Listening To The Music Of My Life

This is a story about control and the power of tuning into the frequency of songs that speak to my soul.

The third album released by Janet Jackson — Ms. Jackson if you’re Nasty, found me in 1986. Monumental life changes loomed on the horizon. In a span of six months, I’d graduate college, begin a corporate career, and get married. I’d finally arrived at the juncture in my life where I felt free.

The title track, “Control” became my personal anthem and rallying cry. Janet’s lyrics were seamlessly ripped from the pages of my mind. She sang, “When I was seventeen, I did what people told me. Did what my father said and let my mother mold me. But that was long ago.” I longed to break the stronghold my parents had on me and escape their watchful eyes.

I was at a party on campus, the first time I heard it. Producers Jimmy Jam and Terry Lewis start with an electronic interlude that conjures images of a fuzzy dream sequence.

The mesmerizing musical reverie is broken by Janet Jackson’s soft-spoken, albeit self-assured voice. The effect struck the perfect chord that set the tone for Janet to unapologetically share her story.

The song spoke to my senses. I too was a young woman awakening to her personal power. The score builds to a crescendo that puts the world on notice. Janet emphatically declares, “I’m gonna be the one who takes control.”

Hearing her voice transports me back to the time that served as my life’s launch pad. Janet’s lyrics mirrored my life. Her declaration of independence became my marching orders.

She confidently crooned, “Got my own mind. I want to make my own decisions. When it has to do with my life, my life. I wanna be the one in control.” This stanza still plays on a loop in my subconscious, “I’m in control. Never gonna stop. Control, to get what I want. Control, I’ve got to have a lot. Control, now I’m all grown up!”

Jackson’s song was blasting in my head while I sashayed across the stage to pick up my diploma.

Nine years later, it hit me. I wasn’t in control of anything. I’d just transferred the reins from my parents to my husband. I was working in an environment regulated by corporate culture.

I was mostly overseas in Southeastern China, buying furniture for an American retailer. My job centered on increasing my employers’ bottom line. My days became a marathon to make it from sun-up to sundown. I’d stopped drawing and struggled to connect with my husband and baby girl.

As the computer age dawned, it slowly dawned on me that I was inching closer to becoming an automaton. My life was on auto-pilot. Though my bank account was big, I wasn’t in control. Nor was I contributing anything meaningful to society.

That all changed on February 1st, 1996. That day will live in infamy in my mind. It was the bravest I’ve ever been in my life. It was the day, I assumed control of designing the direction of my destiny.

My Journey to Independence in 3 Steps

Step 1: Acknowledging that God is ultimately in control. Step 2: Quitting my job defied the meticulously planned life strategy my husband had hammered out for us. It was hard to let him down. I basically broke my end of the bargain. This came 4 years after giving birth to our child and 3 years after building our dream home. Step 3: More of a leap than a step. This required shutting out all preconceived notions of what my life should look like. When I lept into the arms of entrepreneurship, I was crazy enough to believe that I would more than replace my salary as a self-employed artist.

Changing that aspect of my life was terrifying. To this day, only one thing makes me prouder. That was giving birth to our daughter. At 31, she’s a stellar human being.

In 1996, I realized it’d taken me 10 years, to build up the courage to take control of my life. What I’d sought but could not articulate was economic freedom. From my parents, my husband, and my employer. Financial ties bound me to decisions I would not normally make.

Folks, it’s scary to assume 100% responsibility for every aspect of your life.

When things go wrong, which they often will, the buck always stops with you. There’s nowhere else and no one else to shift the blame. That’s ultimately what control is all about, flexing your personal power.

Control = Freedom of Choice

Being free to choose what you want and how you want to live your life is deeply satisfying. However, it’s inextricably tethered to a downside. Assuming responsibility for the consequences of all your actions and reactions is a heavy burden to bear.

Another pivotal song magically morphed out of the ether in 1996. What made it so surprising, was that it was written by Tom Petty. I’d always found his voice grating.

Yet when his song played on the silver screen, it shot to the top of my list. Petty’s song, ‘Free Fallin,’ aptly described my entrepreneurial situation. I’d just jumped off the cliff and was hurtling through space. I felt weightless, free, and unbothered by the fact that the plunge could potentially crush my spirit.

Tom Cruise brilliantly telegraphed the jubilance of the title character of the movie, Jerry Maguire, after signing his first client. Driving back to the airport, Maguire is obviously on a natural high, when he tunes into the song.

When I first heard Tom Petty’s hit ‘Free Fallin,’ the song caused me to break out in this huge goofy grin. That’s the indescribable element that makes a movie magical.

The title character and I couldn’t be any more dissimilar. Yet, that song connected us. I was thoroughly vibing with the character’s celebratory sentiment.

If you’ve never seen the movie, it’s well worth the time investment. It opens with an introduction to the protagonist, Jerry Maguire. He’s a disingenuous, sports agent.

On the road during a conference, Maguire awakens after growing a conscience. The result is an epiphany that spawns an earnest personal manifesto.

