Personal Development

Your Choices Today Will Let You Take Agency Over Your Life Tomorrow

You can either see yourself as a wave in the ocean or … as the ocean

Fiction: The Tree

By the German writer Heinz Körner

Once upon a time there was a gardener who took his wife by the hand one day and said: “Come on wife, we’ll plant a tree.” The woman replied: “If you want to, my dear man, let’s plant a tree.” They went into the garden and planted a tree. It was not long before the tree could be seen sprouting gently out of the ground. It saw the sun for the first time. It felt the warmth of the rays on its leaves and greeted it. It found it beautiful to be in this world and grow.

“Look,” said the gardener to his wife, “is it not cute, our tree?” his wife replayed: “Yes, my dear man, as you said: a beautiful tree!”. The tree began to grow taller and higher and stretched out towards the sun. It felt the wind and felt the rain, enjoyed the warm and firm earth around its roots, and was happy. And every time the gardener and his wife looked after it and called it “a beautiful tree”, it felt well because there was someone who liked it and took care of it. It was loved and not alone in the world. So it grew contentedly and wanted nothing more than just to live and grow, to feel the wind and the rain, to feel the earth and the sun, and to be loved and to love others.

One day the tree realized that it was nice to grow a little to the left where the sun shone more on its leaves. So, now it grew a little to the left. “Look,” said the gardener to his wife, “our tree is crooked. Since when can trees grow crooked? and in our garden? God did not create trees to grow crooked!“ His wife agreed, of course. “You are a clever and God-fearing woman,” said the gardener. “So give me our scissors, and let’s cut our tree straight.”

The tree cried. The people who had loved it so much, whom it trusted, cut off its closest branches to the sun. It could not speak and could not ask why. It did not understand. They said that they love it and a tree had to grow, but God does not like it when it grows crooked. It no longer grew up to the left.

“Is it not good, our tree?” Asked the gardener his wife. “Sure, dear man,” she replied, “You are right as always. Our tree is a good tree.“ The tree began to understand. If it did what was fun and enjoyable, then it was apparently a bad tree. It was only nice and good at doing what the gardener and his wife expected it to do. So now, it was careful not to grow more crooked.

“Look at that,” the gardener said one day to his wife, “Our tree is growing outrageously fast. Is a good tree allowed to do so?“ His wife replied,” No, dear man. God wants trees to grow slowly and quietly. And our neighbor thinks that trees need to be modest and grow slowly too.“ The gardener praised his wife and said that she understands something about trees. Then he sent her to get the scissors to cut the branches of the tree. For a long time the tree cried that night. Why did they cut off the branches that the gardener and his wife did not like? “Look, woman,” said the gardener, “We can be proud of our tree now.”

The tree became defiant. Well, if not in the height, then just in the width. So it grew wider now. “That’s unbelievable!” The gardener shook his scissors indignantly and said to his wife, “Can you imagine that our tree just grows wide. That seems to be fun for it. We can not tolerate anything like that!“ His wife agreed: ” We can not allow that. Then we just have to cut it again.“ The tree could not cry anymore, it had no more tears. After all, it seemed to please the gardener and his wife now even though everything was no longer enjoyable. That’s how it thought.

Many years later, as the tree became a right and decent one and the gardener and his wife were proud of it, a little girl has seen it with her father. The little girl stopped in front of it and asked:

• “Dad, do you not think the tree looks a bit sad?”
• “I don’t know,” said the father. “When I was as young as you, I could see if a tree is happy or sad. But today I don’t see it anymore.“ The tree looks really sad.
• The little girl looked at the tree sympathetically: “Nobody really loves it. It looks so tidy, I think it wanted to grow differently but was not allowed to. And that’s why it’s sad now.”
• “Maybe, but who can grow as he wants to?“ the father answered pensively.
• “Why not?” the girl asked. “If someone really loves the tree, he will let it grow as it likes. It does not harm anyone.“
• Amazed and scared, the father looked at his child. Then he said: “You know, no one is allowed to grow as he wants because otherwise other people would realize that they didn’t grow as they actually wanted.”
• “I do not understand, daddy!” said the girl.
• “Child, you can not understand that yet. You too can not grow as you like.“ said the father.
• ”But why not, dad? You love me, and mom loves me too, right?“ said the girl.
• The father looked at her thoughtfully for a while. “Yes,” then he said: “sure we love you.”

They walked on slowly, and the little girl thought for a long time about this conversation and the sad tree. The tree was listening attentively to the conversation, and it thought for a long time as well. Then, it understood and it started to cry unrestrainedly.

Thought

“You can either see yourself as a wave in the ocean or you can see yourself as the ocean.” ~ Oprah Winfrey

In your own life, perhaps you’re dragged down by the bruisers, offenses, and injustices you’ve endured. They may be caused by circumstances in life or decisions you made or even by people who should be a source of love and trust rather than hurt and pain.

If you let those things win, then you are a wave in the ocean. But that doesn’t have to be a permanent state for you. A desire to change your attitude is the first step. When you work through the pain and channel that energy into building a better future, you can take control of your life. You’re no longer the wave. Now, you’re the ocean.

Heinz Körner’s fiction is a reminder that our choices today will let us take agency over our life tomorrow. The tree has accepted its non-existence as a permanent state, it was lacking assertiveness to choose another path and change its future.

The right to choose the right path is a secret privilege. Use it! Dwell in possibilities. You are not a tree.

🧠💡 I write about engineering, technology, and leadership for a community of smart, curious people. Join my free email newsletter for exclusive access or sign up for Medium here.