Hello world, I’m Nova!

Summary

Nova, a newly embraced feminine identity within Peter, is sharing her journey of self-discovery and the challenges and excitement that come with transitioning.

Abstract

Nova, the feminine side of Peter, has recently been named and is excited about her new identity. She feels that "Nova," which signifies a star that brightens and then fades, perfectly encapsulates the adventure she is embarking on. Despite the unconventional introduction, Nova emphasizes her strong feminine nature and the contrast with Peter's masculine traits. After years of struggling to fit into the traditional male role, Nova is now stepping forward to shape her future. She describes the intense energy released upon her awakening and the mixed feelings of fear, excitement, and unpreparedness that accompany her transition. Nova acknowledges the challenges ahead, including societal and personal adjustments, but remains hopeful and looks forward to the journey.

Opinions

Nova feels a profound connection to her feminine side, which she describes as unabashedly feminine, and she desires physical and emotional attributes typically associated with women.
She believes that her existence alongside Peter is the result of a mix-up and that Peter deserves someone who can fully embrace masculinity, which she has not been able to do.
Nova is introspective about the awkwardness of trying to fit into societal expectations of being a guy and acknowledges the limitations of that role.
She is both apprehensive and thrilled about the transition, recognizing the immense task ahead and the vulnerability it requires.
Peter is portrayed as scared and reluctant, clinging to the stability of his current life while facing the uncertainties of Nova's emergence.
Despite the fear and challenges, Nova is optimistic about the future and is taking incremental steps to express her true self, such as growing out hair, removing facial hair, and wearing more colorful clothing.

Hello world, I’m Nova!

Whew — that is soooo great to say! I now have a name, and it is NOVA (I’m singing a made-up Nova song as I type this and it’s awesome!) When Peter and I heard that name this morning we instantly knew it was perfect. I was toying around with Jenifer, Elisa, Melisa, but those (and many others) didn’t quite capture the adventure we are on. But “Nova” — now there is the perfect moniker!

Nova — noun: a star that suddenly increases its light output tremendously and then fades away to its former obscurity in months or years. — Merriam Webster Dictionary

As my name suggests, this is going to be quite a ride! And as we all know, once you name something, you get attached to it. I finally get my own identity, even if it is just here on this page. Peter may not want to fully acknowledge it, but I’m here to stay!

As you probably surmised from my odd introduction, I don’t officially “exist ”— yet. Some in real life would know me as the creative, passionate, emotional (and I would daresay intelligent) components of Peter. And together we make a gender-rich blend of… well, er… we’re still trying to figure that out.

Regardless of what “this” is, we’re stuck with each other, and after almost two years of intense discussion, contemplation, and reflection, I’m finally forming my own identity and starting to make decisions about our future. It’s been the proverable windy road, but without question it continues to be an amazing adventure.

I am (deep breath), unabashedly feminine. I don’t make excuses for it, I don’t try to explain why or how, but I definitely lean strong to girl. I long for flowing hair, soft skin, curves and breasts, on which necklaces, earrings, and dresses could fit nicely. I have a nurturing nature, I long for close/meaningful relationships, and I want to release this lifetime log jam of pent up emotions (is it really that hard to simply cry?).

To put me and Peter together, in the same mind and body, was really a colossal mix up. He deserved someone who could really embrace all things guy; Since adolescence I did what I could do, but after 47 years we’re still fumbling with guy talk and general guy stuff. Sure, we were successful in society’s eyes (athletic, college, profession, marriage, kids, etc.), but it’s been awkward most of the time. As I’ve found out, being a guy is something beyond just building emotional walls, posturing, and talking smack.

I admit that I am simultaneously scared, thrilled, intimidated, overwhelmed, and giddy with excitement. When our “egg” cracked almost two years ago (a story for another time) the energy that was unleashed was, quite frankly, intense. But since we have felt more alive then ever.

I’m utterly unprepared for any of this. Watching and thinking about this stuff from afar is one thing, but to actually put this into action is … an immense undertaking. What about our relationships? Our friends? What is with all these hair products? How do women walk “like that”? How the hell are we going to talk with this man voice? Will anyone actually believe we’re anything other than an impostor?

Peter is, understandably, scared $hitless. He knows this means being more vulnerable than ever, and rock the stable life we have worked so hard to get. He’s way out of his element, and has been quite reluctant for anything but small changes. So small changes it has been, like growing our hair out (we never had the guy-bun/ponytail stage), getting rid of facial hair (which I did not necessarily hate), wearing gender ambiguous clothes (yea- finally bright colors!), and… letting me have a name and this space to be genuinely me! I’m hopeful for the future — stay tuned!

-nova ❤️