Driven by distraction, he finds an all-night copy place to print and bind his magnum opus. Fired up, Maguire leaves the booklets for distribution to everyone at the conference.

Maguire’s mission statement disavows the entire sports industry for being anchored in narcissism and built on greed. It is both figuratively and literally a wake-up call. As expected, his world implodes.

This is where Cruise proves his mettle as an actor. The meltdown scene where he makes the impulsive decision to branch off and start his own company is classic.

Filling-in-the-Blanks

Music builds a bridge between the opening set-up and the car scene. Cruise and a stellar ensemble cast carry the movie on the strength of great writing and raw talent. There are no special effects or gimmicks. Just good old-fashioned movie-making.

The music sequence, with Tom Petty’s, ‘Free Fallin,’ blaring on the car radio heightened the story. Maguire would have been out on his ass, without the handshake deal that precedes the song.

Alone in the car, Maguire mentally replays the conversation that landed him his second client. Unlike his first client, played by Cuba Gooding Jr., (who unevenly shows sparks of greatness) the independent agent revels in the notion of representing the number one football draft pick in the nation.

The actor’s signature smile sets the mood. No longer able to contain his feelings, Maguire excitedly flips through the dials on the car radio in search of a song that matches his mood.

When he lands on ‘Free Fallin’ he lets’s lose… Cruise channels raw emotion in his voice. It’s all on display for everyone to see. This is what real joy looks like. Joy is a quality that’s nearly impossible to capture on film.

The man and music merged to make a silent statement. What I witnessed, in that scene, was an elusive element. It constituted movie magic.

About The Movie

Jerry Maguire is an oldie but goodie. The movie earns your time the old-fashioned way with great storytelling. Brilliantly directed by Cameron Crow, the content magnetizes the audience’s attention from start to finish.

Skillfully cast, it won Cuba Gooding Jr. an Oscar and gave Regina King a runway to express a range of emotions. The little boy who played their son became a regular on the Bernie Mac show.

It featured John Travolta’s late wife, Kelly Preston, as Maguire’s bitter jilted fiancée. Jay Mohr weighed in with a pitch-perfect performance as Maguire’s heartless mentee. And Bonnie Hunt nailed the role of bitter, disapproving, overprotective, yet ultimately supportive sister-in-law.

The movie introduced former child actor Jonathan Lipnicki as Maguire’s bespectacled stepson. It also sent Renée Zellweger’s star soaring into the stratosphere. She played Maguire’s adoring wife/accountant/secretary Dorothy Boyd. In it, Zellweger uttered the infamous line, “You had me at hello.”

Rounding out the cast was Beau Bridges with a spot-on portrayal of good ole’ boy Matt Cushman. The entire plot hinges on Matt’s verbal commitment to Maguire, to let him represent his son in NFL negotiations.

The NFL-bound phenom, Cush is played by the eternally goofy and always entertaining Jerry O’Connell. You may know him as one of the co-hosts of the CBS daytime program, The Talk.

My husband thought my foray into business ownership would be temporary. He wrongly assumed that if he gave me enough rope I’d hang myself.

Here’s the thing with creatives. We understand the power of the pivot. I took his imaginary rope and wove it into a company that specialized in crafting custom content.

Start-up to scale spanned 26 years. It even sustained us through the toughest times that he never saw coming.

However, I knew how his mind worked. As much as he denies it, he thought I’d fail miserably. I, on the other hand, did everything that was within my power to avoid eating crow at every meal for the rest of my life.

In retrospect, I never once entertained the idea of failure. But I digress. Because that’s a convoluted story that I don’t have the energy to tell today.

Takeaway

Music is an intangible element that’s added layers of meaning to every age and stage of my life. Of late, I cannot escape the flood of memories that rush back wherever background music from the 1970s, 80s, and 90s plays.

Harmonies and melodies are embedded in the deepest recesses of my brain. They’re summoned by a few notes. On emergence, they conspire to create a time machine that’s capable of transporting me back to the source of the musical signal.

My feelings will forever be caught in the pulse, tempo, and song arrangement. Though, I can no longer recall the lyrics to every song, hearing a sampling of chords is all it takes to constitute a musical therapy session.

I’m grateful for the way sounds transcend the boundaries of conscious communication. When I really think about it, music just might be my muse. On a visceral level, everything I’ve ever listened to has combined to create a compilation that serves as a soundtrack for my life story.

On reflection, I can clearly hear that each word spoken delivered a lesson that taught me how to decipher the language of my life.

🔹About Me ➖ Toni Greathouse (moniker) Toni The Talker ➖ Racing toward age 60. Living every day like it’s my last, but planning like I’ll be here 60 more years. Rewriting my reality in ways that will leave a legacy that outlives me.

PARTING SHOT

Long-form (movie short) of the incomparable Ms. Jackson. She followed in the footsteps of her big brother Michael who pioneered the video/musical genre back in the 1980's.

This clip is a dramatization that morphs into Janet Jackson performing the song Control, in concert.