Like My Mum, I Am Also Addicted to TV as a Form of Escapism

How it can get worse with the algorithms and how to substitute entertainment with “nothing”

I was officially a couch potato during the lockdowns. Here are my records that I’m not proud of at all:

• Bridgerton in one day (1 season)
• The Good Place in one week (4 seasons)
• How to Get Away with Murder in three Weeks (6 bloody seasons)

There were also Grey’s Anatomy, Killing Eve, etc...

During Valentine’s Day, I couldn’t wait to finish dinner and watch the latest episode of Umbrella Academy. This alarmed my boyfriend and he asked me, “are you able to do nothing?”

Nothing? What nothing. Let’s watch this hilarious Youtube video my friend just pinged me.

I am addicted to television and this feels very familiar. I can smell disaster.

TV is the only thing that won’t betray my mum

Let me bring you back to Hong Kong, 1997. I was 8 years old.

The city just returned to China from the British’s hands. Some of my friends migrated to England. My grandfather died.

Overnight, my dad packed his bags and took off. He suddenly quitted his job and told us he was travelling to the Silk Road, back in two months.

Around the same time, my mum was introduced to the first Korean drama, way before K-pop took over the world, in the form of pirated DVDs.

Since then, my memory of my mum was reduced to her complaining about a husband-less home and sticking to her sofa watching Korean television.

She had a direction-less job, a run-away husband, and a daughter that didn’t seem to care. The television is the only thing that won’t betray her. She could relive her youth via the heroes and heroines’ storylines. She could imagine she could become part of the dinner table filled with the laughter of family and friends.

Although the language was different and she had never been to South Korea or had Korean food before, the kimchi looked ultra-delicious to her.

TV is the only thing I can be fully introverted about

Fast forward to 2021, I have left Hong Kong for years, and was locked in my one-bedroom home with a severe case of anxiety disorder.

In my pre-Covid days, work was a combination of computer work, phone calls, face-to-face meetings and cheeky cigarette break with my work-wife. Now, it was work and calls.

Work drinks on Zoom were difficult because I couldn’t make small talk with the person next to me (I can’t believe I missed that) and I wasn’t extroverted enough to join in and speak with everyone. The management team was trying hard to engage everyone, but it was just not the same as going to the pub.

Surprisingly it was also a Korean TV drama that rescued me. I re-watched an old hit called Dae Jang Geum, a historical drama about Korean cuisine in the palace.

I wasn’t doing the talking, Jang Geum and her friends, lovers and enemies were. I wasn’t trying to convince, be convinced, argue or negotiate. I was taking a back seat, watching the drama unfolded.

From there, I fell into the rabbit hole of escapism. I woke up with Youtube playing on my iPad first thing, then I moved to a loop of my laptop, the television, the iPad, and fell asleep with the good old Friends in the background.

Friends was my sleeping pill. Before Friends, I had not slept for 3 months straight.

But TV is bad, the algorithm is worse

My mum had to go to China to get pirated DVDs back in the days and now we all have Netflix, Youtube, Amazon Prime and some special platforms for Asian dramas.

The computer knew what my mum and her friends like to watch. So they weren’t searching hard or reading the back of the DVD package to gauge their interests anymore, the streaming has provided recommendations for everything they love. Almost no bad guesses.

The algorithm started feeding me with food videos from Asia, which worsened my homesickness.

There’s no need to explain to my savvy readers how bad TV is, and how algorithms and app designs make us more addicted than ever. You probably know it first hand when involuntary tears dribble down your face because your eyes are dry and sore.

My boyfriend rescued me

My boyfriend doesn’t have a laptop/office/sit-down job, during the pandemic, he has continued to go to work as usual as a key worker.

I was transported physically from my locked-up home to his home during the pandemic due to my emotional instability.

I am lucky to have him.

He was worried to see how much I had gone through on the screen during the day, and how little I’ve accomplished overall. The dishes were unwashed, the dirty clothes had piled.

Any form of addictions is an attempt to substitute things we don’t want to deal with in real life. A person with a failing relationship might focus on working instead and people take cigarette breaks to escape from their stressful work. Over time, addictions become our second nature we don’t always remember why we needed them in the first place.

But escapism has its consequences. From negligence in real-life responsibility to letting a worsening situation rotten so badly that it’s impossible to reverse. Today, in her retirement days, my mum hasn’t had any hobbies or social circles that aren’t related to television. Personally, I got digital anxiety that feels very real.

What to do when doing nothing

My boyfriend suggested I deleted all my social media and Youtube and tried to detox for a day.

The question is when we remove a dominating component of our lives, what do we actually do? I decided to explore on a sunny day and here’s what I found.

Walking

Before the lockdown, I walk around town a lot. Walking is a great thing to do because we really can’t watch the screen or read, it’s physically dangerous.

On a sunny day, I’ve ventured to Hove, the area next to Brighton, England. I walk along the promenade, observe the seagulls gliding with the wind, and dogs running around happily.

It really changes the energy and put me in a good mood. I took my camera (yes, not a phone) and took many great pictures.

Dancing and singing

I used to love doing that when I was a kid. I would close my bedroom door, put on Avril Lavigne’s Sk8ter Boy and start dancing and singing as if I was a superstar.

Dancing and singing is great fun. We can move our body freely in tune with the music we like, and completely immense ourselves in it. Have you heard of the 5 Rhythms dance classes? It’s a form of spiritual free-flowing dancing that have many health benefits.

When this pandemic is over, I’m definitely doing 5 Rhythms.

Gazing at the sea (especially at sunset)

I can’t get enough of the sea. Every day the sea looks different to me and it sends out great vibes. The waves intrigue me and the seagull and starlings are fascinating to watch.

Not only the sea, but the nature is amazing. It’s soothing for our eyes, and it relaxes our minds. As a philosophical person, it also makes me realised how small I’m in comparison to this big wide world. Everything will be ok, I almost can hear the sea comforting my anxious mind.

When my dad travelled to the Silk Road on his own many years ago, there wasn’t wifi on our phones. He used his wit and a map to navigate, not Google Maps and Instagram recommendations.

What we need now, really, is a bit less screen time and a bit more genuine communication and connection. Maybe we will encounter someone when we are walking, or we will be in touch with the creative side of ourselves through dancing and singing, or we will reconnect with the nature again.

Television and Youtube are amazing, but it’s always one-sided. We are being fed with entertainment and information, before we get to process it, the algorithm flips us to the next interesting watch.

It’s our decision to pause and do something else, it’s our choice to do nothing and allow our body and soul reconnecting to the physical world. Nature will give us the energy and motivation we need to deal with problems in life, we don’t need to escape again.