I’M THE SHIT
Life is Ridiculously Ridiculous When You’re a Great-Looking Older Broad
I’m down with boosting men’s egos, and my own
What the hell? I mean why not elevate the male ego, right? Everyone needs a BOOST now and again, wouldn’t you agree?
I was inspired to write this piece after skimming a turdsicle that another reader commented on. It was squirted out by an “attractive” writer here who farted such self-aggrandizing, yet “poor little me” pronouncements as the following:
Actually, I’m probably somewhere near the top of the fuckability pyramid. I’m still relatively young, thin, and tall, and I’ve been told on quite a few occasions that I have a ‘blowjob’ face.
Oh! A “blowjob face.” Is that like a “resting bitch face?” Can both be combined? I think I’ll try this in front of the mirror, later.
What’s next? A rim-job face?
Now, this piece of literary gold (to Medium, anyway), received over 11K claps. Yes. I shit you not. So, take note if you want to “make it,” here.
She goes on to inform us of all the attention she gets and how her looks only serve to boost male egos and BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH. And yet, she’s able to go on. That’s hard-core female strength for you, is it not?
The writer is so hot in fact, that I’ll bet the CEO is DMing or emailing her as I write this.
Anyhoo, I thought I’d share what it’s like to be a great looking older broad. It’s fucking great, that’s what! And often, ridiculous, as I receive all sorts of ridiculous come-ons from ridiculous men who, even though they’re ridiculous, have ridiculously good taste because, well, it’s me they’re coming on to!
What’s more, I’m talking about men of all ages. The old farts, the middle-aged dudes, even the young studs who think banging a GILF would be really rad. Although I’m not a grandmother, nor a mother, except to our cats. But, that’s ok. If my stringing them along a bit can help boost their fragile egos, who am I to cry “foul?”
To that point, here’s another turd nugget from the auteur:
And it wasn’t only boys my age that gave me so much of their attention, but also men old enough to be my fathers. Or grandfathers.
I was so lucky.
And I got luckier and luckier as the years went by.
This makes my gorge rise. Another uber-sensitive woman pissing and moaning about the men who had the temerity to look at her ass during her formative years. No doubt, she’s traumatized and will need a trigger alert for any books or films that feature randy old guys. Plus, she slams Grandad.
Hey. You can look at my ass any day of the week. As in ANY DAY. I’m a great looking older broad and proud of it. Although the credit lies in my gene pool. My mother was stunning, and when my dad was younger, extremely handsome, so there it is.
Eleven thousand claps. Who knew? All I had to do was write a story about how great looking I am and how shitty it makes me feel that many men want to fuck me, even though I feel pretty darn great about it, and I, too, could ascend to the Medium heavens.
Take notes, people, especially you ladies.
Before I leave you, I can’t pass up sharing this pithy bit of sarcasm:
Ah, yes — free drinks. That’s an important perk.
What’s wrong with that? If a man wants to buy a great looking older broad like me free drinks, I’m down any day of the week. As in ANY DAY.
Time to practice that “blowjob” face. Being a great looking older broad, I’m sure I’ll nail it.
© Sherry McGuinn, 2023. All Rights Reserved.
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Sherry McGuinn is a slightly-twisted, longtime Chicago-area writer and award-winning screenwriter. She is currently pitching her newest screenplay, “The Month We Fell Apart,” a drama with dark, comedic overtones inspired by a true story, as well as “DEAD TIRED,” a female-driven, ass-kicking thriller.