Summary

The web content is an article discussing the process of music artists being pitched to record labels by A&R representatives, using humorous and creative comparisons to describe various artists' unique sounds and potential appeal.

Abstract

The article "Life’s A Pitch!" delves into the art of pitching artists to record labels through a series of imaginative and humorous scenarios. It illustrates how A&R representatives use references and comparisons to convey an artist's potential and appeal. The piece covers a range of artists, from the globally recognized Adele and Beyoncé to lesser-known acts like Gaye Su Akyol and Atarashii Gakko!, highlighting the subjective and often quirky nature of these pitches. The article is interspersed with embedded YouTube videos and witty dialogues between an A&R rep and a label boss, providing a behind-the-scenes look at how artists are matched with labels based on their sound, image, and marketability.

Opinions

The article suggests that the way music is pitched can be as important as the music itself, with A&R reps needing to be creative and persuasive.
There is a hint of satire in the portrayal of the music industry's tendency to categorize and compare new artists to established ones for easier marketing.
The piece implies that understanding the cultural context and potential audience is crucial in pitching an artist, as seen in the comparison of Yugen Blakrok to a cooler version of Kool Keith.
The dialogue between the A&R rep and the label boss often includes humor and plays on words, indicating a light-hearted critique of the industry's inside jokes and stereotypes.
The article seems to celebrate the diversity of musical styles and backgrounds, from Turkish psychedelic rock to Japanese pop groups, while also acknowledging the challenges of breaking into a predominantly White, female audience, as mentioned in the discussion about Tina Turner's fanbase.
There is an underlying recognition of the importance of image and performance, such as the emphasis on Adele's hand gestures and the dance choreography of Atarashii Gakko!.
The comparisons made, like likening Linkin Park to a mix of Will Smith, The Backstreet Boys, and Alice In Chains, suggest that the music industry often relies on familiar references to sell new talent.

Life’s A Pitch!

Photo: StudioCanal. **“That’s ‘Boomerang’ by The Creatures, so good luck yeah.”**

Hands up, if like me, you love music.

Oh, Kay. I were hoping for a strong 110%, but I’ll take a strong 83.5%.

OK. 82%.

So, where does music come from?

It comes from music makers you numpty.

Although perhaps the question should be, how do we hear music?

1st Person: Spotify.

Me: Mmm, someone’s showing their age eh?

Alternatively, you may hear music on the radio.

1st Person: Mmm, someone’s showing their age eh?

Photo: customhearing.net. **“I’ve got nowt. Does it go up to 11?”**

However, music isn’t just given to us by the music fairy, it’s often distilled to us by record labels.

Big Daddy Kane once rapped, “How’d You Get A Record Deal?”

So, how do folks get a record deal? Well, someone pitches an artist to a label boss.

What is a pitch?

“Pitch is a perceptual property of sounds that allows their ordering on a frequency-related scale ….” — Wikipedia

Actually, not that kinda pitch, however this one is still music related.

Typically an A&R (artists and repertoire) representative will make a pitch that an artist is worth signing.

Let’s have a look at how some famous, and not so famous, artists were pitched.

Picture goes wavy and we’re back in the past….

Adele

A&R Rep: Simply… Dusty.

Label Boss: And….

A&R Rep: That’s it. Simply… Dusty. As in Dusty….

Label Boss: I know which Dusty! Behave!

A&R Rep: How did you know?

Label Boss: Know what?

A&R Rep: About the beehive?

Label Boss: What on earth are you talking about?

A&R Rep: Nevermind.

Label Boss: Anyway, does this Adele do the hand gestures?

A&R Rep: Fuck yeah.

Gaye Su Akyol

A&R Rep: A psychedelic Turkish Kasabian.

Label Boss: …Mmm. Foxy lady.

A&R Rep: Kinda sexist boss.

Label Boss: No no no. Kasabian are from Leicester and are big Leicester City fans….

A&R Rep: It’s Leicester boss. There’s literally nothing better to do.

Label Boss: So, the football club’s nickname is The Foxes. Jimi Hendrix was known for being Psychedelic. One of Jimi’s most famous songs is ‘Foxy…’

A&R Rep: Boss, if you’ve gotta explain, then it probably was sexist.

Linkin Park

A&R Rep: A cross between Will Smith….

A&R Rep: The Backstreet Boys….

A&R Rep: And Alice In Chains….

A&R Rep: But with loads of angst.

Label Boss: I hope that angst isn’t a sign of something more serious.

A&R Rep: I doubt it. Even if it is, we’re the music biz boss. We look after our assets.

Atarashii Gakko!

A&R Rep: Imagine a Babes In Toyland without guitars.

A&R Rep: Except there’s 4 of them instead of 3, and they’re Japanese.

Label Boss: So….

A&R Rep: Also they’re all about dance choreography.

Label Boss: So….

A&R Rep: Also they like to dress exactly the same.

Label Boss: So….

A&R Rep: Just watch the vid boss.

Yugen Blakrok

A&R Rep: If Kool Keith were actually cool, and not a sexist rapper.

Label Boss [giggling]: Apparently it’s a cultural thing.

A&R Rep [giggling]: Yeah, a cultural thing.

Label Boss: Coincidentally, I was listening to a Hip Hop classic the other day, Vanilla Ice’s….

A&R Rep: Please don’t embarrass yourself boss.

Morrissey

A&R Rep: The lead singer of The Smiths is bound to go solo.

Label Boss: The who?

A&R Rep: Wrong band boss. Anyway, imagine a less miserable Müslüm Gürses.

Label Boss: Who?

A&R Rep: Don’t worry, I’ve a vid….

Label Boss: Why won’t it play?

A&R Rep: You have to watch it on YouTube boss.

Beyoncé

A&R Rep: And lo it will come to pass that a child of destiny will emerge as queen and everyone will fall crazy in love with her….

Label Boss: You been daytime drinking again?

A&R Rep: Sorry boss. So, we’ve Diana Rossed Beyoncé, got her in a group with lasses less talented than her, so she can go solo and be, the next Tina Turner…..