempered, this process, although painful, promises for me to emerge stronger, flexible, and resilient.

The process is ugly as sin, as my thoughts are inherently entangled; a primordial soup of my poor choices, failed relationships, unfortunate life circumstances, misplaced emotions, errant dreams, and numerous regrets boiled over time.

This journey is however, the most cathartic adventure of my life. I am learning about my mind, my body, and my relationships with those around me and the world. I recognized and am coming to terms with a gender identity other than that with which I was raised. And more than anything, I came to appreciate and wholeheartedly embrace one word as the cornerstone of my person.

Grace

That word flows over and through me. I live by grace in each encounter I have and each decision I make. It is what lives with me when I am perplexed by decisions, feel despair and dysphoria, feel loved and happy, or am contemplating the future.

Grace

Five letters that ground and center my mind and spirit.

How do I embrace grace? Well, here’s a top 10 list (there’s a top 10 list for pretty much anything — yea for the base 10 number system!). Kind of like the famous Ten Commandments, but much, much better…

1. Love yourself first — this one has taken over my life. Self love is beautiful and critical to being truly happy and fulfilled. My embracing of Nova is nothing but a commitment to love for who I truly am.
2. Let it go — life is short and it’s difficult to accept that I cannot control everything — in fact I can control remarkably little. Freedom comes from recognizing and accepting that fact.
3. Practice gratitude — especially since my journey started I find myself incredibly grateful for the little things of life. Appreciating the little things, such as kind comments and short discussions makes the larger things more exciting and the negative things less dramatic.
4. Forgive — this one is often difficult, but when done with mindfulness and gratitude forgiveness is a blessing (it is so much better to just let things go than spend time dwelling on the past).
5. Apologize — accept responsibility for my faults; I strive to make amends and do better next time. Much easier than hiding or pretending whatever happened doesn’t exist or is someone else’s fault.
6. Be mindful — breathe deeply and center in the moment. repeat.
7. Speak kindly — no one gets in trouble by being kind.
8. Have compassion — have a kind but resilient heart. Express compassion to the world and you will receive in kind.
9. Accept people for who they are — this goes in with forgiveness and compassion.
10. Have a sense of humor — we all need to laugh, as laughter is a vital and essential part of life. Let’s laugh together!

My journey into becoming Nova would not be happening without grace. It simply lets me be a better (and more authentic) person. And when you recognize grace in yourself, it opens up a whole new world of seeing it in other people!

As a sidenote, I have been “trying on” different middle names. Like pretty much every trans person, selecting a name takes time, and only with time will one resonate at my core. Today I embrace this simple word, grace, and make it part of my own.

-nova grace ❤️